I survived my first year as a PhD student! Finishing the semester required writing 55 double-spaced, 12 pt. Times New Roman, 1-inch margin pages in the last week, 45 of which I wrote in the last 4 days. The final stretch was actually painful. I feel like I lost a piece of myself in that last paper, because it took everything I had to finish it on 3 hours of sleep. But, I did it.
I don’t know if Lisa realizes that she’s said to me at least three times in the last week, “I can’t believe you’re already finishing your first year of PhD School.” (That is what we call it: PhD School.) I can’t believe she’s graduating from law school. I swear it was just yesterday that we were on Road Trip 2007, driving all of her stuff down here from Washington. And a day before that we were starting college. And that afternoon we were in high school. And earlier that morning she was just the weird girl sitting next to me in 6th grade band.
It’s not just that time moves quickly. I think we’re both a little surprised to be where we are. We do talk about how disappointed our high school selves would be in us for not being married, for wearing clothes that don’t match, and especially for drinking regularly. It’s strange to think that I’m not where I thought I would be, but I could never really picture that life anyway. I couldn’t picture this one either. I didn’t imagine finding so many things I care so much about or that I would be successful in pursuing them. I never would have guessed I was this capable.
It’s been a dynamic school year. It probably appears from the outside that nothing has changed. It might even seem that way here on my blog. But, I feel very different. I feel much more in control of my life and up to the challenge of whatever comes next. Even just eight or nine months ago my life was so full of dread and avoidance. I was happy, but only because I was ignoring all of my problems. It takes a lot of energy to suppress all of your fear and anxiety that way. As the stress of this week started to affect me physically, I was reminded that I used to feel that way almost every day.
I’m much more excited about my life now. I can finally see into my future. It’s more than a question mark. It’s the culmination of all the things I’m working on now.
The reality of being done with the semester and entering into three months that include free time has not yet hit me. It feels weird just to be sitting here (at work) writing this instead of writing a paper. I think I’ll adjust.
{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }
That’s so awesome, I’m excited for you! :)
I think you’ll adjust just fine =)
Congratulations on seeing the other side of school and on feeling the difference you’ve made- in your life and yourself.
WOOHOO! Congrats on being done with your first year of PhD school! That is monumental. As someone who has read for blog for over a year now, you do seem different, in a very good way and this blog reflects that. You’ve risen to the occasion time and time again, you’re working hard to get where you want to be, and you’re kicking ass doing it. Now, go catch up on some sleep!
I know what you mean. I finished my last test on Tuesday, and yesterday, I was bored for the first time since last summer.
Congrats on finishing your first year as a PhD student!
Congratulations, Ashley! I can’t imagine how good you must feel right now. Enjoy it. You’ve definitely earned it!
A BIG Congratulations Ashley! That is amazing, an I truly, truly hope you do something fun to celebrate because you DESERVE it!
Wow that is a lot of writing, congrats! And congrats for feeling so good about where you are right now!
Congrats! You’ve worked hard this year. Enjoy your summer. =) Take advantage of everything you can.
Well done Ashley. That sounds like a crazy amount of work, but it will be worth it in the end. Hope you have a fun summer.
I can’t believe you’re done with your first year of PhD school! (make that 4 times this week) We’re seriously old adults now. I want to go back in time and slap High School Lisa for being so ridiculous. I still think she would be mad at me for not being married by now though.
Haha, my high school self totally didn’t see the drinking coming either. It’s weird to think of what I imagined my life to be… a lot of it is quite close to the dreams, but there are other little things that are different. I think they’re better, but former me wouldn’t… who knows which is right.
And congratulations on finishing your first year!!!
Oh, congratulations! I’m so happy for you and that the person you’ve become throughout this year. I definitely think I can tell the difference between your blog posts.
How exciting! Your break is so well-deserved–make the most of it!
Congratulations!
I’m so happy for you. :)
Congratulations! I can’t imagine writing a paper that long in 4 days…you must be a super woman!
It’ll all be worth it in the end! Congratulations!!! :) I don’t remember how I wrote long papers but I for sure remember how painful it was especially when pulling an all-nighter.
Congrats! A major accomplishment and the best is yet to be.
45 pages in 4 days?
yup. it’s official. you’re AMAZING.
Congrats!
I finished year two last week. I didn’t have as much writing at the very end this semester, but had comprehensive in class finals which were all kinds of annoying.
I remember finishing that first year. It was one of the most incredible feelings. Exhaustion on every level… but also elation.
It is amazing how HARD this is, but doesn’t it feel so incredible to know you are capable of something this difficult? I often think, if I can handle THIS with grace, I can handle anything. And I know you can, too.
You rock! <3 I hope you take a little time off to really be still, take deep breaths and say "I'm freaking awesome" over and over. :)
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