God, writing fiction is hard.  I know I knew that already, but I have realized it all over again while working on NaNoWriMo.  It makes me never want to critique another piece of literature, because I am too much in awe of anyone who can sit down day after day and put words onto paper that make sense or are at least good enough that someone else is willing to sit down and read them.

It’s hard enough just to write.  It’s a struggle to get the story in your head into a series of sentences.  But then to read it over and realize how awful it is, is almost defeating.

I know it’s okay to suck.  I know that the more I write the better I’ll get, but it’s hard to see that way when you consider how much work is involved in writing a novel.  Don’t get me wrong, I will always choose my awfully written novels over the unrealized dream of some day writing one, but they come with a lot of frustration.  And a lot of bad dialogue.

I’m not giving up, of course.  That’s the last thing I want to do.  I just need to admit that it’s difficult for me to be so terrible at something I care so much about.  I need to stop expecting myself to spin gold and instead I need to trust Ira Glass when he says that if you work long enough at something, you will eventually start creating at a level on par with your taste.  In the meantime, maybe I should listen to “Gonna Fly Now” and pretend I’m Rocky, training for the big fight.

I have been thinking of NaNoWriMo.  If you have been living under a rock, that’s National Novel Writing Month.  Also know as, the month of November, when a gang of crazy people set out to write 50,000 word novels in one month.  I have known about NaNoWriMo for a long time, but I have never participated.  I wasn’t going to participate this year either.  As much as I hate to talk about how busy I am and as much as I don’t believe other people when they tell me how busy they are, when I was thinking clearly, I knew that I didn’t have time for this.  But, I’m not thinking clearly anymore.  I guess my feeling is, why the hell not give it a try?  Worst case scenario, I get a lot more writing done that I would have otherwise.

I want to encourage anyone who’s even considering it to just jump off the cliff and join in the fun already, but I also want to say that if you don’t realize how difficult it’s going to be to write 50,000 words in one month, let me tell you.  I did it once.  And this is coming from someone who writes quickly and writes a lot, but putting down that many words was one of the most challenging things I have ever done.  By the end, I was half crazy.  I felt like a part of me went along with the words.  But, it was also the most amazing feeling to look at what I had done.  In fact, it’s still an amazing feeling just to look at it now and say, “I created this.”

There are a lot of critics of NaNoWriMo.  It’s mostly people who think that if a word count is your goal, then you’re bound to write crap.  Noted.  But, if you have no goal, you’re bound to never write anything at all.  The reason why so many people want to write novels and never do is because it’s really hard and they don’t know where to start.  You start by writing and you finish my continuing to write.  You will write a lot of crap whether you take your sweet time or write 50,000 words in 30 days.  I think, though, that with every word you put down, you’re gaining more experience and getting closer to writing something that is not crap.  It’s really easy to spend all your time getting ready to write a novel.  You can buy a new laptop, get a new desk, prepare outlines, research settings, but you don’t really have anything until you start writing.  For fans of The Big Bang Theory, it’s like Sheldon learning to swim on the carpet instead of jumping into the deep end of the pool.

I’m talking mostly to myself, of course.   I have a novel that’s begging me to write it.  Characters who want to speak.  And limits of my own that need to be pushed.  There are still a lot of things I’m uncertain about, but I’m not going to figure them out while I sit here not writing.  I don’t have a life free of distractions.  I don’t have the kind of motivation that can’t be ignored.  I don’t even have time enough to write a little every day.  But, I’m going to take on the challenge anyway.  There is a very good chance I’ll fail, but no chance that I’ll finish with less than I started.

The amazing thing about running races is that you get to do it with other people.  You’re not the crazy person out on the street by yourself, running when you could be doing a million things easier and more comfortable.  Instead, you’re the crazy person surrounded by a bunch of other crazy people who are excited to be doing the thing that’s not easy.  I hope that NaNoWriMo feels the same way.  If you’re thinking about doing it, just give in already and join the rest of us.  We’re waiting for you.

If you’re already in, let me know.  If you want to join, visit NaNoWriMo and sign up.  My username is writetoreach.  Add me as a buddy.

I know what the Wri Mo in NaNoWriMo really stands for, but I always think of it as a command to Write More!