I don’t really want an escape from my life. I like what I do and after a few minutes away, I’m always bored and itching to get back to it.
It’s just that I often feel pulled in so many directions. Expectations of my jobs, dreams of my own, and the running that’s required to keep up with everything I already have going.
I was walking through the botanical gardens last weekend, thinking about peace and meditation. I am more at peace than I’ve been in a long time. I’m no longer hiding from scary thoughts and my responsibilities, but I still have a hard time sitting in silence. I find it boring and uncomfortable.
If it was just that, then I could say, as I have been, that I don’t need that quiet time. But the way I run from it suggests otherwise.
It’s confusing the way you always want more even when you’re already happy and sometimes the very things that make you happy are also the things that drive you crazy.
I like that I always strive for more, but sometimes when David Gray sings, “Make Me A Boat/ Away I’ll Float,” I think that sounds good too.
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I always love the wisdom in your posts. “I’m no longer hiding from scary thoughts and my responsibilities, but I still have a hard time sitting in silence. I find it boring and uncomfortable.” Sounds like the story of my life! I’m really trying to learn to be comfortable by myself – I feel like I should be around people but sometimes people drive me crazy, yet when I’m alone I feel bored and uncomfortable too. I’m working on it :)
I’m very much like that too – I find I just need a good balance between being around noise and confusion and peace and isolation.
What’s that phrase, about a “deafening silence?” I think that’s what happens when there’s not enough… whatever, things just stop and that overcomes us. I definitely had to realize that I would contradict myself sometimes (in that I might want to be alone, but then want to be around people, things like that) to get to some kind of happy stasis. We’re humans, so contradiction will often be a very essential part of the experience.
I agree that time-outs are a great thing sometimes. But then I get the itch to get back to business… or socializing. You know what I mean :-)
Sometimes I crave silence. Feel that absolute urge to just disconnect from everything. At other times, the silence kills me. Even the non-silence does – like watching TV yet playing on my cell phone at the same time, as if I can’t tear myself away from the world around me. I guess a bit of each is probably good for us though.
I feel the same way about wanting more when I’m already happy! But it’s nice to be able to dream and be hopeful of those things someday.
“It’s confusing the way you always want more even when you’re already happy and sometimes the very things that make you happy are also the thins that drive you crazy.”
So true! We want something, we get it, and then we’re not as happy as we thought we’d be, so we want something else. It’s an endless cycle.
I’m definitely trying to find the beauty in the quiet, “boring” moments. And I’m also trying to be happy with the simple things.
I think David Gray could sing anything to me and I’d want to listen/take his advice :) With that being said, there is something to the feeling at peace thing. I go through phases in my life where I feel at peace. Lately it’s been a bit chaotic in my life, but I’m working on it/through it.
Love how in tune you are with yourself. Seriously amazing.