Nothing seems as perfect to me as music.  I am awed by novels and movies.  Sometimes they’re so good that I don’t understand how they’re even possible.  But I am game to kick them around and pick them apart.  There were too many coincidences, then that boring part in the middle, and who told that guy he could pass for British?

Maybe it’s because I’ve never been that involved in creating music.  I played the clarinet for a million years, but despite my parents insisting I was once “very good,” I was not good at all and never cared that much and do not miss it.  (Okay, but if someone wants to form a pep band that only ever plays “Smoke on the Water” and “Land of 1000 Dances,” you have a clarinetist.)

I’m almost protective of the fact that I don’t know what makes music magical to me. I don’t want to talk about lyrics that might not make that much sense or compare the new stuff to the old stuff.  It matters to me or it doesn’t. And I’m not casual about it at all.  If I like it then I will listen forever.  Feeling Strangely Fine was my favorite album in the 8th grade and I still listen to it at least once a week.

Music takes on the obsessive and complicated thoughts in my brain by infecting the rest of my body first.  It makes me get up from my desk and go for a walk before I can think not to.  It makes me jump up and down in my apartment.  It makes me want to take big risks.  It makes the limitations I put on myself seem stupid.  It makes me want to get my heart broken, so that I’ll understand.  Then I do get my heart broken and it’s always worse than I remembered, but at least I have music to make me feel worse and then better.

Sometimes I get stuck and start thinking, “No one will ever understand  me the way David Gray doesssss,” and then I listen to someone new and I’m like, “Adele, you are teaching me how to feeeeeel things.”

Novels and movies don’t sweep me away the way they used to, but music still does.

I’ve always been an album person.  Even now that they’re in danger of going extinct, I get to know artists through whole albums and not just individual songs.  The music I listen to, I listen to over and over again, rarely letting anyone new in.  That’s just how we do it in my family.  Here are some of the albums I’ve come to associate with certain periods of my life, because I listened to them on repeat for months on end.

This album was 8th grade for me. Semisonic was my first favorite band--the first that was all my own. I love all of their albums, but Feeling Strangely Fine was how I found them (it has "Closing Time" on it) and it's probably my favorite. I remember listening to it on my discman while riding the bus and walking home from school.

And then my growing taste in music basically got derailed for four years while I obsessed over NSYNC. After a really long wait for a new album, No Strings Attached came out in March 2000. Lisa and I saw them in concert that same month, our first concert ever. It was amazing and we ended up seeing this same concert another two times (and NSYNC a total of 6 times). After returning from one of the concerts where we had amazing seats, Lisa's mom said it looked like we'd seen Jesus. I knew then as I know now that there are some ridiculous filler songs on this CD, but it is still a pretty awesome pop album, the soundtrack to some of the most fun I've ever had. Don't think I wouldn't sell everything I own to see them on those puppet strings again.

I started listening to James Taylor in 2001. My Mom got his greatest hits album and everyone in the house was forced to listen to it as well. I couldn't resist for long. We saw him in concert September 16, 2001, and I can only describe that experience as a big group hug when everyone really needed just that. JT has been a comfort to me since. He was my best friend during that confusing time called figuring-out-what-to-do-after-high-school.

This album defines Summer 2003. It was the Summer after my first year of college. I'd started listening to Coldplay earlier that year, but not Parachutes. I have a really specific memory of driving around in my mom's car with the windows down, listening to this CD, "Don't Panic" especially. Coldplay is still one of my favorite bands, definitely my favorite to see live, and Parachutes is the perfect album to listen to when I'm feeling nostalgic.

I'd been listening to Travis a while before I got around to this album, but it is probably the one that sticks the strongest in my mind, defining 2004. "Writing to Reach You," which of course has special meaning to me, I always connect to December 2004, driving the streets of Tacoma in the dark, wanting something I didn't have.

I remember so specifically that I started listening to David Gray in January 2005, the month my life got turned upside down by my first theology class. This album had been sitting in my suggestions box from Amazon for years and one day I caved in and bought it. I don't remember loving another album so instantly and at a time in my life when I didn't know what to think about anything anymore. I love every David Gray album (he is my favorite lyricist) and as he's said himself A New Day At Midnight is probably not his best, but it has a special place in my heart.

I started listening to this album in November of my first year of grad school (2006). That was a horribly emotional year for me and this was just the depressing album to go with it. "9 Crimes" still breaks my hear every time I hear it and "Rootless Tree" is my go-to fuck you song. I remember a Thanksgiving trip to Spokane where I listened to this album on repeat and wrote my heart out in my journal.

Summer 2008. The Summer I started this blog, the Summer I was unemployed for a month (my longest stretch without a job), the Summer I wrote the novel, and the Summer I read all the Twilight books. I have to mention the Twilight connection, because it was an event featuring Stephenie Meyer and Justin from Blue October that made me start listening to the band in the first place. This album is the best thing I got out of that experience. And no one understands my love of "Congratulations" like @katieblogs.

I hate to repeat artists here, but I basically did not listen to any other album in 2009. "Battleships" is forever tied in my head to a certain adorable boy and "Big Chair" to walking the stacks late at night. This album fueled a lot of blogging.

Spring 2010. I love this album for its energy. It has matched my mood so much better this year than my normal depressing stuff. When I was in Arizona visiting my brother in March, I could hardly stand the minutes not spent listening to this album.

I had to leave some albums out.  It seems the pop music especially got the shaft.  And the truth is that every Semisonic, James Taylor, and especially David Gray and Coldplay album defines a time in my life.

What albums define a certain period of your life?

]]> http://www.writingtoreachyou.com/2010/07/26/for-every-season/feed/ 11 http://www.writingtoreachyou.com/2010/02/22/its-a-fool-who-plays-it-cool/ http://www.writingtoreachyou.com/2010/02/22/its-a-fool-who-plays-it-cool/#comments Mon, 22 Feb 2010 11:00:25 +0000 Ashley http://www.writingtoreachyou.com/?p=3753

I’ve become quite convinced that “Hey Jude” was written for me. It’s just that Ashley doesn’t rhyme with a lot of things and I was -15 years old at the time of its release. I guess it’s easier to believe that James Taylor’s “Shower the People” was written for me; I was only seven years from being born when it was released. The message is the same: don’t miss out on awesome things by playing it cool. Let people in. Play the fool.

The Beatles sing it, “Hey Jude don’t be afraid/ You were made to go out and get her/ The minute you let her under your skin/ Then you begin to make it better/ And any time you feel the pain, Hey Jude, refrain/ Don’t carry the world upon your shoulders/ For well you know that it’s a fool who plays it cool/ By making his world a little colder.”

And James Taylor sings it, “You can run but you cannot hide/ This is widely known/ And what you plan to do with your foolish pride/ When you’re all by yourself alone/ Once you tell somebody the way that you feel/ You can feel it beginning to ease/ I think it’s true what they say about the squeaky wheel/ Always getting the grease.”

A couple weeks ago, I started listening to The Beatles.  Every time I listen to the Beatles, I get “Paperback Writer” stuck in my head for weeks. This time was no different.  After a couple days, I started thinking about what The Beatles have to say about love–not just that it’s all you need.  It would make a great post, but I can’t articulate it thoroughly.  I guess it strikes me as simple, but not unreal.  Potentially heart breaking, something that shapes you, but not something you’ll never recover from.

For whatever deeper meaning they might have, the songs also make sense literally.  And I like that, because I prefer simple language and clear meaning over what sounds good and says nothing.  I am all about ambiguous feelings, but there’s something to be said about lines like, “I want to hold your hand,” “when I’m home, everything seems to be right,” “help me if you can, I’m feeling down. And I do appreciate you being ’round,” “love you every day girl, always on my mind; one thing I can say girl, love you all the time; hold me, love me,” and “if she’s gone, I can’t go on.”  Not to suggest the Beatles only ever said one thing about love–just that listening to their music gives me that transcendent feeling that makes me look at love differently.

As big of a place in my heart as there is for happy music, I tend to gravitate toward the depressing.  Maybe that’s why between the Eddie Veder Cover and The Beatles version, I’ve listened to “You’ve Got To Hid Your Love Away” more than a hundred times.  Maybe I don’t buy that love is all you need, but I tend to side with the theme that seems to underlie all of these songs: love is the most important thing.  Definitely the most interesting and exciting as well.

The weird thing about The Beatles is that I grew up listening to them, so some songs I like because they remind me of a time in my life.  But, I have never been obsessed with The Beatles like I have been obsessed with other favorite bands.  They’re just there.  That really stable person in your life you sometimes forget how much you love until you’re reminded.  It annoys me when people say The Beatles are overrated.¹  I guess it’s easy to say, because they were so huge, but it seems to me what people are saying is that they weren’t substantial.  And they were, whether you like their music or not.²

A couple weekends ago, I started watching The Beatles Anthology, a documentary film that was put together in the nineties.  Lucky me, the library owns the whole thing (there are six parts).  The opening shots, a picture of each of the guys when they started quickly followed by a picture (I’m guessing) around the time they stopped playing together, suddenly made me feel nostalgic for a time I was never a part of.  I guess the same way The Graduate makes me nostalgic for the 60s and The Big Chill for the 80s.³

Watching the documentary has basically been about correcting weird assumptions I have about The Beatles.  Like that Ringo wasn’t very talented; he was actually in a more popular group first and he had a really cool beard.  I always think that John was killed earlier than he was.  I’ve never heard George Harrison, who for no reason at all has always been my favorite Beatles, talk so much.  Somehow, and this is embarrassing, I thought George played bass and Paul played lead guitar; it was the other way around, of course, and apparently I’ve never looked too closely at them performing. I was also surprised at just how awesome their hair was in their earliest years; Robert Pattinson has nothing on The Beatles.

If you have one (or many), please do me the favor of naming your favorite Beatles songs, so that I can check them out if I haven’t already.

1. It annoys me when anyone says anyone is overrated.
2. I will never understand people who can’t see beyond their own personal taste.
3. Actually, the 60s as well, since that’s what it’s in reaction to.

With a few exceptions, I stopped writing about music when I realized I had nothing interesting to say about it and the only response I heard back was the sound of crickets.  But this is different, because this is David Gray and David Gray is just, well, he means everything to me.  And he has a new album coming out today/tooo-day/tah-day/heute.

David Gray came into my life at a time when I really needed him.  It was January 2005 and my world was being turned upside down by a little Intro to Theology class I registered for last minute when I realized the original class I’d signed up for wouldn’t fill the necessary requirement for graduation.  It’s crazy to me that such a small thing managed to so affect the course of my life.  If not for that class, I don’t know what I’d be doing right now.  I suspect either working a job that wasn’t my passion, studying English or Education in grad school, or teaching high school.

I was filled with such uncertainty about everything and that was kind of a new thing for me. But, I was listening to David Gray’s A New Day at Midnight and it was my escape.  It calmed me down and even made me appreciate the waives of uncertainty.  I started digging back through his old albums, buying them one or two at a time.  I hate to be too literal, but David Gray has songs that make me turn a critical eye to society, songs that always put a smile on my face, songs that make me say “that’s how I want to be in love,” songs that are good for wallowing, songs that motivate me, and even songs that make me think I’d love to talk theology with him.

What I love most about David Gray is his lyrics and that’s not something I’d say about my other favorite, Coldplay.  Here are a few of my favorites:

From “Let The Truth Sting”
What I say
What I think
What I put down in ink
I’m only trying to find a way to understand

From “Gutters Full of Rain”
Never noticing the war
‘Til it’s right outside your door
And suddenly your hands, bloody

From “Red Moon”
With all that I’ve witnessed
Hard to believe
I still find it in me to be so naive

From “Be Mine”
Maybe when your heart and soul are burning you might see
That every time I’m talking to you it’s always over too soon
And every day feels so incomplete
‘Til you walk into the room

From “Babylon”
Sunday all the lights of London shining
Sky is fading red to blue
I’m kicking through the Autumn leaves
And wondering where it is you might be going to
Turning back for home
You know I’m feeling so alone
I can’t believe
Climbing on the stair
I turn around to see you smiling there
In front of me

I still remember September 2005 when I raced to the store to get the new David Gray album.  It’s strange to think that a) I’ve only gotten to do that once despite being a fan for nearly 5 years and b) going to the store to buy a CD seems very outdated.

If you’re not a David Gray fan and you’ve made it this far, I commend you and suggest that if running out to buy the new album Draw the Line, plus his seven previous albums, doesn’t sound like something you’re up for, then maybe check out some of these: Freedom, Fugitive, This Year’s Love, Please Forgive Me, Babylon (you’ve no doubt heard this before), Shine, Lately, The One I Love, The Other Side, Alibi, and Sail Away.

Way back somewhere deep in my journals, I declared James Taylor to be my non-romantic soulmate.  I wouldn’t mention the non-romantic part now if I didn’t specifically remember writing it that way.   I guess it was surprising to find a then fifty-something who spoke so directly to my then seventeen-year-old soul.¹

It was the Summer before my senior year of high school when my mom came home with James Taylor’s Greatest Hits.  As we do in my family, she began to listen to it on repeat.  We were all just relieved that she finally retired her copy of our church’s Christmas album, which she’d been listening to incessantly for years. ²  It was something we could all agree on, so we began listening to James Taylor whenever we were all hanging out in the kitchen.  Later that year, we saw him in concert.  I will never forget the date of that concert, because it was September 16, 2001, and we walked past a silent 9/11 vigil at the Seattle Center on our way into Key Arena.

I think I’d only been to NSYNC concert before that,³ so this was a different concert experience for me.  James said that they’d thought about canceling the concert, but he decided that there was probably nothing we needed more at that time than to all be together.  It was nice to just sit and listen to music instead of standing up and screaming.  I left feeling like I’d just received a big hug from the universe.

And James Taylor has owned my soul ever since.  I started listening to his music on my own.  That Winter when my mom and I traveled to California to visit colleges, I was in some kind of terrible and anxious mood, but I was listening to his album JT and it calmed me.  “Another Grey Morning” is still one of my favorite depressing songs to listen to when I’m in a funk.

I hardly think I would have made it through my freshman year of college without the live album.  I listened to it constantly and whenever I came across “Country Road” I’d have to skip back and listen to it again on my portable CD player.  That specific recording of that song means more to me than most things in this world.  When it came up today in shuffle, I had to listen to it at least 10 times before sitting down to write this post.  Nothing turns my feelings about the uncertain future from dread to adventure faster than “Country Road.”   The title of this post is only one of my favorite lines.   There’s this part of the live version that I just live for.  I could write out the lyrics, but it wouldn’t do it justice.

I’m sure that it was “Shower the People” that made me write those words about James Taylor being my non-romantic soul mate, though.  The lyrics are still something I need to hear regularly:  “You can play the game and you can act out the part/ Though you know it wasn’t written for you/ Tell me, how do you stand there with your broken heart/ Ashamed of playing the fool/ One thing can lead to another; it doesn’t take any sacrifice . . . You can run but you cannot hide/ This is widely known/ And what you plan to do with your foolish pride/ When you’re all by yourself alone/ Once you tell somebody the way that you feel/ You can feel it beginning to ease/ I think it’s true what they say about the squeaky wheel/ Always getting the grease.”

It’s amazing how much music can mean to a life.  I can listen to songs that once meant so much to me and suddenly old feelings becomes new ones again.

1. Of course, he wrote a lot of his music when he was much younger.
2. It really was a good album.
3. That means I was a JT (Justin Timberlake) fan before I was a JT (James Taylor) fan.

I think that most of you know my blog is named after the Travis song “Writing to Reach You.” It’s a song I’ve liked for a long time, but my love for it probably peaked in early 2005. Still, the phrase writing to reach you has continued to echo in my head. For a long time, I really wanted to get it tattooed on my wrist.

So, I named my blog after the phrase more so than the song. Here’s what I like about the phrase. It’s about writing, but it’s about writing for a purpose: to reach people. That’s what blogging is to me. I write because it’s what I like to do, but I don’t write just for me. I write because I want people to read and enjoy it. Maybe there will always be something a little selfish about that, but other people are necessary to it. Writing to me is fundamentally about communication, and I judge writing by how well in communicates. That’s why I don’t care about big words or complex sentences. Good writing is clear. Good writing reaches people. It takes chances, but it doesn’t get in the way of itself.

Still, when you name your blog after a song, you can’t help but feel that the song is intimately connected to your blog. Now when I listen to “Writing to Reach You,” I feel like it should give me some kind of special blog vibes or I should find some relevance to my blog hidden within the lyrics. But I don’t, because the song is more about heartbreak than writing and, well, it was released in 1999, before the concept of a blog was anything concrete.

At least, that’s what I thought for a long time. But, several months ago, I was listening to “Writing to Reach You,” and I made a connection to the blog that I’ve never made before. Like most music I like, it’s a depressing song. There’s such futility and impotence to the idea of writing to reach someone. Talking to someone or yelling at them is a bold act; they can’t help but hear you. But, writing is much more passive and your audience can choose to read your words or they can walk away. Still, you have something to say, and maybe you can’t scream it from the mountain tops like you’d really like to, but you have to do something, so you write. And, your writing might never reach people the way you want it to, but at least you’re putting it out there.

I’m not good at communicating myself. As my sister told me a few months ago, “you don’t talk to us.” Of course, she went on to call me self-righteous, which sums up why I don’t talk about anything real with my sister: she always makes me regret it. I’m not good at telling people about myself. I’m not good at putting myself on the line. But, I want to connect with people, and I can write. So, I do write. And, it’s never quite enough, especially because the people I most want to know me don’t know that I have a blog. But, it’s something.

I’ll be honest, I sometimes romanticize the futility of writing to reach people–of writing to reach you. There’s a longing to it. It’s a little desperate. But, it keeps me striving forward. It keeps me writing. I thrive on depressing crap like this.

A couple weeks ago I was listening to the 2ge+her soundtrack and I came across this quote. Let me just say that I couldn’t agree more. In tough economic times, Americans often turn to entertainment. I guess it’s a form of escapism.

If history teaches us anything, it’s that every 8-10 years, there is a new wave of boy bands. Well, it’s about that time again. Prepare yourself for some smooth melodies, some flashy choreography, and some terrible clothing.

The boy bands might be the driving force, but I hope they bring with them a resurgence of feel good pop music. I guess pop music hasn’t really gone anywhere; that would be a contradiction in terms.  So, maybe it’s not pop music that’s changed, but me. Still, I’m hoping for a pop wave that’s strong enough to sweep away even the cynical mid-twenty somethings like me.

At 14, I was kind of embarrassed to be an NSYNC fan. This time I hope not to take myself so seriously.

Get your glow sticks ready!

As a kid I spent a lot of time with my older sister.  Basically, because my mom was a single parent, my sister was stuck with me all of the time.  A fact this older sister doesn’t like to talk about much anymore is that she was once obsessed with Michael Jackson.

I remember our special trip to the store to buy Dangerous the day it came out.  It was also the day we bought our first CD player.  I remember watching that famous Oprah interview at Netherland Ranch where he showed her how to do the Moon Walk.  I remember being glued to the television for every video premiere.  I remember one Halloween when we thought it would be a good idea to create our own haunted house and blast “Thriller” for hours on end.

I haven’t thought much about Michael Jackson in recent years, but a series of random occurrences brought me back to him this week.  The result was me downloading all of his greatest hits and listening to them on repeat for days on end.  Guy was a musical genius and his work stands the test of time.

I never know how to comment on music.  It moves me on some level that I’ve never found the words to express.  Generally I veer toward the depressing, introspective kind of music you’d expect from the author of this blog, but there is a giant hole in my heart that only pop music can fill and the King of Pop himself is taking up most of that space right now.

I mean, what can I say about Michael Jackson’s music that you don’t already know?  It’s just good.  It’s beyond catchy, but the lyrics are also really interesting. “P.Y.T (Pretty Young Thing)” inspired yesterday’s post on ridiculous acronyms.   “Bad” made me want to pop the collar of my jean jacket as I walked through the library today.  “Man in the Mirror,” which I always thought was “Man in the Middle” when I was a kid, makes me want to be a better person in the cheesiest way possible.  “Human Nature” and “Wanna Be Startin’ Something” make me feel restless.  “The Way You Make Me Feel” just makes me smile.  “Will You Be There” makes me want to watch Free Willy.  “Remember the Time” makes me wish they still made music videos like they used to.  “Dirty Diana,” “Billie Jean,” and “Smooth Criminal” make me realize how much went over my head as a kid.  And, “You are Not Alone” makes me want to curl up into the fetal position and cry.

I know Michael Jackson’s later life often overshadows his music, especially for new generations.  I’m not for separating genius from crazy, professional from personal, or early from late.  You have to look at people in their complexity and that’s usually messy.  My favorite authors are mostly alcoholic reclusives if they aren’t misogynists who abandoned their families.  My favorite philosophers and theologians?  Mostly adulterers.  Even Martin Luther King Jr. plagiarized large portions of his dissertation, which happened to be about a brilliant theologian with a habit of sleeping with undergraduates.  We know so little about Jesus’ life, who knows what he was up to?  What can you say?  No one deserves a pedestal. Doesn’t mean they have nothing to contribute.

I’m just saying, take a little time this weekend to walk down memory lane.  And, hey, if you’ve been looking for some new workout music, you just found it.  If you’re feeling more introspective, listen to “Man in the Mirror” and question everything about your life.  If you’ve had a rough week, consider “Leave Me Alone.” If you just want to have a good weekend, go for “Don’t Stop ‘Til You Get Enough” or something.

]]> http://www.writingtoreachyou.com/2009/06/12/who-else-could-rock-loafers/feed/ 0 http://www.writingtoreachyou.com/2008/12/01/im-otherwise-very-reasonable/ http://www.writingtoreachyou.com/2008/12/01/im-otherwise-very-reasonable/#comments Mon, 01 Dec 2008 11:00:52 +0000 Ashley http://writingtoreach.wordpress.com/?p=804

My favorite band in eighth grade: Semisonic (of “Closing Time” fame). My favorite band from ninth to twelfth grade: NSYNC. Yeah, I don’t know what happened. I blame it on Lisa.

But, what can I say? I could defend myself, but the truth is that some of the most fun I’ve had in my entire life was being an NSYNC fan. We spent the little money we had on rare import CDs I’m still too proud to throw away. We had boxes of video tapes, and stressed over getting every TV appearance recorded. We saw them in concert. We traveled to Vegas to see them–twice. And, if Justin ever stops being too famous for them to go on a reunion tour, I am there.

I’ve been listening to some NSYNC CDs lately, and, to be honest, I’ve thought, “what was I thinking??” But, I stand behind this statement: NSYNC was the best of the 90s-00s boy bands. Want to argue? Let’s! I’d love nothing more than to talk boy bands.

Now, I’m mostly into Semisonic-esque depressing stuff. But, there remains in my heart a place for pop music. It raises the mood like nothing else. Maybe I’ve seen Coldplay in concert seven times, but I’ve seen NYSNC six times (eight times if you count Justin solo). I’ve also seen Britney and even O-town.

If anyone’s interested in reminiscing, here you go:

I Want You Back

Tearin’ Up My Heart

God Must Have Spent

I Drive Myself Crazy (my favorite NSYNC video)

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays (the song that started it all for me)

Bye Bye Bye

It’s Gonna Be Me

This I Promise You

Music of My Heart

Pop

Gone

Girlfriend

No Strings Attached (aka, the best performance ever)

P.S. I was going to marry Lance. Don’t laugh too hard.

I’ve been made fun of more than once for loving depressing music. Based on some of the music I listen to, you’d think I spend my days curled up in the fetal position crying. Okay, it is true. Coldplay, David Gray, Damien Rice, Aqualung, and most of my other favorites, well, they sound depressing even when they’re singing about how happy they are. And, if I was a singer-songwriter, I’d probably sound the same. But, just because I listen to depressing music does not mean I’m depressed.

I listen to depressing music, because it moves me. It’s introspective. It changes the way I think about things. It makes me feel deeper. It reaches me. And, it has this magical way of elevating the normal events of my life and giving them more meaning.

The difference a good soundtrack makes to a movie is the same difference moving music makes to a life.

This is not to say that moving music has to be depressing. That’s just my preference. It takes different music to reach us all.

I love the way that music can alter your mood, or even take you to a different place. You know I hate the idea of waiting to be inspired; in my opinion, that’s the recipe for never finishing anything. But, when I was working on my novel, I sometimes found it difficult to get myself into the place I needed to be in order to write a specific scene. For instance, I had to write a really emotional, heartbreaking scene at a time when I was feeling pretty happy and content. I got myself there by listening to a loop of the most depressing song ever: Bonnie Raitt’s “I Can’t Make You Love Me.” Okay, maybe it’s not the most depressing song ever (maybe this one wins), but “you can’t make your heart feel something it won’t?” Way to break my heart, Bonnie!

This weekend, I discovered the amazing ability that depressing music has to push me out of indifference and apathy. When I feel sad, I listen to depressing music. When I feel nothing, I listen to depressing music. And, when I feel happy, I listen to slightly more hopeful depressing music, though I must admit that there will always be a small place in my heart for cheesy pop music.

Here are some of my old and new favorite depressing (I mean, introspective) songs. I welcome recommendations.

• David Gray, “Gathering Dust”
• Coldplay, “See You Soon”
• Semisonic, “Act Naturally”
• Bruce Springsteen, “The Ghost of Tom Joad”
• Sia, “Breathe Me”
• Damien Rice, “9 Crimes”
• Brendan James, “Hero’s Song“
• Semisonic, “I Wish”
• Coldplay, “Careful Where You Stand”
• Springsteen, “Streets of Philadelphia”
• Aqualung, “Strange & Beautiful”
• Switchfoot, “You”
• Bonnie Raitt, “I Can’t Make You Love Me”
• Coldplay, “Sparks”
• Blue October, “Congratulations”
• David Gray, “Say Hello, Wave Goodbye”
• Semisonic, “Gone to the Movies”
• Damien Rice, “Cannonball”
• Dashboard Confessional, “The Best Deceptions”
• David Gray, “What am I Doing Wrong?”
• Jack Johnson, “All at Once”
• James Taylor, “Another Grey Morning”
• Simon and Garfunkel, “The Sound of Silence”
• Josh Groban, “Remember When it Rained?”
• Aqualung, “Another Little Hole”
• Death Cab for Cutie, “I Will Follow You Into the Dark”
• Dido, “Here With Me”
• James Taylor, “Fire and Rain”
• Josh Groban, “February Song”
• Keane, “We Might as well Be Strangers”
• Moby, “Natural Blues”
• R.E.M., “Everybody Hurts”
• Simon and Garfunkel, “Bridge Over Trouble Waters”
• Travis, “Walking Down the Hill”
• U2, “Sometimes You Can’t Make it On Your Own”
• Vertical Horizon, “Best I Ever Had”
• Jewel, “Foolish Games”

I can hardly think of a more obvious song to pick than “Clocks,” but more than being one of the most perfect songs I’ve ever heard, it is also the song that helped me through the most miserable time of my life. It was my freshman year of college, and I was lost and lonely and I didn’t know what to do. I was working too many hours at Bed, Bath, and Beyond, because I was completely freaked out about the thought of putting myself in debt. I was dieting, trying to change myself into someone else. I was pushing my best friend away, because how dare she try to change and grow. In my retail hell, they played the same CD of music over and over. This CD included “Clocks,” and every time it came on, I would walk through the stacks of towels, and repeat to myself, “home, where I wanted to go,” because there was nothing more in the world I wanted than to just go home.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HDFmuOtKrBc

That’s a line from the Semisonic song “Surprise.”  I can’t just say the words without singing them the way Dan Wilson does in the song.

Weird to think you’re always making decisions, even when you think you’re standing still. Doing nothing, well, that’s actually doing something. Inaction is as much an action as anything else.

When a friend needs you, and you don’t respond, you’re showing the kind of friend you are.

When the person you love is standing right in front of you, but you can’t say how you feel, don’t think you’re not sending a very big message.

If you’re a writer who doesn’t write, a reader who doesn’t read, a runner who doesn’t run, you’re determining your own fate.

Your dreams aren’t going to stand around waiting to be realized.

There is no safety net. No one guaranteeing that things will work out in the end.

The world will push you around, shape your life, but don’t think you don’t have a say.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WrOICC8dTs0

“Lately” is one of my favorite songs ever in life. It helped me through my senior year of college. And, when I pulled out of my parents’ driveway, my Civic loaded down with everything I owned, and took off to California for grad school, this was the song I was listening to.

Holy crap. Last night I went to LA (specifically, UCLA) for the Breaking Dawn Concert Series. Breaking Dawn is the final book in the Twilight saga, and this concert series took the place of a traditional book tour. It had all the normal book tour questions and stories, but it was also a concert featuring Justin Furstenfeld of Blue October. I love Twilight and Blue October, so I was bound to have a blast. The amazing part is that we had the best seats in the entire theater. Seriously, front row center. I could not only see facial expressions, I could see the eyeliner on Justin Furstenfeld’s eyes!! Considering how crazy dedicated Twilight fans are, I still don’t know how I scored such amazing seats. For once in life, Ticketmaster comes through. Justin was amazing live, and Stephenie Meyer is so nice and funny. Even with 1,800 books to sign, she still took the time to ask me how I was doing. We’re practically best friends now.

Stephenie is so nice that she almost made me feel bad for being incredibly disappointed in Breaking Dawn. The thing about the Twilight series is that it’s so fun to read. The plots are okay, but it’s all about the characters. I won’t go through my reasons for disliking Breaking Dawn, except to say that it was not fun to read and the characters didn’t seem like the same people from the other books. Oh, Edward.

On to the normal Friday rundown:

• I’m going home today! Yay! I plan to keep up regular posting while I’m in Washington if possible.

• This has been a crazy summer of favorite things for me. The last of the favorite things is the Olympics. I cannot wait. My favorite summer events are gymnastics and swimming, though I’m a little less excited for swimming this year since my favorite Australian swimmer, Ian Thorpe, retired. (Where do I claim my award for using the word “favorite” the most times in one paragraph?) There’s a lot of drama surrounding these Olympics and China, but the magic of the Olympics is still there.

• Just before I started this blog, I interviewed for a job at a financial firm. The interview went really well, but I never heard back, and like a total idiot, I never followed up. After two months, I no longer expected to hear from them, but this week I did receive a call. They wanted to know if I’d found a job yet. When I said that I’d accepted another offer, the woman who interviewed me apologized that things didn’t “solidify” on their end earlier, so that they could get their offer in first. I didn’t expect to get closure on this, but it’s nice to know that I didn’t totally misread what happened in the interview.

• So, after hearing nothing for months, I ended up with two offers and another potential job all at once. The job I was so excited about last week stands as the best offer, and I’ve officially accepted it. I start the day after I get back from vacation.

• Revising is not going fast, but it is going well. I’ve been rereading the novel from the beginning, and taking notes on everything I need to change. What’s missing the most from my first draft is description. It’s hard to describe what people look like without sounding cheesy, so for that reason, I haven’t done it at all. I also need to add description to the dialogue; too often even causal conversations seem rapid fire, because there’s no description to slow them down.

• I really need to finish packing. Have a great weekend!

I’ve been listening to this album on repeat for weeks. I don’t know what to say about it except it’s awesome and works for me whether I’m writing, doing the dishes, or running on the treadmill. I’m looking forward to seeing the lead singer of Blue October, Justin Furstenfeld, at an event in August. Here’s a taste of the band in action with one of my favorite songs, “Into the Ocean.”

When I first saw a commercial for Mama Mia a few weeks ago, I said, “I want to see that!” A friend quickly talked some sense into me, reminding me that I don’t like musicals. It’s the truth. I’ve tried over and over again, but I just don’t like them. Maybe if they were a little less cheesy and the songs were a little shorter . . . . But, I took a chance (ha!) and saw Mama Mia anyway. Yeah, I’ll probably never watch it again, but it was a lot of fun. Most importantly, Mama Mia got me thinking. I like Abba well enough, but would I really like musicals if they were full of the kind of depressing-sounding, introspective music I like? The answer? Yes! I came across Once, a modern-day musical.

It’s an Irish film that was shot for less than $200,000, and features the music of Glen Hansard and Markéta Irglová. Maybe you’ve heard “Falling Slowly.” Okay, so I’m not alone in thinking it’s awesome. It kinda sorta won an Oscar and Grammy. The video below features “Falling Slowly” and some clips from the movie.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CoSL_qayMCc

Last night I saw Coldplay live for the first time in almost three years. It hadn’t occurred to me that it had been just as long for them until the guys came back for an encore and Chris said, “Thanks for giving us our first encore in three years!”

I was surprised by the L.A. crowd. I’ve seen concerts all around Washington, several in Portland, and a few in Vancouver, B.C. The crowds are always enthusiastic, but occasionally you’ll get a Seattle crowd that’s just too cool for school. They don’t sing, they don’t cheer, they just stand there. I was expecting worse from L.A. But, I was so wrong. People were very happy and so excited. Before the concert had even started, I participated in the most successful wave I’ve ever seen; it went around the arena at least five times. Chris told us we were fucking brilliant, and then went on to say that he has to tell every crowd that at the end of the concert, even when they’re shit, but he was telling us in the middle of the concert because it was true.

All the goods were there. Chris was dancing around like a crazy person; I think he’s the best worst dancer I’ve ever seen. The most surprising moment was when they left the stage and ran up the stairs to the “cheap” seats. From there, they performed “Yellow,” and then–shock of all shocks!–Will took lead vocals on a song. Chris joked that Will’s going to pull a Phil Collins and go solo. Maybe.

After a three year break, it was not the most technically stunning concert. That’s a change from every time I’ve seen Coldplay live before. But, to be honest, when it’s your favorite band and all the songs you love are still there, it doesn’t really matter. My favorite thing about Coldplay concerts is the constant–and, I mean constant–hum of the crowd singing every lyric in unison.

What can I say? Coldplay speaks so directly to my little twenty-something introspective soul.

• It’s Monday, and I promised (myself) to update on the weight loss. This was not the stellar week I was hoping to make it, but I did go to the gym 4 days and had excellent workouts each time. I improved my eating a lot, but I still struggled to keep my calories low. I’ve got a couple things going on at the start of this week, but by Wednesday, I’ll be back to 100%. Whenever I’m doing poorly, I always have this urge to make up some new, elaborate plan, but I know what works and I don’t want to distract myself from doing the hard work by making new plans. I’m not sure if that makes sense outside of my head. What I mean is that I waste time coming up with some grand new plan instead of following the plan I know works. The new plan just makes me feel better about things for a moment; it makes me feel in control. But, bottom line, I want results and I know how to get them. Progress happens not when you create a plan, but when you stick to a plan.

• So, the things I have going on? Coldplay concerts! Yes, two of them. I don’t go to concerts much anymore. Actually, I think it’s been a couple years. Mostly it comes down to money. But, even if I was living in a box on the street (or a van down by the river), I would pay to see Coldplay. I’ll report back on the awesomeness!

• I’ve tried to keep my Twilight fangirling to a minimum here, but it’s getting harder, especially now that my friend Lisa has read the books and fallen in love with Edward too. A new book in August and the movie in December. In the meantime, we’re fighting the urge to stalk Robert Pattinson around L.A.

• Around the middle of last week, I looked at my Google homepage, and where there is usually a forecast that shows 4 bright yellow suns in a row with varying temps of 80-100 degrees, there was a cloud with rain pouring down. I can’t tell you what this did to my heart. I love rain, and, well, absence makes the heart grow fonder (in this case, at least). I just love the moodiness of rain. Plus, it reminds me of home. After waiting all week, I got about an hour of downpour. It was a disappointment, but enough to get me by for now. I’ll hope for rain when I go home to Washington in August (but, don’t tell my dad).

• Speaking of which, I need to book my ticket for my August trip home. My mom and dad ask me about it every two seconds. I’m excited to go!

• The novel is ending, and I’m still along for the ride. I’m such a binge writer. I’ll write nothing for a couple days, and then pound out 5,000 words at once. It’s going to be a bit longer than I originally thought, but that’s a good thing. I’m still well within the range of the average novel. I’d like to write more about writing here.

I’m off to look for a way to be productive before it’s time to head off to Inglewood for the concert!

I almost don’t know what to say about David Gray. He’s been such a big part of the last 3.5 years of my life. I started listening to him in January 2005. I remember the date so clearly, because that’s the exact time I started studying theology. Both struck me like lightening out of a clear sky. In the time since I started listening to David Gray, the direction of my life has completely shifted. Or, more accurately, I found direction in my life that I didn’t have before. Maybe I would be here even if I’d never heard his voice, but it’s hard to imagine I’d be the same person. You know that feeling when you come across someone who speaks so directly to you that it’s hard to remember you don’t really know them, and they don’t know you? That’s how I feel about David Gray. In some strange way, he’s helped to muster in me the courage to seek out what I want in life, though it means making myself vulnerable.

As a final note, see him live if you ever get a chance. I promise the head bobbing alone is worth it.