I can sum up my life as a student pretty easily. First we do a ton of reading. Then someone presents on the reading. Next we discuss the reading. And, finally, we write about the reading. 1
Presenting on the readings has always been a part of my grad school experience, but this semester it seems like all I do. Since the second week of classes, I have had at least one presentation every week. This week, I had two.
I am not very good at presenting. I get nervous. I forget how to breathe normally. My mind goes blank, so that I can’t string thoughts together spontaneously and later I can’t remember anything I said. I’m sometimes insecure about whether I sound smart and prepared enough. I’m boring. 2
Worst of all, I spend so much time worrying about the presentations and even dreading them. You’d think after doing one a week, I would get over some of that fear. And I guess I have, but not as much as I’d like. This semester I started out with a few not so good presentations and one that I was really embarrassed about. That did a number on my confidence, which only made me further dread all the presentations to follow.
This week, though, I finally redeemed myself. I had two presentations on Wednesday and they both went really well. I was nervous, but not so nervous that I sounded nervous. I’m pretty sure the words I strung together made sense. And, people responded as if they were actually engaged. I even got some laughs. 3
When I present well, I remember that I actually like talking, even in front of groups of people. (I do want to be a professor, after all.) It’s exciting and though I’ve never loved being the center of attention, sometimes the spotlight isn’t so bad. The most fun about it is getting to share your ideas, even if you don’t have everything worked out yet. And, it’s theology, so you’re never going to have everything worked out.
If nothing else, I’m proud of myself for continuing to face my fears. I could say that I don’t have a choice, but that’s not really true. I could have let it stop me a very long time ago from doing what I want to do.
- My life as someone making this my career is a little more involved, but this is the day to day. [↩]
- To be fair to myself, almost no one really impresses when it comes to presenting on the readings. We’re presenting on really difficult material that even if we understand, we still have a hard time putting into meaningful language given the amount of time we have. We’re mostly just trying to get through. And, everyone–everyone–is boring. [↩]
- The good kind. [↩]
{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
I’m glad it went well! Presenting is something I need to hone my skills at too, even after 4 years of grad school and lots of presentations (esp. because I want to be a prof, too). I’ve gotten a LOT better since my first year though — I think it’s just the more you do it the better.
Omg, I had a class presentation yesterday and my heart was pounding SO hard I thought it would jump out of my chest!
I mean, I KNOW all the people I was presenting too. We’ve been in the same classes for the last year and a half, but still I was SOOOO nervous for some reason. I absolutely could not believe how hard my heart was pounding!
I am so glad that it went well. I struggle doing presentations with a lot of ummms, silent pauses and the like. Public speaking isnt my thing. Its bad. I think its great that you are overcoming and rocking your presntations. And that your fear hasn’t stopped you from persuing your dream.
I break out in a freezing cold sweat every time I speak in front of more than five people. Good job! It’s hard to organize your thoughts when people are staring at you.
Good for you! I’m so glad that it went well. Maybe this is the turning point for you, and they’ll get easier from here on out? Hopefully! (:
I hate speaking in public, and I always feel awkward when a teacher or someone makes me speak on assignment to a HUGE group of people. Umm, there is totally a reason why I’m behind the camera!
It’s amazing. I have no problem speaking in front of students, but put me in front of an audience of adults, and I melt from fear :/ I get it.
Ugh, I hate presenting. But “they” say that the only way to get better is to DO it. Whoever “they” are…
Being nervous is sometimes endearing and exciting to the observer, so people may be paying more attention than you think. When some people hear a presenter being jittery, there is a kind of rooting for the protagonist (an underdog, so to speak) kind of thing going on. It’s a strange social phenomenon.
So maybe that little bit of being nervous keeps you on your toes so that everyone who is taking notes actually does pay attention?
Either way, it’s good that you’re not letting a some nerves get in the way of you getting what you want. You get a mini-applause for that.
I hate presenting sooo much! Earlier this month, I had to do a 5-minute presentation on a picture of mine that meant a lot to me and I was incredibly nervous about it. Frankly, people either had really amazing presentations or really boring ones. I just get so nervous and shaky and clammy and I say “um” way, way too much! And I just forget I know how to speak. It’s like I turn into a 3-year-old when I give presentations. It’s just awful.
I always hated making presentations in front of my classes, too. I would feel just like you– super nervous, forgetting to breathe, feeling insecure because I didn’t prepare enough, wondering what the heck I said once I sat back down, all that. plus, because I’m so pale, I often would show my nervousness in my face– I would turn bright red, like a tomato! Last year I went back to my alma mater to talk to a journalism class (with my editor) about covering city council meetings, and I really wasn’t any better! haha. so I am definitely glad I don’t have to worry about presentations anymore.
luckily, I think it is something you can get better at over time, the more you practice, and I think when you are a teacher it is different because you are not talking in front of your peers… at least you haven’t let your fear of public speaking stop you from pursuing your dream. and those presentations where you really excel prove that you can do it! and even like it :)
Always a good thing to face fears, even one like “public speaking.” It’s a doozy, for sure.