If instincts are intended to protect you from harm, then I have good instincts. There are a lot of people who struggle to say No, but I’m really good at it. It comes out of my mouth before I can even think something over.
But, in protecting myself from harm, I too often protect myself from fun and excitement and the things I want. I don’t like conflict or drama or looking stupid or asking too much of people, so I don’t put myself out there.
I know all of this, so I try harder to stick my neck out. With encouragement, I’ll wander further away from home. But, at the slightest rejection or disappointment, I retreat.
After retreating, I realize that whatever I was scared of really isn’t that big of a deal. I see that I overreacted. I see that I almost lost out or did lose out, because I ran when I should have stood my ground.
All of this results in a lot of confusion. I try to fight my instincts when I see them doing me more harm than good, but I can’t always tell the difference between putting myself out there and subjecting myself to unnecessary pain and embarrassment.
I think things over and over until they only become more confusing to me. I go back and forth trying to decide whether to risk more or retreat. One extreme or the other, because I don’t want to do nothing. It’s hard to decide whether to do one thing or the complete opposite of that thing. Strange to think any question worth asking could be answered legitimately in two such opposed ways.
I make so much of the decision and in the end it makes no difference, because it’s hard to move on from things you want and I don’t trust my instincts anymore.
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Let me know if you want me to send you something that’s really helpful when you’re faced with two very different paths. It’s something I learned in counselling training for people who want to make a change, but it can be applied to any situation with two routes – it’s like a questionnaire type thing and you end up with numerical figures for each option, and it can really help seeing values on paper when deciding what to do. Email me if you’d like me to send it your way :)
I over-think EVERYTHING…and end up feeling the same…I dont trust my instincts so then I doubt my decisons…I understand this more than you could ever know…
I feel like I could have written this. I often go running home when I “fall down” so to speak and it takes a while before I’m ready to get back out in the world. Trusting your instincts is hard, especially when there are emotions and feelings getting in the way. I often wonder why I’m protecting myself so much.
I know the struggle. Sometimes it’s really hard to decide what’s the right thing to do… and your instincts might not be of any help either.
It’s hard to live up to other people’s expectations – or what you think their expectations are – and still do what is right for yourself.
I know what you mean. I am the same way but I don’t have any extreme examples — more like that it takes a lot of internal debate and convincing for me to veer from my “default settings.” I have actually been trying to challenge myself this way lately, though!
I put myself out there in hopes that I stop being an introvert. Though most people see me as an extrovert, if you really get to know me, then you can see I’m more of an introvert now than when I was before.
I love to take risks. I love adventure and knowing that if things go wrong, I wonder if I can survive. But I’m still afraid and always retreating. Bloggers/YouTubers, heck the Internet scares me. Am I normal? Do people like me? I hope I’m not annoying. I need affirmation because it never existed when I grew up. Those questions causes me to retreat, but the thought of a challenge makes me take risks.
Two extremes and I’m in the middle.
I think you have great instincts, you just have to retrain yourself a little to take a few more risks, knowing that the world won’t come crashing down if you mess up or make a fool of yourself.
Hmmmm…..I’m so wondering what these two paths may be. You’ll make a good choice either way Ashley. Because either way, you’ll learn something valuable about yourself :)
I think you’re an intelligent woman, and I know you can make the decision between the two. I have problems between deciding to retreat or put myself out there as well. (I often choose to retreat, unfortunately.)
I’m terrible about “getting back on the horse.”
If something scares me, if I fail, or I’m uncertain I totally retreat, go back into safe mode and don’t think twice about it.
I’m slowly starting to change that, but it’s hard!
I used to be this way, used to rather take the safe route than risk anything and then suddenl last year happened.
I’m still shell shocked by it all but it’s been wonderful. It’s hard to take the risk that’s for sure, especially when it’s against everything your instincts are telling you. But it’s worth it. :)
Go with your gut. It usually won’t fail you.
i feel the same – it’s sometimes worth trying to work out why something makes me feel anxious, and do it anyway. you know. like that saying? “you regret more the things you didn’t do than the things you did”. that one. it helps.