Finals. Ahhh! Summer. Ahhh!

I know that last week it appeared that my blog had taken on an academic theme, but I swear it was all by accident.  It’s a part of my life I feel like I haven’t adequately represented here.  Maybe because I haven’t done enough reflecting on it myself in the two years since I found some direction in what felt like an ocean of doubt and insecurity.

This post is just to say that I am in the middle of finals, which for me means I am in the middle of writing three research papers.  The research paper is where great expectations run smack into a cold reality.  First, you’re always writing at least three at once.  Second, there really is no time to write them, because you have classes to attend and other expectations to meet.  Third, you never seem to have more than 15 pages of solid content, but somehow you have to meet the 20 page requirement.  Fourth, by this point in the semester you’re too tired to care as much as you should. There’s only one thing standing between you and a break and that’s an unfinished paper.  Fifth and largely unique to me, you’re still working an unreasonable number of hours and work is busier and more stressful, because everyone there is also in the middle of finals.

I can’t remember feeling less, I don’t know, bothered by finals than I do this semester.  All my talk about counting on success and enjoying the work I’m doing seems to have made a difference.  When it comes down to it, finals are still stressful and I’ll probably do an air kick when I turn in the last paper, but whether or not I can do it is no longer the question. After four years, I think it’s pretty obvious that I can do it.

And then there’s Summer.  I feel like I should be saying, “Summer.  Ahh.” Like I’ve just taken a seat in a really comfortable recliner or I’m looking at a picture of a cute puppy.  There’s that, but also “Summer. Ahhh!!!” which has more to do with me sucking at Summer, so that it never lives up to my high expectations.

Whatever shape my Summer takes, I can say that I’m looking forward to a (kind of) normal person schedule that includes some evenings free and weekends too.  I can finally watch TV shows when they actually air, right in time for them to all go into reruns.   My parents are coming to visit later this month.  VidCon is in July!  And there is fiction to be written!

I turn in my last paper on Thursday. Look for me then.

Edited to add: Okay, so I wrote this post more than a week ago, because that’s usually the way I blog and I knew I’d have no time this week.  Not really where I should be in my paper writing, but I’m getting there.  One down, more than half way done with the second, and I should be starting the third tonight.  Think I’m going to make it through sane and still loving school.

What I really wanted to tell you, though, was that after spending the day listening to Coldplay and thinking of all the things I’d rather be doing than writing papers inside while it’s gorgeous outside, I said last night on twitter that I was going to do more than just work this Summer.  I’m going to do Summer things!  At the urging of Mandy, who last Summer made famous her Summer of Me, I declared this Summer the Summer of Ashley.  Will be figuring out what that means once I finish these papers.  You knew I needed another project. Or, maybe this is an anti-project. Sounds fun either way.