One of my favorite lines from You’ve Got Mail is when Meg Ryan’s character says, “I live a small life.” I was looking up that line to make sure I had it right when I discovered that I really should have remembered the rest of it.
“I live a small life. Well, valuable but small. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it or because I haven’t been brave?”
I took this Shakespeare class as a junior in college that left me with so many thoughts I’ve carried since, many of them not directly related to Shakespeare. I remember my professor once asked us to question the degree to which we’ve been tracked into our lives.
More than just being a product of your environment, my professor was getting at the question of why we do the things we do. Is it because it’s what we really want? As much as I’d wrestled up to that point with what to do with my life, I’d never questioned whether going to college or studying English or working toward a career was really what I wanted to do. Maybe it was just that everyone expected I would go to college. Maybe I was only interested in writing, because I’d been told I was good at it.
But, when I thought about it, I realized that I just happened to be doing exactly what I wanted to be doing. And my whole attitude about school changed. For the first time, I realized how much I wanted to be there.
I have since questioned all of my moves this way. Do I only want a PhD, because I think it sounds impressive? I don’t deny my ambition, but teaching as a professor is what I want to do and I need a PhD for that. On top of which, I like what I study and find it deeply personally meaningful.
Still, my New Year’s resolution was to live louder. So, maybe I’m doing the things I want to be doing, but I’m doing them too quietly. Sometimes I feel like I’m tip toeing through my own life. If a wall were to suddenly be standing in my way, would I scale it or just stop and stare at it?
I don’t precisely know what living louder means, but I’m pretty sure it involves taking more risks and being more aggressive about what I want and literally talking more. Being brave.
I’m not bothered by living a small life. It even appeals to me. But, I don’t want to feel limited by the circumstances I’ve fallen into.
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{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }
For a while while reading this I was thinking that for me I don’t consider what I want more than “would it look good”. Then I realised that that was true in the past but now I’m much more into thinking what my choices can do for me, because ultimately if you’re doing it for yourself you’re going to end up being better overall and for others. I want to study for the addition it’ll make to my resume but the knowledge I acquire would benefit me more than any employer.
I believe in the idea that in most cases you’re only limited if you allow yourself to be limited.
I love this post Ashley. I prefer a small life too. I dont need to do things on a grand scale and have hundreds of people know that I’ve done anything. I dont need to be a movement or a crusader setting out to change the live sof huge groups of people, I’m ok with just knowing that maybe I’ve made a difference to one or two people. While donating, sure big huge organizations are great, but I tend to prefer small grass roots, in my backyard sort of organizations. I think only you can define what living louder means and its something you have to do on your own terms, not any one elses.
I recently saw the blog Not That Kind of Girl (http://notthatkindofgirl.net/), have you seen it? A pretty cool premise along the lines of living out loud.
I love that quote from You’ve Got Mail. It might have to do with the fact that it’s one of my all time favorite movies. But it’s true, I doubt that most of us take the time to reflect and question where we are and why. I asked myself virtually the same questions and came up with a few interesting answers. I wanted the experience of attending college. To me it wasn’t just something I should do. As for my major, I’m still questioning whether I chose the right field. I would have liked to do so many other things like pastry school or industrial design. I’m happy with my decision, but sometimes I wonder what other options would have been like. I did conclude that I don’t live adventurously enough, or loudly rather. I seldom take risks. I feel like trying to take more risks would be good for me.
Your post kind of reaffirmed some of the things I’ve been thinking for a while. It made me smile to know that others feel like I do!
I’m tempting to make another “100 Things I Need to Do Before I Die” list. Because I seriously need to step it up and out of the “safety” zone.
I have that quote written in one of my journals. I like the idea of a valuable but small life, it kind of reminds me that even doing little things for others makes a difference.
Oh, what a thought-provoking post! Thank you, Ashley. I came to a similar realization a couple weeks ago when I realized that I don’t really want to pursue a career. My ambitions lie in other things I do besides my job. My job pays my bills, teaches me some new skills, gives me some sort of purpose to work toward, but it’s not my life, and it’s not who I am. That realization totally set me free. It’s incredible, isn’t it?
Good luck with living loudly! I think it’s a great goal to work towards, while earning your Ph.D and becoming a professor.
This is just a tiny comment, but I know exactly what you mean and am pondering the same “tip-toeing” through life thing.
Sometimes I feel like I’m living such a life, and wonder how my life can be livelier. We shall see..
I don’t often let myself wonder if what I’m doing is what I want, because I’m afraid I’ll be disappointed.
I love this post. I think about that movie line all the time, and I have been asking myself the same questions about why I’m doing what I’m doing.
You know I think you need to follow your heart and do what you want to do. Sometimes you will stay calm and sometimes you will speak your heart loud. It’s all fine. It depends on you and how you feel. This line is great, I really like this movie!
P.S. I found your blog through 20sb!
Is this my first comment? Never mind, I’ve been reading for awhile and I wanted to say that I also love that line. As for being braver and living louder? I think for me living bravely means being myself. All the time. :)
what a great goal to have, live louder, do what you want to do…great and also very ambitious, i often wonder that about myself too, am i doing what i want or am i doing what is expected of me? and my answer is often the latter, i mold too well to fit my surroundings and in doing so i deny myself the things that i want, but i’ve gone so long doing for other, do i know how to do for myself? what a thought provoking post! thanks for that.
I’m working on amping up the volume, too; or, at least the quality of sound.
I definitely felt like I was on a track and, slowly but surely, having hopped off of it is making more and more sense.
I know that You’ve Got Mail wasn’t the most loved Meg Ryan/Tom Hanks movie – but it’s my favorite. I love the bit she does about seeing a Butterfly on the subway. Every time I see that movie I want to pack it all in and move to a city :D
And good luck with living louder :D:D:D
I think about this ALL THE TIME. What a great great great quote from You’ve Got Mail! Man, and it REALLY hits me. I’m going through a mini-dilemma with my whole going-to-Turkey plan, and I’m trying to figure it all out at the moment. It’s all in attempt to “live louder” like you suggested. I’m tired of being such a timid girl, because I am all too often.
This post reminds me of the lyrics from Fiona Apple’s “Extraordinary Machine”: “I’m good at being uncomfortable so I can’t stop changing all the time.” I feel like that a lot. You have to get good at being uncomfortable or you’ll always stay the same. I think it’s good to “live louder” than you’re comfortable with, to try things that might seem scary or even just unusual for your normal routine.
(Found your blog via 20SB’s featured blogger, btw. Congrats!)
I remember this line, oh, so perfectly. And, I remember loving it.
If I were to interpret the statement: live louder. I would think: live with conviction. Talking, and being brave, will of course make your life louder. But when I think of that phrase, I think of knowing why you are doing what you are doing (just like your professor asked). Knowing your motives behind EVERYTHING. There are so many people who fall in traps of routine, fulfilling expectations, following patterns set by others. But there are so many choices–choice which give us the need to understand our decisions.
I’ve never heard such a beautiful, or insightful, New Year’s Resolution. I hope that yours has more luck than most.
(Also found your blog via 20SB– and loving it!)
I really liked this post. I watched You’ve Got Mail a few days ago, and that was such a good line.
I think you’d scale it. I also think that I’m living a little too loud sometimes, so this was such a lovely reminder for me to scale back-meet you in the middle?? :)
P.S. THANK YOU so much for your comment. I was actually going to email you and see if you could relate, I’m glad it wasn’t just me but I’m sorry it was a lil weird for you as well.
Excellent post. After reading this I’m happy living a small life – even though there are some days where I want to go all out there and do things I wouldn’t normally do and gain desire for more things in my life.
I agree with Mandy by defining what living louder means to you. I’m sure it’s different for everyone depending on their dreams and life aspirations.
Hm, that’s a movie quote I never even thought of before, yet can apply well to so many people’s lives, I’m sure.
All that matters in this world is that you are happy doing what you’re doing. I’m convinced that’s true. If you aren’t happy – big life, small life, whatever – then what difference does anything else make?