I haven’t posted much this week, because Infinite Jest is currently consuming my life.  I am loving the book.  To be honest, far more than I was expecting to.  But, I started late and then the days kept flying by, so this week I had to read like a crazy person to catch up.  My life has mostly involved going to work and reading Infinite Jest.

This is the kind of post that should have bullets, but I’m going to rebel.

I wanted to sing “Jubilaaaation” when Bri returned from Georgia and my friend Lisa got back from the Northwest.  They are never allowed to go out of town (and be away from the internet) at the same time again.  Guys, I actually had to keep some of my thoughts to myself.  It was torture.

Something kind of big will be happening on this very piece of the internet next week.  And that’s about as much hype as I am capable of building.  Also, I am working on a secret project.  I’m always jealous of other bloggers and their secret projects, but now that I have one myself, I realize that knowing the secret (and having to do all the work) makes it far less exciting.  So I will probably stop keeping it a secret soon.  Here’s a hint: $$$.*

Speaking of awesome internet things (that was another hint), Rachel and I started #TeamProps. It is no more complicated or less amazing than holding props in Dailybooth pictures.  Feel free to join us.  Do not be intimidated by the advanced level work in the picture above.  I’ve had a lot of practice.

Okay, I’m going to go have a weekend that includes a game day.  Love your faces!

*This is such a terrible hint.  Someone please give me hype lessons.

I’m pretty sure someone is slipping something into my gingerbread coffee, because I’ve been extra happy lately.  If it’s not that, then it may be some of these other things.

• I am so close to finishing this huge work project that has been stressing me out to the max for months.  And then I’ll be able to hand over my responsibilities at work and reduce my hours significantly.  Though I did initially resign from my job, my boss asked me if I wanted to hang around and work very limited hours.  I said I’d think about it.  Then I agreed.  The thing is that I like my job, I love my coworkers, and this is the research center in my very specific field of study, so staying connected to it and my professors who direct it is important, especially once I’m out of coursework.  I’ll be doing the part of the job I really like minus all the responsibilities.  Plus, more money for wine and nail polish!

• I don’t think it really occurred to me just how awesome it’s going to be to reduce my hours until I was drafting up my new schedule.  For more than a year, I’ve been on this schedule where my only option for getting enough sleep is to come home from work and climb immediately into bed. My weeks just got an extra 10 hours of free time.  Instead of going all overachiever and trying to fill those hours with new goals, I’m going to try sleeping more and giving myself plenty of time to be a human.

• The realization that I have paid off all of my credit card debt has been a slow one.  I transitioned pretty easily into a slightly more comfortable lifestyle, but it’s the craziest thing, there is now money in my savings account.  And a few nights ago, I was budgeting for February, and I realized that the first big paycheck of the month, which used to go almost entirely toward paying down my debt, was instead mine to do with what I wanted.  I guess my debt was always just a number, but it felt real because it was crushing me.  Now that number is $0 and it doesn’t feel real, except when I get to do awesome things like decide I want to go to Vegas with a bunch of bloggers (including 6 out of 7 #SFNYEers).

• Speaking of which, this year is already filling itself full of awesome things to look forward to, including David Gray in March (ahhh!!), Vegas with my siblings and dad in April, Vegas with bloggers in May, my mom and step-dad visiting me also in May, VidCon with bloggers in July, a trip home in October for Lisa’s wedding, and I suspect many other things that have yet to be planned.

• A couple weeks ago, I finally started watching The IT Crowd, which I’d been hearing about forever.  It is so amazing.  Moss, I can’t even say enough about.  Flippin’ hilarious.  Most of the seasons are on Netflix streaming and they are only six episodes each, so if you have TV commitment issues like I do, then this is nothing to be scared of.  Seriously, please watch it now, so we can talk all about it.

• You know I have a nail polish problem, but I was so good for the 14 months it took me to get out of debt.  That’s why I don’t feel bad at all about the eight new additions to my collection.  I really need to stop watching the makeup gurus on YouTube, because they make this kind of behavior seem reasonable.

• My classes this semester involve just as much work as usual, but the content is not nearly as difficult as last semester.  Only in one of my classes are we reading the kind of texts where you need to pull apart each sentence to make sense of anything and then you think you’ve got it and then you go to class and realize you don’t have it at all.  I love what I study, but sometimes it’s nice to read things that make sense.

• The gingerbread coffee I’m referring to is from Trader Joe’s and we had it every morning during #SFNYE.  It’s awesome.  If you live near a Trader Joe’s, you must try it.

• Aren’t we overdue for a #winetoreach?

• I am writing to you from Thanksgiving Break!  Okay, so I still have to work more than 40 hours this week, but I have no class at all.  And okay again, I should definitely be working on the three research papers I have due at the end of the semester.  But, let’s forget about all of that, because even just having a break from my regular course load and one extra day off is enough to take the weight of the world off of my shoulders for a minute.  I mean, it’s Sunday night and I’m blogging (and talking to Nico about bringing back the word “docket”) instead of reading about death or the end of the world (cheerful subject matter this semester).

• If it is not already obvious, though I sometimes seem like a perfectly reasonable person, I am actually completely ridiculous.  Just a little history on me, I am obsessively organized and I have a thing for rearranging furniture.  When I was younger, I took every break from school as an opportunity to completely change the look of my room.  I would always insist on doing it all myself, dragging my bed and books to every different corner.  My parents took this as a sign of my creativity and let me be.  I just like putting things in order and, I don’t know, making things different.  It gives me a new perspective.  I think moving three times in the last four years satisfied my need for a while, but on Wednesday night after one of the most exhausting days of my life, I got it in my head that I really wanted to rearrange the furniture in my apartment.  I tried to convince myself to act like a normal person and just wait until the weekend when I would have plenty of time, but I am very impatient once I’ve made up my mind, so I got off work at midnight, went home, and completely rearranged all of the furniture in my apartment, including moving a bookcase full of books.  The next day, I couldn’t move my arms or keep my eyes from closing, but it was worth it.

• Friday, I saw part one of The Deathly Hallows.  Let me be honest, I love the whole feel of Harry Potter. When I read the first book in high school, I only wished that I had written it.  When I saw the movie, I thought it was perfect–nothing more so than the music.  Nearly ten years later, I still love it all, but every book since the fourth, I read immediately upon release and have not looked at again.  Same with the movies basically.  I could barely remember what happened in the seventh book, so I was pretty much along for the ride.  And, it was a tipsy, but lovely ride.  No spoilers, of course, but can I just say that I loved that scene with Harry and Hermione.  You know the one I’m talking about.  I got to wear a Gryffindor scarf while drinking margaritas, so it was a pretty good Friday.

• Saturday, I moved as little as possible, ate nothing but nachos, and watched Sleepless in Seattle.  It was also a good day.

• I would love to say something more original than this, but how did it get to be late November already?  Time moves quickly, I know, but school has this way of consuming me, so that I forget to look up and then when I do, I’m exactly a month away from my 27th birthday, with Christmas and #SFNYE following shortly behind!  I’m apprehensive about the holidays in the same way I have been for the last several years, but I’m also really excited.

• Writing here continues to be a challenge for me, but I have made up my mind to be done with that.  Nothing has changed, but there is a lot going on in my mind, and I am missing my opportunity to work through it myself and share it with other people.  Lately, I find that it’s easier to say nothing than to write something and have it not be exactly right.  That’s brain crack and thanks to Ze Frank, I have always tried to avoid brain crack.  So, I am going to put in the time writing and work on being more reckless with honesty.  That means I’ll talk to you again very soon.

I usually save bullet posts for Fridays when I can end with, “have a great weekend!”  That doesn’t work here, so, um, have a great week instead!

I’ve been in an exceptionally awesome mood for more than a week.  Not that I’m usually in a bad mood, but I get weighed down with stress and distracted by all of the things I have to do.  Actually, I’m still stressed and busy, but this week with unicorns and rainbows instead of dark emo clouds of doom and gloom.  At what point did I stop making sense? I can’t even blame it on a mini Mr. Goodbar this time.

Anyway, I don’t think I’ve said much about what’s actually going on with me lately.  Some of the following may get their own posts later, but I’m taking my sweet time writing them.

• I’m doing a way better job of being a human being this semester. Evidence: I do my hair almost every day.  I’m frustrated as always not to have time for everything or really anything, but I do make time to write and talk to people and drink wine, so I’d say I’m winning this fight.

• I’ve never been very good at it, but I’ve been completely off my blog commenting game since August.  I went from VEDA to an internet break and then straight into this crazy schedule where most days there’s only time enough to stare longingly at my Reader and accept the look of disapproval it gives me in return.  I do this weird thing where I scan posts and then click “Keep Unread” with the best intentions of going back later to read in full and comment.  Except most of the time I do not.  This is not unlike all of the starred emails in my inbox just waiting for thoughtful replies. If only my intentions were felt!  But, lately I’ve been looking past my own guilt over not being the good blogger and friend I want to be, and rediscovering why I love reading blogs so much.  I can’t think of another place where I encounter such honesty and introspection.  I am especially struck lately by posts about heartbreak and disappointment, because I’ve never known how to write about those things.  Reading other people’s honest writing makes me want to be more honest. I’m not even sure what to be more honest about, but I sense there are walls I could be taking down.

• I’m discovering that not being lost is almost as confusing as being lost.  I used to look at my life and myself and only see all of the things I needed to fix.  Now I think about my dreams and realize that I’m already pursuing them or I will be once I’m done with the ones I’m working on now (earning a PhD while trying to get out of debt doesn’t leave much time for writing novels).  And then I think about myself and I’m happy and comfortable being me most of the time.  If I think on it, of course I can come up with a list of the things I should do and be and all right this very minute or preferably yesterday. But, I am strangely content and this is a weird place to be–anxiety producing, sometimes boring, but also really nice.  Still, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a little restless.

• I am so close to being out of debt and I cannot wait.  It’s been an amazing process that has changed my life (see above bullet), but I am ready to move on to the next thing.  I look forward to the life that all of this hard work will afford me.  I am especially itching to travel. 2011: the United States.  2012: the world (featuring castles).

• I don’t know if I’ve yet mentioned this here, but I’m spending New Year’s Eve in San Fransisco with some of my favorite people.  It’s an amazing cast of characters.  Bri (our hostess!), Nico, and Pham I have met before (and love), but Ashley, AshleyD, Nicole, and Nora I will be meeting for the first time.  I mean, how is it even possible I’ve never met my dearest AshleyD before?  We have sequined-filled plans to build forts and wear fancy clothes and drink wine.  I really don’t see a way that #SFNYE isn’t the most fun I’ve ever had and in a city I have been dying to visit!

• I have been extra obsessed with music lately. I’m always listening to something, but for months my podcast subscriptions have been building up while I ignore them to listen exclusively to music.  I’m guilty of listening to the same things all the time, but I’m trying to make some effort to listen to new stuff too.  Feel free to give me suggestions, but please don’t take offense if months pass before I take your good advice.

• I’m excited again about studying theology and even enthused about this grad school life.  There was really never a chance I’d leave it behind, but I’d grown mildly apathetic and now the love has returned.  It is not easy.  Every week I’m pushed uncomfortably close to my limits.  But, I get to study the most fascinating subject and in the most amazing place.  I feel very fortunate that somehow I ended up here and somehow I’m this person who can do this difficult work.  My academic life is far less fraught with insecurity these days and that leaves a lot more room for excitement.

Okay, I am off to have a weekend!  There will be paper writing, but also drinking and I’m hoping for a pumpkin as well. Have a good one!

I’ve been listening to Peter Gabriel. And my life has never felt quite so like an 80s movie.  I can picture every scene in my head. The montage where you see clips of me conquering the world is set to “Big Time.”  I love the new David Gray, of course, but it was not helping at all with the heart break situation.

I’ve been watching Mad Men. It’s not like I didn’t believe everyone telling me it was awesome.  I always knew I was going to watch it eventually.  Dramas just intimidate me these days, because they’re such a commitment.  Last weekend I finally decided to start watching.  And I love it.  Obviously.  I am fascinated my the sixties, but I like how the show doesn’t scream out that it’s a period drama.  Half the time Don’s reaching for his cigarettes, I expect him to pull out a cell phone to check for new texts.

I’ve been reading A Farewell to Arms. I want so badly to start reading again.  I read hundreds of pages a week for school, but I miss fiction.  When I vlogged about books, several people told me to give Hemingway another try and to go with A Farewell to Arms this time.  I’m only 100 pages in, but my summary so far is boring description, followed by realistic but boring conversations between people I don’t care about, and then just when I’m about to give up, a brilliant passage that forces me to keep reading.  I hope to have a change of heart before the end, but if not, the few brilliant passages will have been reason enough to have read it.  I’m eager to finish, so I can read Never Let Me Go before I see the movie.

I’ve been writing in my journal. I’ve always had the goal of filling one journal every year, but instead it usually takes me 3-4 years. I recently reread The Journal of Joyce Carol Oates and decided this would be the year I’d make it happen, but after writing furiously all Summer, I’m still only half way through the black notebook I started at the end of last year.  Maybe a journal every two years is more realistic.  I usually write whatever I’m feeling, but I’ve taken some time lately to force myself to work through some things.  I don’t know that I’m accomplishing anything, but it can’t hurt.

I’ve been working very long and late hours. I’m back to my crazy school-work schedule composed of 15 hour days.  It’s been a pretty smooth transition if we just forget Tuesday when I woke up for my 8:30 class at 8:19 (I was only a few minutes late and I looked surprisingly put together).  Working until midnight every night sounds miserable, but I’ve missed late nights in the library.  They’re peaceful and productive, which is a nice contrast to the busy and annoying afternoons.

I’ve been studying for class. I love my classes this semester.  They feel significant to me as a person and to me as an academic.  Aside from content, some classes feel very intimidating or cold, full of people who only open their mouths to prove how smart they are, but none of my classes this semester are like that.  I feel like the questions we’re asking don’t allow for that kind of posturing.

I’ve been keeping things to myself. Taking a break from the internet gave me an opportunity to be more self-contained. When I woke up on September 1st, my mind immediately started going with things to tell twitter and it was very strange to think, you won’t be saying any of that.  I got an opportunity to just be here and not always here and there.  It was peaceful and I needed that, but ultimately that kind of quiet is boring and far too easy for me.  I much prefer talking to people and putting myself out there.

Does anyone remember that I used to post a list of random information every Friday?  I don’t know what it was about my life then, but I no longer have that much random information to share.  Today, though, I have a few things to tell you.

• #winetoreach this Saturday at 7pm PST.  If you’re not familiar, #winetoreach is a wine-infused chat party on twitter.  Wine is not actually required.  You just need to bring yourself to twitter on Saturday night and talk to me (@writetoreach) and the other people participating.  You should really try to make this one, because I won’t be around for the few Saturdays after this.  Just saying.

• It made my life that people understood my post on theology.  It’s just that it’s all so swirly and alive in my mind, and I wanted to capture that.  Reading the post myself, I didn’t think I’d succeeded, but people seem to pick up on it.  If you ever want to talk theology, email me (writetoreach@gmail.com)  or find me on gchat (writetoreach@gmail.com) or meet me (Southern California, Western Washington, or somewhere on Road Trip 2011).

• Speaking of Road Trip 2011, it’s going to be awesome.  I have no idea how it’s going to work out and I really dislike planning trips, but this is going to happen.

• Random fact I was just thinking of yesterday.  The school that the main character of my novel (the one I gave people to read) attends is actually the school from the movie 10 Things I Hate About You.  The one that looks like a castle.  It’s in my hometown.  My sister actually went there.  I went to another high school across town, but we played all of our football games in that bowl.  So, if you’re reading the novel, there’s a visual for you.

• I’m a little obsessed with this British show called Skins.  I only started watching because people on tumblr are always posting pictures of a character named Effy and I kind of want to marry her.  The show itself, which Effy is not a big part of until season 3, is pretty good, though I can’t say I’d recommend it to everyone.  The first two seasons are available for streaming on Netflix,  if you want to give it a try.  But, Effy is mine and don’t be surprised if I start wearing a bunch more eyeliner just to be like her.

• I’ve recently started using dailybooth.  It’s kind of like twitter, but with pictures.  You post a picture (usually of yourself that day) and then people comment or reply with pictures.  I’ve known about it for a long time, since YouTubers use it, but I just jumped in a week or so ago.  It’s fun, so  maybe you should join. Again, just saying. You can find me here.

• I haven’t posted about politics in a long time.  It’s not that I’ve grown less political.  I’ve just grown a little disillusioned (I don’t know if that’s something you can be a little of) and my opinions have become less popular. It’s not that I don’t know what to say, but maybe I don’t feel that comfortable saying it here.  It’s just that I take it all so personally.  I take everything personally, if you haven’t picked up on that.  But, I’m going to write about politics next week.  I need to figure it out for myself in writing.

• I probably won’t record a weight loss vlog tomorrow.  Actually, I’m a little unsure what to do.  I just don’t like how much space they take up on my blog.    I might just upload them to YouTube and not post them here.  Not sure, but I’ll let you know if you’re interested.

• At a lecture this week, one of my coworkers asked me if I was gearing back up for my crazy 15-hour days school-year schedule.   I thought, how dare he remind me of what’s to come!  It’s just that I’ve grown quite accustomed to sleeping and I’m not ready to give that up.  I’m also not ready to go back to working until midnight every night.  I still have a month and I will try to savor it, but I’m no good at that.

I think it’s about time I at least pretend to be working.  Hope to see you Saturday!

Maybe it’s just natural that after you’ve been blogging for a while and people have been reading you for a while, you grow a little more serious about the whole thing and you start thinking of what’s adequate to post and what isn’t.  I’ve never been the kind of blogger or journaler to document the day to day.  I like my day to day.  It makes me happy, for the most part, but I’m more engaged by my head in the clouds than my feet on the ground.

If anything gets lost in growing more serious about blogging,  it’s the life I’m actually leading where I spend a great deal of time thinking about how I’m hungry and I really need to go grocery shopping and if I could just figure out how to be in two places at once, things would be a lot easier (do not suggest a time turner unless you know where I can get one).

I write most of my posts in advance and schedule them for early in the morning.  But, right now, it is Tuesday.  12:29 to be exact and I have 21 minutes until I can take my lunch break.  I went to my second job for a couple hours this morning and now I’m at the library.  The awesome thing about working here is that there are hours in my day where I can occupy myself with whatever reading, blogging, studying I have to get done, stopping whenever people need help.  At certain points in the year, it’s hard to get anything done in that time, because we’re very busy.  In the Summer, though, there are hours to fill.

If not for that free time, there’s no way I could manage to work so much while going to school and it’s unlikely that I’d appear to be such a dedicated blogger.  This Summer, I’m hoping to use that time to get in some more hours at my other job and to work on those novels I’m always talking about.  I seem to have a harder time blogging during the Summer.  We’ll see if that’s true this year too.

Speaking of blogging, I’m concerned that I sound like a broken record lately.  I’m not uninspired, but in an effort to figure things out for myself, I feel like I keep writing the same post.  Well, different to me, but similar enough to seem the same to other people.  Then I was at my second job the other day and we were talking about how most scholars have a few insights and then basically write the same books and articles over and over again for their entire careers.  People always say this about novelists too.  Maybe it’s silly that we expect one person to be so many different things.  Maybe it’s better understand a few things really well than to prove to everyone how diverse and cultured you are.

It’s 12:39 now, which means I’m only 21 minutes from lunch.

It’s super gloomy and kind of rainy here in Southern California.  It’s a strange way to start the Summer.  It’s making it not feel like Summer, but it did give me the opportunity to go running in the rain last night.  That always makes me feel like Rocky.  I was already planning on returning to exercise this week, but then on Sunday, I was talking to someone about the races I’ve run and I thought, “how did I do that?”  In nearly every other way, my life is better now, but I marvel at myself when I used to be in awesome shape (around 2003-2005).

My iPod died halfway through, which forced me to finish the run in silence.  I’d just been thinking the night before that I so rarely do anything in silence anymore.  Most of my school work is done at work where I’m constantly getting interrupted.  I rarely do any kind of writing without a YouTube video in the background or the TV going.  I don’t walk anywhere without a podcast to listen to.  I used to spend a lot more time in quiet reflection and now I’m introspective on the go.  Not that I was more at peace back then or anything, but I miss the quiet.  It’s something I have been avoiding.  I’ve made it a Summer goal of mine (I did break down and write a list of goals) to rediscover the quiet.  My dead iPod just gave me a push.

12:48.  12 minutes to lunch!

Last night was my first real evening time in months.  During the school year, I work evenings, so it’s a time I’m not accustomed to filling.  I didn’t know what to do with myself, so I mostly did nothing.  Will have to rectify that.  I have been watching Daria, though, which is as amazing as I remembered.  It’s kind of surprising in some ways, especially in that it’s described as being so different, yet all the high school stereotypes are right there.  Even Daria is a stereotype.  It plays on them all in interesting ways.  If I have enough to say, I’ll write a whole post on that.

12:52.  Eight minutes to lunch.

Thanks for joining me on a Tuesday.

• It feels so good to be back to blogging after (kind of) taking three weeks off.  I love blogging, but it takes up more of my time than I’d really like to admit.  I decided not just to take a break from publishing posts, but from writing them as well.  That was really hard at first. I found myself doing what I always do, writing posts in my head, and then I nearly went mad not being able to put them in writing.  I wasn’t trying to torture myself.  I was just trying to carve out more time to focus on my other interests.  I too often neglect them in favor of blogging.

• I’m, like, bursting at the seems with enthusiasm and creativity lately, and I am expressing it strangely by making huge lists of goals and plans and thinking about productivity and professional development, and I don’t know, maybe the adrenaline or whatever it is that’s making it possible for me to get by on so little sleep is pushing me somewhere I haven’t been before.

• It was a crazy week at school.  I had two presentation and given my crazy schedule, I thought that preparing adequately for both would be impossible.  I still have a lot of insecurities surrounding my academic life and giving presentations on huge amounts of difficult reading in intimidating classes puts dread in my stomach.  Of course I didn’t feel adequately prepared for either, but I wouldn’t had I had weeks to prepare, so that’s no big thing.  I would like to say I kicked ass on both presentations, but the truth is that they both went pretty well and now the end of the semester is in sight.

• Speaking of which, it has been so nice here in Southern California.  And since the time change, it has been light out even when I take my dinner break at work.  All of a sudden, my mind is focused on Summer.  Only six weeks to go and I’m there.  I’ll then have what I think they call evenings and another thing called weekends.  I don’t know if you’re familiar.  I think I remember them from another life.  Really, though, after working swing shift for long stretches, you forget what it’s like to be a normal person who doesn’t work until midnight every night.  I suspect I will go crazy at first, because I always do, but I’ll adjust.

• March 21st marked the 10 year anniversary of the release of NSYNC’s No Strings Attached album.  Oh, what an occasion.  It took a second to get over the realization that it’s been ten years.  Let me do the math for you: I was 16 then and I’m 26 now.  Lisa and I planned an elaborate celebration, but ended up just watching a bunch of videos on YouTube.  If only we’d had YouTube 10 years ago!  I could have saved myself so much money and stress; those VHS tapes added up and it was always so difficult to hit record at just the right time.  I cannot refer to anything about my life in high school as crazy, but the craziest things I did were probably NSYNC related and the No Strings Attached concerts were some of the most fun I ever had. This is pure magic as well as I know it.

• I am, as I’ve probably admitted before, a little obsessive, especially when it comes to pop culture things.  I wouldn’t say I never just like things, but I more often double exclamation point and italics love!! things.  With music more than anything else, though my Lord of the Rings days were epic as well.  I’m so obsessive about music that I tend to listen to the same albums (the word album feels very outdated) over and over, rarely letting anyone new in.  But, for the last couple weeks I’ve only been listening to Vampire Weekend.  And, I’m an idiot, because I know I saw them all over blogs a long time ago, but it takes a lot for me to commit to anyone new.  I’m bummed that all their shows around here are sold out.

• Thanks again for all of your feedback on my effort to get serious about writing.  I’m feeling really good about it.

Have a great weekend!

• I never say I have writer’s block, because it never quite applies and I’m not sure where I stand on the debate as to whether it’s a real phenomenon or not.  But, I do know that sometimes writing is easy and other times it’s a struggle, sometimes writing is the only thing I want to do and other times I can’t seem to get by butt in a chair and my hands on a keyboard.  Right now I’m experiencing the fourth of these things more than the second.  It’s not that I can’t write; it’s just that I don’t feel impelled to by the force of the whole universe like I normally do.  But, I keep kind of going anyway, because blogging is such a big part of my life and I just can’t not blog.

• I am back to work and everything, but school has not yet begun.  I’m enjoying the two weeks of calm before the undergrads return and class begins.  It’s nice not to be running around like crazy.  I can actually enjoy the beauty.  I love college campuses.

• Speaking of school, I got my grades yesterday.  Actually, I got two of them on Monday and spent the rest of the week checking the website 15 times a day until the last one finally appeared.  I had a wild hope that it would a 4.0, but I came up a bit short:  A, A, A-.  That blasted A-!  I also had a wild fear that I’d been an idiot to think I could work a full time job and a part time job, while being a student, and that my grades would reflect that, so I’m really not that upset about the A-.

• I am loving my job right now.  Working in the library is awesome, because no one is here.  At most hours, I’m pretty sure the staff outnumber the patrons.  I wish it was always like this.  I’m working days right now, since we’re not open late.  I prefer my normal swing shift, because it makes it so much easier to get stuff done, but it’s nice not to miss all the good tv for once.  I know I’m way late to this party, but I finally watched Hoarders.  Now I’m hooked.

• I’ve also been training for my new second job.  I’m nervous about it still, but I think I’m really going to like it.  I’ve always wanted to be an editor and now I am.

• The hardest thing right now is saying no to other good opportunities.  I feel like awesome things keep coming up that I really want to be a part of, but I have to remind myself that I have entirely too much on my plate already.  It’s not the overachiever in me–it’s the girl interested in a lot of different things.  Does anyone else–does everyone else–feel like blogging has opened all these doors of interest to them?

• Yesterday, I got the best news ever.  Let me first say, if a genie gave me three wishes, it’s a big possibility that one of them would be, “Bring back The Show with Ze Frank.”  Since that’s not a reality, I depend on the Vlog Brothers to get me through.  Well, the Vlog Brothers are hosting a conference with other YouTubers here in CA this summer.  I was already considering attending.  Only the $80 registration fee and my very tight get-out-of-debt budget was stopping me.  But, then yesterday, it was announced that Ze Frank will be there.  Ze Frank!  I’m now unable to resist.

• Last weekend I met Herding Cats for Mexican food.  We made plans to meet after my Making It Happen post and then we, um, made it happen!  Meeting bloggers is awesome.

• Over mid-morning margaritas,  Herding Cats asked me if I’d seen Adorable Boy lately.  I’m not sure how accurate this is, but I remember saying something like, “No!  I haven’t seen him in weeks.  But, it’s okay, I’ve given up on him.  Nothing is going to happen.  No, there’s nothing there.  Nothing will happen.  It’s okay, because nothing is going to happen.  It’s just fun to have a crush, you know? Nothing will happen.”  I guess I was overcompensating for how stupid I sound by sounding even stupider.  I’m 12.  Anyway, I haven’t seen him in weeks!  And, nothing will happen.

• I haven’t campaigned for myself.  I didn’t last year either.  I guess it makes me uncomfortable.  But, thank you to anyone who helped make me a 20sb Bootlegger Finalist for Best Vlogger.  And thanks again for making me Featured Blogger.  It’s been an interesting month.  If you’re new around here, I’m sorry if it’s taking me an embarrassingly long time to get back to you.  The real rockstars of the blogosphere are those people who read everything and leave thoughtful comments everywhere.  I don’t know how they do it.  Yesterday’s post was my 400th and I still haven’t figured it all out.

Have a great weekend!

• The state of my hair is usually a good indication of how things are going with me.  Down and straight?  Things are probably going pretty well.  Bird’s nest on top of my head?  Not so well.  By Wednesday of this week, I had been rocking the messy bun look for more than a week and that is unprecedented.  It’s finals time, so I know everyone understood why I showed up to class on Wednesday morning look half dead.  I thought I was doing so well, especially given my crazy schedule, but then I ended up working all last weekend and suddenly I was staring a 20 page paper in the face–actually, a blank screen where 20 pages of writing should be–and I had no idea how I was going to get it done and still show up to work.  I did it, though.  There’s a lot more work to be done, but by Wednesday I will be completely done with my first semester as a PhD student.

• Every year I feel like I cannot even think about Christmas until I am done with finals.  I feel the same way this year.  It’s like the whole season showed up all of a sudden and I haven’t even had a chance to think about it.  I did put some multi-color lights up in my apartment, though, and they are making me very happy.  I haven’t thought at all about the presents I need to buy, but that kind of stuff never makes me anxious.  I have very mixed emotions about the holidays (I have a post about this ready to go), but for now I’m excited.

• It’s been cold in Southern California.  I have been wearing my pea coat!  It makes me so happy.  And it’s supposed to rain again this weekend.  Yes.

• I’m starting to think I might be able to control the future with my mind.  I was sitting in class on Wednesday night absolutely starving, because I didn’t have a chance to eat at all that day.  I was strategizing how I could possibly eat dinner, because I had no food with me and I was supposed to go straight back to work and also somehow meet with one of my groups.  I was specifically thinking about how much I want pizza, trying to justify spending the money on one this weekend, even though I’m on a very tight budget.  Not ten minutes later, we come back from break and the two professors had bought the class pizza.  I could have cried.

• Speaking of tight budgets, I have become this crazy person who will sit in class or at work or in waiting rooms scribbling down numbers onto paper.  I hope people are looking at me thinking I must be like Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting, but what I’m really doing is going over my budget in my head, trying to figure out how I can put the most money possible toward my debt.  I get a lot of joy out of doing this, weird as that sounds.  If you want to read more about the struggle, I’m blogging at A Story of Debt. Thanks to everyone who’s been supporting me.

• One more week of work and then I will be off for 17 days (I just counted).  I don’t even know what I will do with myself.  I always have a hard time downshifting into vacation, but I am so ready for this.  I’ve had to save all of my vacation time so that I could make this happen and now it’s finally here.  The thought of getting paid for all of that time is still so crazy to me.  I know I’ve said this several times before, but paid vacation is the best thing ever.

• You know those people who are always complaining about their lives, but they never do anything to make things better?  I worry I sound like one of them or that I might even be one.  I really am working way too much for a full time grad student–so much so that I’m actually embarrassed to tell people how many hours I work.   I try not to complain about it, but sometimes I can’t keep it in.  It’s not the hard work that gets to me, but rather the almost complete lack of free time.  I am a homebody who is never at home.  (I’m not even writing this from home.)  The obvious solution is work less, but that’s not really an option because of my debt and because the job that doesn’t pay the bills is the one where I’m doing the kind of networking that will eventually get me a job as a professor.  I don’t want to give anything up either, which is why I keep making questionable decisions and adding more to the pile.  Keep that in mind when you read the next bullet.

• I was at my second job (it’s a research position at my school) on Thursday morning, just sitting there doing my work and trying to stay awake, when a coworker said that she’d just given word she would be resigning.  The biggest part of her job is putting together this quarterly magazine, but she is also in charge of publicity for events and things like that.  When I heard she was resigning, I had this mini-fantasy about being offered her position.  I think that way sometimes.  Then I was like, “No, they’d know I would suck at PR stuff and, anyway, I cannot possibly take on another job!”  About an hour later, I was called outside and offered the position (seriously, mind control).  I hesitated at first, because it’s more hours and more responsibility, but they pretty quickly talked me into it.  Really, the opportunity was too good to pass up, and I was honored to be offered it, because the decision was made by a board of my current professors and some retired professors who are the kind of academic superstars I was talking about earlier this week.  Starting in January, I will have this new challenge.  I just feel really lucky, because it seems like so many good opportunities like this have fallen into my lap over the last couple years.  And, hey, more hours at an increased wage will definitely help with my journey out of debt!

• I know that blog apologies are taboo, and apologizing for not blogging enough always seems silly to me–like people are waiting with bated breath for my next post–but personal blogging is so much about relationships and when I’m not reading and commenting enough, it feels like I’m not keeping up my end of the deal.  So, that’s what I’m apologizing for.  I’m sorry.  I’m also sorry for the length of this post.  You’re too kind to have read this far.  Have a great weekend!

Remember when I used to do this?  It’s been a while.

• In a word, this week has been exhausting.  It has also been awesome, though the exhaustion sometimes got in the way a bit of the awesome.  Just to go on a bit about the exhaustion (because it’s fascinating), I feel like I reached a new level this week.  I have been more tired than this before, but never this tired over so many days and with no hope of making it better.  By the time I get off work, it’s already too late to get a full night’s sleep before I have to get up the next morning. Going to school full time, while working one full time job and another part time job hasn’t done a number on my head like I partly expected it to, but it feels like a real test of my limits.

• On to the awesome! Sunday, I started NaNoWriMo.  It was a strong start, but I am definitely struggling now.  The only time I have to write is my last three hours at work when I’m at the Circulation Desk.  That works well, but I’ve run into some difficulties with my story.  Mainly, I don’t feel capable of telling the story I want to.  It’s from four different POVs, which is surprisingly hard.  The difficult part is just getting into four different character’s minds in such a deep way.  I’m struggling on, though!  I hope to catch up a bit this weekend.  How’s everyone else doing?

• On Monday, I had an encounter with Adorable Boy.  We lost another of his books.  That doesn’t speak too well for the library, but it was really nice to talk to him again.  It put me in such a good mood for dealing with library patrons who are not nearly as adorable or nice as he is.

• On Tuesday, my class went to visit a Buddhist temple.  We had a vegetarian Chinese lunch and then got to tour the temple and its grounds with this amazing nun.  The most awesome thing about it was the structure itself.  I’d love to go back.

• I walked into class Wednesday morning feeling half dead and with a great deal of doubt about whether my group was going to pull off our presentation.  My friend even said to me, “Did you just wake up?”  That tells you a little bit about how awesome I looked.  When I left class three hours later, my group had done an awesome job, the TA had told me that he heard from someone else that I am a genius in the kind of theology we study, and I had my midterm paper back with an A+ as a grade.  I was shocked at all three.  I was sure the TA was thinking of someone else, but I am the only Ashley in the program.  As for the crazy grade, this is my most difficult class.  It’s the one that would sound like gibberish to an outsider.  I couldn’t believe it, but it felt really good for my first real grade as PhD student to be a freaking A+.  I’ve never even heard of such a thing.

• On Thursday, I took a prospective student to lunch.  As Lisa said, “taking someone to lunch sounds so adult.”  One on one conversation with a stranger isn’t a strength of mind, so I didn’t know what to expect.  I kept thinking that I was a bad person for this, because I don’t feel representative of the program.  Then I realized that representative of the majority would be a married guy in his late 20s, so maybe it was no accident that they asked me to talk to a 23 year old single girl.

• Is anyone else watching Modern Family?  I mean, is everyone else watching Modern Family?  This show is so hilarious and it’s good every week.  If you’re not watching it and you’re in the U.S., get yourself to Hulu right now.  If you’re not in the U.S., then watch it by any means necessary.  It’s that good.  I hope you’re watching Community too.

• I’m having a lot of fun with the School Year blogs.  I fee like they are more for me than anything else I’ve written.  I wanted to write down what I remembered now for fear that I might not always remember.  It’s a way of writing the history of my life as I remember it.  A lot of people comment saying they don’t remember that much from those early years, but I swear once you remember one thing, then others come back to you.  And it’s crazy the way that reading about someone else’s memories can spark your own.

• I am very close to purchasing my flight home for Christmas!!!

• After lunch at the temple, I got a fortune cookie with a fortune that said someone was concealing feelings for me.  Those things don’t lie!

I’m going to go catch up on my sleep and TV watching.  Have a great weekend!

• have been feeling restless.  Oh Summer.  Why must you do this to me?
• have been struggling to wake up in the morning.  I wonder if someone substituted decaf in for my regular coffee.
• have been watching a lot of real life crime shows.  A lethal cocktail of Dateline, 48 Hours Mystery, and Forensic Files.
• have been wanting a new wardrobe.  And someone to help me pick it out.
• have been yearning to go home to Washington.  Maybe in August.
• have been annoyed with a lot of what I’ve been writing.  I’ve been writing a lot more than I’ve been posting.
• have been wanting to complain about the California heat.  But, I try not to complain about weather.
• have been wishing it was an Olympic year.  The Swimming World Championships will get me through.
• have been faced with a lot of grumpy library patrons.
• have been loving cream blush.
• have been wishing, as always, that I was more outgoing and adventurous.
• have been eating terribly.
• have been watching Big Brother.  I hate it every year, but I can never stop watching.
• have been growing nervous about the Fall.
• have been thinking about reading more.  And taking too many books home from the library.
• have been connecting with more bloggers.
• having been walking around the college campuses that surround me.  It’s not just the nerd in me that thinks they’re magical.
• have been avoiding your Harry Potter posts.  Even without spoilers, I want to see the movie first!

Have a great weekend everyone!

Hey Friday. I’ve been waiting for you.

• I didn’t invent Post-its. The title is a nod to Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion, which is a movie I love and was recently reminded of (thanks to Filmspotting). That’s one I need for my collection.

• I warned you that when I got cable (for the first time in 7 years!) that I might disappear off the face of the blogging world for a while. You thought I was joking. I thought I was joking. But, it’s true. That’s where I’ve been since Tuesday: watching TV. Not really, of course. I’ve been working and all that normal stuff, but for some reason I haven’t been blogging. I’ve written several posts to about the 3/4 length, but they always get more tedious and serious than I intended or am in the mood for, so I abandon them.

• Speaking of cable, it is so awesome! Yeah, there’s a lot of crap, but can I tell you how much I love HGTV? And watching Countdown when it actually airs. I forgot how much I love Forensic Files, though I wish it wasn’t on right before I go to bed. In other TV news, I’ve been watching my DVDs of The Big Bang Theory, and I forgot how much I love that show. I didn’t see any of season 2, since it was on when I was working and CBS doesn’t put it online. I’m looking forward to when it’s released to DVD.  Oh, and who’s watching Big Brother with me this summer?  Yeah, it’s kind of trashy, but I always get sucked in.

• I like working and I like my job, but I had a total case of the Mondays this week and things haven’t improved since then. I usually don’t think anything about getting up every morning and spending my whole day pushing books around, but this week I’ve been staring at the clock a lot and counting down the minutes.  Like, right now, it’s 4:12 pm on Thursday and I cannot wait until I get off at 5:15.

• I was so excited this week, because my favorite Fanilow Mandy had a contest and I won. Me! I did. I know I sound like a big walking, makeup wearing cliche when I say this, but I never win anything. This is awesome.

• I’m still enjoying the new apartment so much. One night I had dream after dream about having to move again, but then there was something wrong with every new place and then I was attacked by a giant butterfly (I’m scared of butterflies) that turned out to be a peacock. I was so relieved to wake up in my nice and bug-free apartment. It’s weird, but I find that just being in a new space has thrown off some of my old habits. That’s what I like about new spaces.

• It’s been nice to have a break from my novel. I actually wrote the first few sentences of my next novel this week, and while they’re not good and will have to be rewritten, it was nice just to take that step. The protagonist is a male this time, and I freaked out for a second thinking that I don’t know anything about guys, but then I realized that I don’t know anything about girls either and that hasn’t stopped me before.

• Of course it wouldn’t be a normal week if I didn’t make an idiot of myself with a certain Adorable Boy. Or maybe I haven’t made a bit enough idiot of myself and that’s the problem.

• I haven’t bought any makeup or nail polish in the last two weeks. I haven’t even been tempted to accidentally drive miles out of my way to stop at Ulta. This is progress, though I worry about Ulta staying in business without me.

• I have to confess that I’m a little jealous of you bloggers out there who are traveling this summer, especially those of you who’ve had the opportunity to meet each other.  My lack of disposable income and vacation time is keeping me here in California.  I guess there are worse places to spend a summer, but I hope to meet you all eventually!

Have a great weekend everyone!

• I don’t want to be overly dramatic and say that this has been a terrible week, because it really hasn’t.  But, holy hell, it’s just been one thing after another.  This is a huge week at work with people getting laid off and other people retiring.  My boss who I love to pieces is retiring and now I get a bit teary when I think about it.  During her retirement party, I snuck away to my desk (because I am the world’s worst mingler/small talker) to check on the internet (it requires my constant monitoring).  I landed on CNN, which said that Michael Jackson had been rushed to the hospital.  Then I went to Twitter where I learned he had died.  But Twitter sometimes runs with bad information, so I held out for confirmation.  Then the confirmation came.  I know the uproar over celebrity deaths can sometimes get ridiculous, but ahh . . . Michael Jackson.  I just blogged about him a couple weeks ago and I have been listening to his music non-stop for the last three weeks.  I cannot believe it.  I can’t think of many other people who were larger than life like he was.  It’s not good to be larger than life, but he lived up to so much of the hype.  I’d like nothing better than for us all to spend the next couple weeks rocking out to some truly amazing music.

• I had several Adorable Boy opportunities this week and I fucked them all up.  I don’t know what is wrong with me where when I really like someone, I come off instead like I couldn’t be more uninterested.  I am so annoyed with myself.  I wish one of you would just reach through the computer screen and slap me like I know you must be dying to.

• I was actually kind of bothered by the whole Perez getting knocked out story.  The story itself wasn’t so bad, but I hated all the reactions.  I just don’t understand people who say things like, “Violence is never the answer, but that was hilarious and he had it coming.”  That’s like saying, “Violence is never the answer except when it is.”  If you think violence is sometimes okay, then just say that!  I’m not a strict pacifist either; I’m not willing to say that violence is never the answer.  I don’t like Perez, and I didn’t think his reaction to the incident was genuine. I’m not willing to defend him beyond saying I don’t think he should have gotten punched in the face.  But, the whole thing makes me think a little less of those celebrities who really take him seriously enough to be happy about this.  I don’t know why anyone take him seriously.  Sometimes I think we just need something to be outraged about.

• I’ve been trying to work on my novel.  Well, trying isn’t the word.  I’ve been thinking about how I should try to work on my novel.  I got some written and worked out a few problems, but I haven’t done nearly enough and it’s almost July 1st.

• I had myself deleted from Brazen Careerist this week.  I’ve been wanting to do it for months.   I never visited the site, because I am not a pro blogger or a young executive in training and basically it’s just not geared toward people like me at all.  The site directed almost no traffic to my blog except for the occasional person who would come over here or leave me a comment on Brazen Careerist.  Out of those comments, I’d say 100% of them completely missed the point of my post, did not like what I had to say, and/or felt the need to tell me so in the most obnoxious way possible.  But, I did not want to delete my account, because I kept telling myself that I shouldn’t be afraid of having people disagree with me or even just not like me.  This week I finally realized that I’m getting nothing out of the site and I don’t need to continue to get shit on just to prove something to myself.  Nothing against Brazen Careerist; they were very cool about deleting me.  But, I’ll stick with 20sb for connecting with awesome bloggers.

• I’m in love with dooce’s new baby girl Marlo, which I’m pretty sure makes me a big creep.  I’m not generally into blogs about kids, and I don’t even follow dooce that closely, but I am all over any news about that kid.

• I’m moving on July 1st.  If I haven’t mentioned that.  I’m not looking forward to the pain of dragging all of my stuff over there, but I love settling into new places.  Plus, I will have faster internet in the new place and, prepare yourselves, cable TV.  Well, like, extended-basic cable, but since I currently get nothing, it’s a major improvement.  If you don’t hear from me for a few weeks, I’m probably watching TV.  I haven’t had any kind of cable in about 6 years, so I might lose my mind.

• Speaking of TV, OMG I just got a ton of TV on DVD sets.  I had a bunch of reward points on one of my credit cards, so I cashed them in for a $100 Amazon gift card.  I told myself I was only going to buy shows I hadn’t already seen, but that went out the window when I saw some of my favorite shows available for incredible deals (I think because many were from the season of the writer’s strike).  I got The Big Bang Theory season 1, How I Met Your Mother season 3, 30 Rock season 2 (probably the best show on TV), My Boys season 1 (have only seen a few episodes from later seasons), Psych seasons 1 and 2 (have never seen), and It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia seasons 1, 2, and 3 (know and love).

Have a great weekend everyone!  Enjoy some MJ.

It’s been too long since my last Friday post.

• There was a point this week when I thought we were all going to die.  It was Tuesday night.  I woke up around 3am to the scariest sound.  I’d describe this sound, but I can’t remember it very well.  I thought maybe it was thunder, but I’ve probably only heard thunder once or twice in the three years I’ve lived in California.  Plus, it had been a nice day with no rain.  And it didn’t sound like thunder.  So, my mind went to the next likeliest possibility: the United States was under attack by one of our enemies or maybe aliens.  I got up and looked outside.  I didn’t see any lightening or even rain, but I continued to hear the scary noise.  I opened my laptop and made an unattractive squinty face until the light from the screen was no longer blinding.  I went to CNN.com and Twitter.  They both took forever to load.  At least it seemed that way to someone who thought she was facing death by alien attack.  There was nothing on CNN, but a few pages back, I found one tweet from a Southern Californian commenting on the thunderstorm.   That brought me back to sanity, though I still wasn’t convinced I wouldn’t wake up the next morning to find I was the only human left on Earth.   As my potential last words, I tweeted: “Is that thunder or is the world ending? Crazy noises.” One of the first things I do when I wake up is check my blog email; there waiting for me were nice comments from you guys, so I figured the world had survived.

• I’ve been watching my season 2 How I Met Your Mother DVDs. I was actually surprised to see that I owned them. I stopped buying DVD sets a while ago, because I just didn’t want to shell out the money. I hadn’t seen these episodes in a while, so I was watching through the season and when I got to “Swarly,” I was like, this is my favorite HIMYM episode ever! Then I watched a bit further and got to “Slap Bet,” which is the one with Robin’s music video and concluded that that episode is really my favorite. I remember watching it when it first aired and I nearly died.

• Speaking of TV, I’ve been into My Boys lately. I’ve known of the show for a while and I’ve even seen some episodes, but since I don’t have cable, I’ve never kept up with it. Well, I recently discovered that they put complete episodes up online, so I’ve been trying to catch up. I love it, though every time I see Jim Gaffigan on screen, I just think of Hot Pockets. I hope the show gets a fourth season.

• I tried to write a post about this, but it got weird.  All I really want to say is that I love my job and I am beyond grateful to have it.  At this point, I’d be grateful for any job, because I absolutely need the money, but the fact that I get to work in such a nice atmosphere and for great people puts it over the top.  This isn’t my career and it’s not that intellectually stimulating, but my brain gets enough stimulation from school and research jobs.  It’s nice to have a place that’s just comfortable.  I am very sad that my boss might be retiring very soon.  She’s probably the nicest boss I’ve ever had and I will have to tell her that before she leaves.

• I’ve been doing research around the web for my summer research project and much of what I’ve found are blogs.  People blogging about progressive theology makes me want to do it myself.  I also want to write about politics.  And makeup.  I want to vlog more too!  I have this feeling all the time that I want to do more on the internet, but I already feel stretched a little thin and things will be way worse come Fall, so I am trying to hold back until I am hit with an idea that I can’t just sit on.  In the meantime, I think I’ll just blog about all those things here.  That’s the beauty of a personal blog: I can talk about whatever I want.

• With my evenings free, I find that I drink more.  Hmm.

• I have done some work on my novel, but there’s so much more to do. I am so back and forth, because sometimes I’m like, I have to change everything! and other times I’m like, just a little revision and I’m good. It’s hard to stay balanced.

• The blogosphere seems very quiet lately.  I guess people are out doing fun things.  Odd concept.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend.  Don’t forget to be awesome!

This Friday tops most others.

• I graduate tomorrow.  Have I mentioned that the ceremony is at 8:30 in the morning?  Have I also mentioned that the hooding ceremony is at 7:30 in the morning?  I guess this is all to avoid the crazy heat.  I swear I almost fainted in the audience last year and this year it will all be worse, because I’ll be wearing a black gown and thinking nervously about trying not to trip across the stage.  I hope this early morning graduation will jump start my transition back to a normal working day sleep schedule.

• As I write this, my family is not here, but as you read it, they are.  It makes me sad already to think that they’ll only be here for a few days.  I don’t really get homesick, but sometimes it makes me so sad that I only see my family a couple times a year.  I hope that I eventually find my way back up to the Northwest.

• As if graduating and having my family in town was not enough, this is also the first day of my week and a half vacation.  Unfortunately, I’m not getting paid for this vacation, but it will be so nice to just have some time off.   Will I get anything done?  Probably not.

• In effect, Summer begins for me today.  Even though I wrote a post about summer a few weeks ago, I couldn’t really get my head around it.  It’s here now and my life won’t change that much,  but I’m excited anyway.  My favorite season is Fall, but there is something magical about the Summer.  When I think about last summer, I think iPhone, unemployed, Coldplay, and blogging.  Thrilling, I know.  Some of you were even lucky enough to read those posts.

• I know that David Gray has been working on an album.  I wonder if it will be released this summer.  I just feel like it’s only fair that every summer come with either a Coldplay release or a David Gray release.

• If it’s not there already, then a BlogHer ad will soon be appearing in the sidebar.  Shouldn’t bother anything.  For the record, I will only sell out for nail polish.

Have a super fantastic weekend everyone.  Please think good thoughts about me not tripping down the stairs in my cap and gown.

I’ve always loved Fridays, but lately I am just crazy about them.

• Even though we all link to things very diligently, I think that most of us realize that no one ever clicks on those links. I know this not just because of my stats or because other bloggers have said so, but because I almost never click on links. But, when I posted about that $18 nail polish last week, everyone clicked to see it.

• Ahh, I get to see my family soon! And, you know, I’m actually kind of nervous about it, because they’re coming to visit me. They’re descending on California from both North and South, and I don’t like being the center of attention. But, I wanted them to be at my graduation. I told them it was important to me, which is something I don’t say very often. And so they’re coming!

• I know I’ve talked about my family before, but I should just mention that even though my parents had a terrible divorce (20 years ago), they’re now very friendly, so my my mom, dad, step-dad, and sister are all flying down together and my mom booked hotel rooms for them all and my dad got the rental car. My dad and step-dad call each other husbands-in-law. We’ve got drama like every other family, but I’m really grateful that I can invite them all to important things like this and I don’t have to worry about them fighting or anything. Not all children of divorce are lucky like that, I know.

• I’ve just arranged to work for one of my professors this summer. I am never not surprised when they give me these opportunities. It’s not that I think I’m an idiot. It’s that they give me really challenging tasks that make it hard to feel like I’m ever doing a great job.

• I am really into politics again. I have been since the lead up to the election, but in the last few weeks, I’m just all about it like I was in the Fall. I’m finding myself wanting to talk about it, but I don’t have many outlets for that now and when I do talk to people, I find myself dominating the conversation, because I know a lot more about what’s going on than they do.

• The thing about working in an academic library is that everyone finishes with their books at once and then we are flooded with the returns. That wave came in yesterday. Oh my gosh, there are books everywhere. Sometimes when I tell people I work in a library, they say something to me about loving books, but when you work with books, sometimes you hate them. They’re big and heavy and dusty and sometimes have complicated call numbers, but mostly they are just everywhere. I’m probably going to have a nightmare tonight about being smothered to death by books.

• I feel compelled to read the Twilight books again (minus Breaking Dawn). It’s been a year since I read them the first time. But, I’m not sure if I’ll get swept up again. The first time I read them, I felt like I was under some kind of spell, but then months later I tried to read the Midnight Sun leaked chapters, and I had no interest even though I’m like so totally in love with Edward Cullen and will be 4ever.

• It’s weird being around people working on finals when you’re not.

Have a great weekend everyone. (I want you to know that even though I say that to everyone, I really mean it when I say it to you.)

Lies! It’s still Thursday here on the West Coast. It’s 11:29 pm, and I have 31 minutes until my weekend begins. If you’re wondering why I posted a Friday post on Thursday, it’s because I wasn’t thinking when I scheduled the post.

I don’t have anything prepared to say, which probably means I should just forgo writing, but that doesn’t usually stop me.

There is still no internet in my apartment and a tiny part of me is starting to like it. It’s the part of me who finally figured out that watching You Tube videos on an iPhone isn’t so bad and if I just bring my laptop to work, I can download Countdown with Keith Olbermann (podcast version) and watch that when I get home. I need my fix of political commentary before going to bed.

Is it me or does Michelle Bachman grow crazier by the day? Doesn’t she have a staff to check her facts? I understand mistakes when you’re speaking without preparation, but when you’re on the floor of the House? I hope she says smart things too and the liberal media only focuses on the ridiculous things she says. You have to figure there was some reason she was elected.

I was reading a message board today and someone said something about water boarding, and 15 people asked what that was. It really shocked me. I don’t usually rant about the ill informed. I didn’t know what water boarding was until it came out that we were using it to torture people. But, I was really surprised that so few people knew considering the memos that were released and everything.

It’s 11:44 pm now.

I’m working on this research assignment for one of my professors. It feels a little over my head, but nearly all research tasks do at first. Grad school has challenged me in so many ways. When people ask, I don’t go on and on about how hard it is and ZOMG there’s so much work! That’s because I’m now capable of doing work I had no idea I could do and finishing assignments faster that I could imagine. I do get tired of being pushed all the time. It really got to me my first year. But, it’s amazing what a little pushing can do. That’s why I think it’s so important for people to do things that challenge them.

11:48 pm

I’ve been watching episodes of Arrested Development again. I’m really curious about the movie they’re working on. It’s hard to imagine the show as a movie, but it’s also hard to imagine that group doing anything that isn’t awesome.

11:49 pm

Wow, I wrote that last paragraph quickly.

11:52 pm

I went back to reread what I’d already written and proof it. I notice that when I read my old posts, I find a lot of typos. I’d like to think my newer posts have fewer, but I probably don’t have enough distance from them yet to see the mistakes. It was so hard to proofread my thesis, because it was so freaking long and I could not see my mistakes at all. My mom and dad both want to read it, and I have to admit that I will be really embarrassed if they find a bunch of typos. They’re both perfectionists in that way, and I guess that’s how I want them to see me too.

11:54 pm

I really want this nail polish, but it’s $18 a bottle. No can do.

11:56 pm

The header for my blog is missing. I upgraded my blog theme and accidentally deleted my custom header. Whoops. I need to figure out how to get it back.

11:57 pm

I don’t have an plans this weekend. What are you up to?

11:58 pm

Okay, time to shut down my computer. Thanks for spending some time with me! TGIF!

• I put these posts in a category called What’s Happening, and every time I select it, I hear the boss from Office Space saying, “what’s happening Peter” in that way he does. I need to watch that movie again. It’s been a while.

• Don’t you like to think that you’re not a total sucker for advertising? Those gimmicks might get other people, but not me, because I’m smrt. Turns out I’m a fool like everyone else. Lately I’ve been a major sucker for coupons and buy one, get one 50% off sales. Yeah, you can save a lot, but how often do I end up buying things I wouldn’t buy at all if I had to pay full price? All the time.

• My mom and step-dad sent me some money this week. I guess Uncle Sam was kind to them, so they gave each of us kids (there are 5 of us) a check. For some reason, it’s so important for me to hold onto this idea that I’m not spoiled, but sometimes it’s hard to deny. Yeah, no one’s buying me a car or saying don’t worry about this, we’ve got it covered, but every once in a while I’m surprised by the generosity of my parents, and when I go home, I’m treated like a princess. I have it good–no question.

• I’ve been thinking about dieting again. I haven’t for a year now, and I don’t know if I really feel up to it. If I do decide to diet, I don’t know if I’ll blog about it or not. I used to write quite a bit about weight loss, but now it doesn’t seem nearly as interesting to me as it once did.

• I love when you people go to ULTA and then tell me about it. It’s funny because, oddly enough, there are aspects of my personality that I’m sometimes surprised to see carry over to my blog. One of those aspects is my tendency toward obsession. I know there are a lot of us out there, but I’m one of those people who more often loves things than likes things. I get interested in something and have to know everything about it right away. I get stuck on something and I can’t keep myself away. It’s unfortunate when I land on things like ULTA, because it’s rough on the grad student budget.

• While we’re on that grad student budget, I have a hard time calling it a budget, because basically I work a million jobs and yet there is never enough money. Any way you slice it, I’m thousands and thousands of dollars in debt, and the closer I get to the end of my education, the more real that money feels. It really is that depressing.

• I had a few Adorable Boy sighting this week, which always makes things a little more exciting, though I could do with fewer reminders that I’m an idiot and a pathetic excuse for a confident girl. Did I just call myself confident?

• By the time I get off work at night, it’s already been dark for hours and hours. I live so close by that even though I drive, the longest part of my commute is the walk to my car from the library. I always listen to my iPod on that walk. In fact I listen to my iPod a great percentage of the day. But, the only time I worry about finding the perfect song is for that few minute walk to my car. It’s become a personal challenge to pick one song that I think will move me on that particular night as I walk–or, usually, jump-skip-walk because I’m happy to be off work. When I don’t feel up to the challenge, I just listen to “In Your Eyes” because it always works.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Time for some good old fashioned Friday bullets

• I finished the first draft of my novel last July and decided that I needed to put it aside so I could concentrate on my thesis. So, I put it away and then about seven months later I actually started working on my thesis. A little over a week ago, I finished my thesis. I don’t have any excuses anymore. I still work a million jobs and I could let that distract me from fiction forever, but I don’t want to let it. I miss working on fiction, and I’m excited to get back to the story. My goal this weekend is to spend at least some time working on the novel and dipping my feet back into those waters.

• I’ve recently gained a new appreciation for drugstore makeup.

• I have been eating so so so terribly. I have weird issues with food. I wrote a post about it once, but I never published it because I just couldn’t find the right tone. Quite honestly, it sounded like I had an eating disorder and was in denial about it. But, my food issues are not related to body issues and while they may be psychological, they are not psychological in the same way that anorexia and bulimia are. I’m just a very picky eater, and when I get busy and stressed I become really indifferent to food. None of this really adds up to weight loss for me. It just makes me feel like crap, and right now I’m feeling really apathetic about making a change.

• All the stuff this week with Miss Musing has just been so weird.  I guess it should make us all a little less trusting of each other, but I really don’t feel that way.  Call me a fool, but I think you’re all genuine.  I did go on this really weird mind trip, though, where I wondered how you could know that I am who I say I am.  I was like, well, there are pictures of me all over my blog. But, pictures don’t prove anything.  Well, I have recorded vlogs where I say the name of my blog. Okay, so the girl in the pictures is the same who owns this blog, but is she the same one writing all the words? Umm . . .  I talk about pretty specific things. And, how do we know you’re telling the truth? Well, if I’m not telling the truth, then I sure makes up some weird stuff. You could be doing that to throw us off.  Okay, I give up.

• I’m going to have two weeks off at the end of May. I’m so excited that I don’t even know what I’m going to do with myself. Lisa has the same two weeks off, so we’re planning on doing some things, but we’re pretty boring people (no offense, Lisa), so we’ll probably end up drinking and watching tv.

• I know that C.S. Lewis once said “We read to know we are not alone,” but I think “We blog to know we are not alone.” The longer I blog, the further I go in confessing all the weird things about myself, and just when I think I’m really going to take you by surprise, I find out that I’m not so unique after all, and I mean that in the best possible way. It was such great news to hear that I’m not the only one who worries that she seems too serious or who makes really strange faces.

Have a great weekend everyone!