I knew when I started that I have too many plates spinning right now to give Project Cheerfulness my full attention, but I was surprised to find myself thinking of it often throughout my busy week. I would see myself sliding backwards and try to take a positive step, however small, forward. Last week was a really good week and I was happy throughout, but my major project finding was that being cheerful is hard.
I guess I’d underestimated the challenge ahead, because I thought, “I’m not going from 0 to 100 here–from miserable to overjoyed. I’m going from pretty happy to obviously happy–that’s only a move from 70 to 100.” What the experts don’t tell you is that that’s a difficult jump to make. I would actually picture myself trying to make it to the next step, but that seemed to require equipment I don’t own. Like a pickax.
Even with my disclaimer that Project Cheerfulness is not about pretending to be happy or faking cheerfulness, I can see why some people did get that idea. So, I kept asking myself what I was doing and if it really was genuine. I mean, fake it ’til you make it is a big part of my plan of attack. I kept coming back to the conclusion that this is not just something I really want to do, but I think it’s something I can do. Being cheerful is hard, but changing my attitude in this way seems like a goal within reach.
I found myself excited about this project even though it wasn’t so easy to find my cheerful switch, my mind changed a tiny bit every time I checked my behavior. I have this strange and more recent (like, the last few years) habit of getting into negative self-talk. It’s such ridiculous stuff that it would sound like gibberish if I repeated it. Really, you might think I’m crazy. When I found myself doing this, I started to laugh at myself and point out that the things I was thinking didn’t make sense–they don’t match with reality. And they are not helpful at all. I would start to think something and then stop myself before the thought could even finish.
To be honest, I didn’t take this project on because I want to be a better person. It had almost nothing to do with other people. This is about changing my mind and my reaction to things, because I hate the way negativity drags me down. That is still the point of the project for me, but I realized this week how important my interactions with other people are to transforming my mind. When I was failing most at being cheerful this week, it was with other people. Now, friends and family, that’s no problem usually. But, people I encounter at work are something else.
Sometimes I just have no patience for library patrons and I protect my sanity by turning into a robot who doesn’t look people directly in the eyes and doesn’t respond much to them except when they ask library questions and does her job and that’s it. I will at least announce the due date of the books cheerfully and then smile half-heartedly, because I hate feeling like a bitch and I like my job and want to keep it. Some people, though, and they are always guys, seem to be on a mission to save me from my grumpiness. They ask me how I’m doing and try to start a conversation even though I couldn’t be harder to get through to and say thank you at least 10 too many times. These people are cheerful! And they annoy the crap out of me. I never want to give in, because I’m a petty person who doesn’t want to give anyone the satisfaction of having changed my mood. As a grump, I don’t want to be in the pressence of a cheerful person trying to cheer me up, because I know how ridiculous I’m being and I don’t want to face that.
A week’s experience has not left me with a bullet point list of ways to be more cheerful. I suspect a month’s won’t either. What I’m finding,though, is that one way to fake it ’til you make it is to do something physical. The effect on the mind follows almost immediately. I take deep breaths and feel calm. I smile and break myself out of auto-pilot mode. I stop and talk to a friend and start feeling like an engaged human instead of a crazy girl running from place to place. I look around while I’m walking to class or work and take in the scenery. I laugh at myself and remember that not everything–not even most things–is life or death. I do a little dance (it’s more like a wiggle) and my mood is raised a little.
So, maybe I’m at a 74 now. It’s no 100, but it’s still a 4% difference and that’s progress, especially in a week so crammed full it doesn’t leave time for things like glasses of wine and baths and nature walks and pleasure reading. I’m going to keep going, so watch out for the girl with the crazy smile. More updates and stats (for Nico) to follow.
{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
I love this project! I find in my own life that making the decision to be happy is a huge step.
Being cheerful IS hard…especially when you are so busy and working so hard. Hang in there!
I am kinda doing the same thing as my New Years Resolution. Last year I flicked off on people who didnt deserve it and I am trying to calm down more…But fakin it is so much easier lol
I’ve been trying really hard to have a more positive outlook recently, mainly in the approach to my job, and I feel like it’s been working. A bit. I still have the bad days though. Like today! (On the positive side, my day is over in 15 mins and I can go to the pub! See? Positive outlook, even when I’m feeling negative!)
This is a really interesting project. I’m a big fan of fake it til you make it too, so I can imagine this experiment would be difficult for me as well. Seems like you’re well on your way though!
Yay for four percent! Keep going, Ashley. :-)
As I mentioned before, I’m a big fan of Project Cheerfulness. Last week I just tried to smile at strangers more and it brightened my outlook a bit. Baby steps . . .
“I’m a petty person who doesn’t want to give anyone the satisfaction of having changed my mood”
Wow. So often me. It’s ridiculous, really. I’m working on it, but probably not hard enough. It’s like the idea of being able to control my own mood is so attractive that I insist I’m the only one who holds the key much more often than I should.
It is so hard. You know what I’ve found makes it harder too – being around fake nice people. That makes me cynical. I do love this project, it has armed me with the strength to look passed that.
If you blogged about this project before, I definitely missed it, but what an awesome thing to aim for. And 4% is a big push in the right direction.
My problem is I’m typically overly cheerful. Is there a project for people like me so we can be a little less happy all the time? Ha.
It’s often hard at the start of a decision like this, but keep it up!
People trying to cheer you up in the way you describe rarely helps, but they’ll carry on because they’re probably having a good day and want you to too. In these situations the best is to fake it and let them think you’re happy, but only if they are people you don’t know, pretending to friends is never good.
Awesome, at least progress is progress.
Cool too that you remembered I had requested statistics! You will make an awesome case study via PowerPoint. :)
I love the next to last paragraph. Its the small things that make life happy and cheerful. Embrace those.
I love this project! It’s such a wonderful idea. I’m thinking I’m going to crunch on you and try it myself. Thanks Ashley. :)
Just so that I’m reading this correctly:
Currently, Project Cheerfulness is trending at an average of +1.42%/mo.
Hey, progress is progress!