Do you ever feel like you could talk for days and still not say everything on your mind, all while knowing that if anyone took you seriously enough to sit you down and say, “okay, spill,” you’d have to backtrack and say, “oh, well, I don’t really know where to start” and then they would say, “start anywhere; start from the beginning,” and then you would go silent and they would just stare at you?
Fall is approaching like a tidal wave, there is so much to do, and by the time my next day off comes around, I will have worked 11 days straight. But, really, it’s none of that.
It’s, well, that’s the problem. I don’t know how to explain what I feel. It’s always something and it always feels new. I’m not anxious really. More restless. And I’m so unconfused about most everything that the few things floating right outside my grasp are taking up 95% of my thoughts.
People confuse me, which is not my passive aggressive way of saying I hate people or what is this world coming to? I read this description once of INFJs that we like our external world to be very orderly, I think as a way of dealing with the dynamic and inconsistent way we feel inside. My external world is full of these things I can place into categories and order and reorder however I see fit, but people, who I let in more and more all the time, don’t follow that order. They throw me into chaos, which is exciting, but exhausting. I like people in my life who I can depend on. People who always let me know where I stand. And since I’m quite selfish and tend not to bother with people I don’t like, that leaves a small group of people who I care about, but who unsettle me, no matter how much I try to figure out exactly how they fit into my life and shove them into those boxes.
I also have a lot of what am I going to do with my life thoughts plaguing me. Or maybe not so much the what right now, but the how. I used to think things like, I just want to be happy, but then I became happy and found out there’s a lot of life left to figure out. Sometimes it’s as silly as thinking that I want to have the kind of life where I see every good new movie that comes out. I think these thoughts are my way of dealing with my current schedule, which is so rigid and stuffed full that it doesn’t allow for many decisions.
I can see I make the mistake of trying to force things to be settled and at peace when they can’t and don’t need to be, but I guess that’s how I deal with things. And maybe now that so many of the pieces are fitting together, I’m in a hurry to have the whole puzzle complete.
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Yeah, but IS the whole puzzle ever complete? I always feel like I’m missing quite a few pieces :)
“I can see I make the mistake of trying to force things to be settled and at peace when they can’t and don’t need to be, but I guess that’s how I deal with things. And maybe now that so many of the pieces are fitting together, I’m in a hurry to have the whole puzzle complete.”
Totally an INFJ thing to say :) I sometimes feel the same way – I think naturally we have a tendency to want to have everything in order, and have some sort of control, and it just throws us into a tailspin when we can’t have that control – I’ve found more often than not that this puzzle, as frustrating as it can be at times, is a test of patience and learning to just go with the flow :)
So…. this explains a lot about why I like you so much. I’m an INFJ. We’re 1% of the population. I think we will eventually come to enjoy the chaos and uncertainty of life. It is tricky though. I want balance and order and routine so much that when I don’t get it, I am more anxious. Sigh. I don’t know if the pizza is ever whole (like Herding Cats said)… and the pizza for me may not be the pizza for you or someone else. The best part for me is seeing how I create (and destroy) the pizza along the way. Sometimes I take off the hot peppers and sometimes I put them back on. Sometimes I want mushrooms, sometimes I don’t. I at least know I’ll never want sausage on my pizza. Hehe.
INFJs ftw!
In other words: I feel ya. On pretty much every point.
A lot of that just described the way I’M feeling right now. I hope we both get it all worked out in our heads. :)
I too would love a life where I can see every good movie that’s released. Read every good book that’s written. Go on an awesome holiday every year.
Funny how INFJs make up such a small percentage, but we seem to be a fair proportion of the blogosphere.
I read the best line in the Summer Garden this month (the third book in the Bronze Horseman series) – “I work so you can live an ice cream life.”
Ice cream life! Isn’t that such a great way of putting it?
so i just had to say that i totally relate. I’m an INTJ and i also crave order. i love how you said: “They throw me into chaos, which is exciting, but exhausting.”
Sometimes I think I’ll always feel restless no matter what my life looks like. There’s always something around the corner to see/do/want to accomplish, and I think that’s supposed to be part of the fun? :) I hope your first day of class is going well!
I’m glad to know you’re human because I really don’t know how some other bloggers can multi-task and do EVERYTHING and still manage to blog 4 times a week or so. I hope the first week back to school was great!