The Effect of Blogging On a Life

Lately I’ve been thinking about what it is I love so much about blogging.  People get into it for all different reason and I don’t begrudge anyone their motivation.  I think it’s silly to pretend anyone does anything for only one reason, especially one admirable reason.  I love to write, yeah, but I also love the attention of having people read what I write.  Blogging is so much like everything else where it’s just too much damn work to keep up if you don’t really love it.  The blogosphere is a self-selecting group already, but then the people who don’t really want to be here are quickly weeded out. No wonder what’s left is so full of awesome.

What has kept me engaged for nearly two years now?  The people is the easy answer and possibly the most accurate, but I think I’ve covered that thoroughly.  There are other reasons and they all conspire to keep me up too late writing and distracted from the things that should probably fall higher on my priority list.

I am one of those people who will say that I hate to be the center of attention.  That’s mostly true except when it’s completely false.  There’s obviously this big part of me that wants to be known.  Sometimes I feel like an exhibitionist, not just daring myself to see how honest I can be, but feeling unable to stop myself.  I’ve also always said that I would hate to ever be famous.  I couldn’t ever stand to talk about myself that much and I would just prefer to live my quiet little life.  Except, please, I love to talk about myself.  And when you open up, it turns out you get a lot back.  Blogging gives me a safe place to expose myself one piece at a time, an opportunity to test the waters and and then cannon ball in.

People accuse bloggers of being self-important, because to write about your life seems to suggest it’s worth writing about and, they’ll say, “No one cares!“  The people who say things like that are usually the kind of people who are too busy criticizing others to ever manage to do anything for themselves.  I know a lot of these people, and they place a higher value on being cool (cool is not quite the right word) than doing anything that might be worth criticizing.  It does take a certain level of self-importance to blog, but it takes a certain level of self-importance to do anything but lay down and die.  And, even then, how dare you call all that attention to yourself dying in such a dramatic fashion, making people buy black clothes and attend your funeral.  I hope that living in a giant universe that is so many kajillion years old gives us enough perspective not to hurt other people or disregard their interests, but blogging gives me a place to take myself seriously, so that I can live more thoughtfully.

Blogging has also given me a place to take my interests seriously.  Writing has been my thing for a long time and the people who know me best know how much I love to write, but I never defined myself so clearly as a writer until I started blogging.  Now, it’s built right into the title of my blog and it finds its way into every About Me.  Blogging has made me think differently about writing.  It’s made it seem easier–less daunting–and like something I want to be serious about.  Not just as that hobby on the side.  Not a novel I spend my whole life writing and never finish.  But, something I do every day.  Novels I finish and maybe publish.  Possibly a career.  Maybe even art.  Definitely a way of life.

Blogging has the dual effect of giving me a place to talk about what makes me distinct and allowing people to respond in a way that makes me feel less alone.  I felt this most strongly when I first blogged about anxiety and later when I blogged about my debt.  I like to pretend I’m never surprised by anything, but I was surprised at how good it felt to hear from other people that they understood and they had stories of their own.

Perhaps the most liberating thing about blogging is that my blog can be anything I want it to be.   One of the reasons I started blogging in the first place was that I wanted a place to write informally.  And while, honestly, the longer you blog and the more people start reading, the less free you feel, even that pressure has pushed me to places I never would have guessed I’d find so comfortable.

The effect blogging can have on a life is profound.