I was trying to write this post about a few things that are frustrating me, but first it seemed necessary to set some kind of tone for my general mood lately. That’s when I ran into some problems.
I should have realized this already, because I encounter it trying to write fiction. It’s pretty easy to capture the highs and the lows in writing, but it is damn difficult to get at all the in between. I’m trying to describe my life, but it almost sounds like I’m just naming off opposites. I am more confident than I have ever been, but also more deeply insecure than I have ever been. I am calmer and more content than I have ever been, but also more anxious and ambitious. I don’t feel like a walking contradiction. I just sound like one.
Sometimes I worry that I sound like a total head case on my blog, because I share all the things I’m thinking about. Then it sounds kind of false to say things like, “But, I’m happy. Really.”
But, I am happy. Really. Not because things are perfect. Not because I’m choosing to concentrate only on the positive.
I could list a million things that are frustrating me right now and so many more that are stressing me out. They affect me deeply. I don’t exist on some happy plane above the cares of the world. I am writing in the middle of it all, feeling a lot of things at once, none of which should be underestimated.
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That last paragraph really resonates with me. I’m going through some stuff but I’m trying to be calm about it. You know?
Great post. x
You don’t sound like a head case at all. You sound honest.
Life is not black and white. I always feel like I’m in the grey.
All I can think to say to this is : You’re doing good.
I don’t know how anyone else here sees you, because I don’t know them, but I certainly don’t think you’re a head case. I actually think you’re a positive influence and inspiring, at least to me. I know it’s rough when you think other people view you a certain way, because you think that if you were someone else looking at you, it’s how you’d see you. But I assure you, it isn’t. And you aren’t.
You don’t seem to bounding from one end of the spectrum to the next. And I agree with the previous posters that you are not a head case. It’s indeed tough to express the in between moments in life. I find myself struggling with it all the time. I worry that I sound dull when I’m attempting to post the in between details.
Keep doing what you’re doing. I certainly love reading what you write. :)
I know exactly what you mean about being two opposite things at the same time. I’m like that. It’s not always easy.