I can’t avoid David Gray or my journal very long before it becomes obvious that I am avoiding myself. Something about the combination of them always brings me back down to Earth where things are real and I have to deal with them. I can’t even fool myself anymore. I knew what I was doing and every night I would pick up my journal and write something like, “I know. I’m sorry. Tomorrow, I will write!” And it only took me a couple weeks of tomorrows before I was telling the truth.
At the library every day, even after four years, I scout out new places to study and write, thinking, “I’ll come back later on my own time.” I don’t do it often enough, but Saturday I did. I started on the patio outside, and over a series of hours, I moved around to various locations, writing for a while and then moving on. New places and familiar places. One place where exactly a year ago I sat and wrote, “I don’t know what this means,” and this year I wrote, “I know exactly what this means.”
I made up for lost time, listening to David Gray in chronological order (starting from 1993) and writing until my hand hurt. Then I took a break and wrote some more. I got some satisfaction out of writing until I hit a physical limit. The way my hand cramped up was a reminder that I was doing exactly what I should be doing.
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
that sounds amazing. thanks for sharing :)
Also, love the picture!!
Beste Ashley,
stepping outside of your comfort zone is not an easy undertaking especially when your confronting yourself. If the photo is anything to go by then the surroundings were comforting also.
I know David Gray has many good songs so you must have had a long time to make sense of your thoughts and translate them into words. Keep smiling, it suits you.
Groetjes
I LOVE journaling. I always have to push past the hand cramping and just deal with it because I prefer writing by hand when keeping a journal. You know, as opposed to by foot. No, but seriously, I have almost four complete journals. They do a lot to release tension in my life. With that being said, they probably also make me sound very depressing, which is why I’ve thought about using my journals as more of a record-keeping device rather than just a place to vent when things turn to crap.