I’m having a hard time summing up 2009, which is why this post is days late. It was a good year for me. I wrote my thesis, graduated with my MA, started a PhD, kept blogging, gained some confidence, and started acting a lot more like an adult.
Typically at this time in the year, I’m developing a plan for how I can be a completely different, obviously perfect person. This is the least like changing everything about myself that I have ever felt at the start of a new year.
It’s a weird place to be. I can’t say, “Screw 2009! 2010 will be my year.” In my surprisingly, embarrassingly still superstitious mind, I almost don’t want to say this out loud for fear of a major reversal, but I really do think it’s going to be a good year for me.
It’s so much easier to be awesome when you don’t start off feeling like a failure. It’s so much easier to succeed at things you’re already doing and already enjoying than to try to be perfect at everything.
I love and hate New Year’s Resolutions like I love and hate all goals. I’ve failed and succeeded at goals I’ve set at every time of the year. The most successful I’ve ever been at weight loss started as a New Year’s resolutions, but my most recent goal (and probably the biggest I’ve ever undertaken) to get out of debt started on a non-specific day in early to mid November.
My favorite thing about being on a school schedule is that there are so many opportunities to start over. What I’m learning now is that a fresh start feels powerful even when you’re already doing well. It’s a chance to refocus.
This year I’m thinking less about what I can do to impress everyone and more about the things I can do to make myself happier. There’s too much on my plate right now to do everything I want to do, so this year I’m breaking the most important rule of goal making and leaving everything quite vague.
This year I resolve to pay off all of my credit card debt (follow my debt blog here), rock my new job because it’s one of the biggest opportunities I’ve ever been handed, develop as a student (keep up with reading and talk more in class), make time for writing, and make steady improvements in my eating with some general effort to exercise or at least move more.
And now for the vaguest of them all. I want to try to live a little, um, louder, I guess. This came to me when I realized that this wasn’t just the end of a year, but the end of a decade. I spent the first half of this decade living very apathetically and the second half trying to save myself from those habits. I’ll probably never be spontaneous, a big risk taker, a world traveler, but I have it in me to be more aggressive about the things I want—a little more willing to make mistakes and make myself vulnerable if it means really living.
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So I just wrote about our blogger blind date. Hope you don’t mind. I had a lovely time, and it’s always good to put a face to a blog! Have a terrific New Year, and I think your goal to live a bit louder is a great one! I can definitely use the same advice. :)
Yeah, i agree too living louder is definitely something i want to do this year. Widening the social circle, getting to where i want to be
Brilliant! Happy New Year!!
I think trying to concentrate on making yourself happy is definitely a good resolution to have; as is being louder when it comes to what you want. Good luck!
Wonderful. Deciding to live a little “louder” was at the same time the best and most difficult decision I ever made, but I’m so glad I did – and I’m really excited for your 2010 of doing it too :)
I like that: living life louder. I need to do that, too. And not necessarily change who I am as a person. Like you, I’ll never be a spontaneous, drop-everything girl. I’m not interested in becoming a world traveler. But I would like to do more with my life and stop it from being so mundane.
well said. 2009 definitely wasn’t a bad year, but 2010 just has a good feel to it for some reason…the vast possibility of being better. I’m all for starting resolutions throughout the year, and not just januray. People need to realize that it’s never too late to start over.
I love the idea of living more loudly.
2009 was most definitely a coming into my own after the ending of a 6 year relationship. But I still held myself back with people and didn’t allow myself to be vulnerable.
But I like your goals – especially of living more loudly.
Living a little louder is an excellent goal. I feel like I’ve taken a backseat in my own life at times and that definitely needs to stop. Its hard to recognize that we need to make mistakes and take some risks to get the things we want out of life.
I really like what you said about how you like the school schedule because it gives you chances to start over. I totally agree with you on that. I love the feeling of starting fresh. It’s the best! I love your goal of living louder. Sounds perfect for you!
Well, starting 2010 feeling like a failure will not get you any closer to not being one. Have you read what you write lately? Have you acknowledged what you’ve acomplished this past year? You’re all kinds of awesome. The wind will never blow your way if you don’t know where to point your sails Ashley. You can’t change all of yourself at once, or in a year to come. But you can bu sure of what changes you have to do. And that….I guess you’re doing just FINE!
:)
Have a wonderful 2010.
Great resolutions :) Just dont forget to enjoy each day, because it will never return…. :) Happy New Year!
I support living louder, so let me know if you need a backup singer.
I also support getting out of debt, so I’ll keep you privy to cheap/free things to do. :)
I think the vaguest of your resolutions is probably your best.
I too am trying to get out of debt and it doesn’t seem to be going too well… I get a little ahead and then I quickly fall back when I overspend during a certain week or a paycheck just won’t cut it. It’s very frustrating but I’m hoping this will be my year to really rein in my haphazard spending and really pay attention to what I’m doing. I’ll definitely be checking out your debt blog!
This is a very reflective blog. Thanks for sharing such thoughtful pieces of your year.