I have this problem where my response to everything is to think that I need to be better-stronger-smarter. It’s not to say I’m not critical of other people, but when things aren’t going right, I assume the fault is with me.
I know this about myself and I really hate it. It wears on a person to always come up short. I’ve been working a lot just in the last few months on self-forgiveness, which is not nearly as serious of a project as it might sound. I just consciously remind myself that I am who I am and that’s enough. I’m at a point now where I get sick of myself for thinking every little thing going on is a result of a character flaw that I can fix if I just work hard enough.
But, then, the thing is that I want to be better-strong-smarter. I am a motivated person with a lot of dreams. So, it’s hard for me to draw a line between cutting myself some slack and holding myself accountable. I mean, I definitely think there is a line. It’s just hard for me to find it right now, because I only know the extremes.
A million times a day, I think of all the things I could be doing better. I should be writing and running and studying and talking to people and reading more blogs and being a better daughter/sister/friend. And there’s a big part of me that loves this kind of thinking. I’m excited by crazy motivation and plans for world domination. But it gets exhausting and I too often end up with a defeated sense of self.
I don’t think this is a problem I’m going to solve, but I do think it’s going to be something that will get easier. I don’t mean the juggling things will get easier, but I think I’m learning very slowly not to take everything so personally and to accept myself as I am. That’s a better place to work from.
This is the debate going on in my head as I start thinking about resolutions for the new year. I love goals and I love new beginnings, even if they’re artificial like the turn of one year to the next. I just have to keep my sense about me.
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I think this is more common than you think. Personally, my issue is that I want so much, and yet have a hard time giving myself the time to get to each. I have so much I want to learn, and so much I want to do, and it’s easy to let that get in the way of what I’m trying to accomplish right now.
Personally, I’m working on trying to focus my energies better. If I focus on what’s at hand, I’ll likely do better (case in point; my grades were better this semester because I cut myself some slack on other projects) and then can get to what I think of as the “good stuff” (distractions that make me happy but aren’t necessarily career options just yet) later on.
It’s a precarious balancing act that I’m not altogether fond of, but I’m learning to accept.
I totally understand this—I can be really hard on myself about all of the time I’m wasting, or the things I wish I’d accomplished. It definitely helps focus resolutions, but it can be difficult to narrow things down. I think you’re already doing great things…keep it up.
Self-improvement can be good, but it is important not to get too obsessed. You seem to be doing pretty well to me anyway, so don’t worry too much.
It’s amazing how in my head you are. This is something I’ve really been thinking about lately. I strive to be such a perfectionist, but you’re right: you can’t do it all. It’s impossible. I love goal setting, but I hate coming up short. I just try to remind myself of my accomplishments and such and just be happy with how things are going and keep doing my best. It obviously doesn’t work all the time, but what else can you do?
I think you have so much on your plate that you just feel like you don’t have time to dedicate yourself fully to everything you want to improve on. This will calm down eventually but in the meantime you just need to learn to be less hard on yourself.
Easier said than done though, I know!!!
Hi Miss, first time here! I definately agree. I live on the extreme a lot, where if I don’t do EVERYTHINGPERFECTOMG, I tend to just say WELL THEN EFF IT, and scratch whatever goal I had altogether. My goal for 2010 is similar: learn to walk the line between aiming for the sky, but not tearing myself apart if I only get a very realistic halfway. =)
You can be good a lot of things or great at one.
I think learning to not take things personally is the key. There is only so much you can do in one day and you must take some time for yourself. I am looking forward to new beginnings myself and thats odd for me.
Wow, a human being that actually works to achieve … as opposed to fail … Sorry, but somewhere down the line, most of our generation works quite hard a being a slacker. Glad to see that you are going for the gold, aka world domination. Its a tough job and someone needs to do it. Best of luck.
On another note, your blog caught my eye because your picture a day strangely reminded me of Zoolander.
Good Post.
Cheers.
Yes, exactly! That’s just what I want to say to your points. Each year I resolve to take things less personally and to stop getting so stressed about things I can’t control. It’s never solved, but it does get better–or maybe my life circumstances just become more enjoyable? Either way, it’s at least good to realize this about ourselves, right?
Good luck with your goals!
I really don’t know how I ended up on this site, or why I clicked on you (probably because you were the blogger of the day or whatever the title) but I did. You struck a nerve with the comment that seemed as if you made it only in passing about self forgiveness. That is something I myself need to work on. It is not that I do not accept who I am, but some things that I have done, I still hold a grudge against myself for. It’s a quite peculiar situation. I like who I am, but I wish I was better. I believe that most must feel this way. It is kind of the human condition to think this way. We can never have enough. Everything is a rough draft. Take computers for instance, we will never have the perfect computer, because soft/hardware designers continually tweak every solitary part of it for better performance. I suppose we (our minds) are the programmers/hackers and our bodies/souls/hearts are the hardware. At any rate, I enjoyed your blog. I’m gonna have to bookmark it.
oh God-I am the EXACT same way. I’m constantly reminding myself that i should be thinking, or what i should have done to make my mother happy, or how i’m not pretty enough.
You’re right…it gets TOO MUCH.
I can’t figure out how to stop-please let me know if you have the answer.
No reason you’d know me, just linked here from 20sb.net, but I definitely know how you feel.
Lately I have to stop and remind myself that I’m not from outer space and that all things interpersonal are a two-way street. I’m getting better. But I generally interpret everything as something I did inappropriately, awkwardly, or not intelligently enough.
There’s a point where the will for self-improvement is just self-deprecation. Go you.
I hear you on that one!!! It’s taken me a looong time to be able to discern whether the problem’s with me or with someone else. At least I do an internal check now before taking the blame!