I blog semi-anonymously, which means I don’t go to any great length to hide my identity here, but there are only two people in my non-internet life that even know this place exists. It’s a pretty common way to blog and it’s suited me well for more than a year now.
I’ve always imagined there would come a day when I’d either choose to tell everyone or be found out. For that reason, I’ve never written anything that would ruin a relationship or threaten my employment. There are times when I think it wouldn’t be such a big deal just to come clean and then there are times when I’m so glad I have this space where I don’t have to think about what the people who know me in my non-internet life might think. I guess I’m leading a double life, but my two worlds don’t come into contact very often, so I don’t think of it that way.
Oh, but sometimes I am struck by a sudden rush of paranoia. Someone will look at me funny or say something that sounds a little suspicious, and I am just sure they not only know I have a blog, but read it just to laugh at me. The very thought of it makes me cringe. I can’t help but think just how embarrassing that would be. I’m not embarrassed that I blog. I know a lot of people throw around a lot of ill-informed crap about blogging, but those people are mostly short-sighted haters. I am embarrassed about what I write only when I think about how deeply personal it is and when I picture someone reading it in a mocking voice. A mocking voice makes everything embarrassing. In the end, really, it would probably be good for me to give more people a look inside my head.
I do really love just how self-important my paranoia is. I guess that’s at the root of all paranoia. I’ve always thought this way about my journal too. My greatest fear was someone reading it; the fear was so great that I’ve destroyed some journals previous. But, like, unless you really care about a person and are super interested in their thoughts, journals are freaking boring. 99% of my journal is about me and I don’t mean to be overly humble of self-depreciating when I say, it really wouldn’t be of interest to anyone. The same is probably true of my blog. There’s nothing scandalous here. I hope it’s decent content, but reading it wouldn’t give you much reason to look at me funny when we pass in the hall.
I’m still pretty sure the day will come when my two worlds will collide (I can’t say with 100% certainty that blog me hasn’t already been compromised). But, in my sane mind, I know it probably won’t be that big of a deal.
If that’s the case, then you might wonder why I go on keeping this blog a secret from almost everyone. I’m not always sure. I read an article once about how irresponsible it is to blog anonymously. I get it; it’s ridiculous to blog just so you can talk smack about people you know. But, that doesn’t even begin to cover anonymous/semi-anonymous blogging. I don’t blog semi-anonymously to protect myself from the consequences of my own words. I do it because there are things I don’t want to share with everyone, because I want to be known apart from how I’ve always been known, and because my little non-internet bubble can feel mighty stifling sometimes.
I used to dream of being this transparent, million-percent genuine person with nothing to hide and no shadows to roll out. Now I realize just how inauthentic that would be. I’m this sometimes private, sometimes very open person. I don’t lie. I don’t hurt people. I keep parts of myself hidden. We all do.
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I’m pretty anonymous really. I recently told a friend that I have a blog, but not where to find it. He’s the only one that even knows that. I don’t know why exactly. People know I have an interest in writing, but I guess it’s easier for me to be open and honest if I don’t think they’re reading. So I understand your need to keep some things separate from others.
Sometimes– No; often, I wonder if I should’ve stayed anonymous. I wouldn’t go back because I’ve met really great people. But at heart, I’m usually really private. And I had always thought my blog would be a place to reveal some things I otherwise wouldn’t have a space to tell.
I totally get where you are coming from on this one. I’m very “semi-anonymous.” This means, I can’t disclose EVERYTHING because well, I don’t think I need to. I have a job to worry about after all.
None of my friends IRL read my blog except my boyfriend because I don’t think they’d really care. I’m not about promoting myself, so I don’t post my blog link on my Facebook page because I’m not writing to get readers. If I blogged about a certain topic (like food blogs or exercise blogs) then I’d be more likely to open it up to everyone in my life, but I don’t think personal content is interesting to people who hear me talk everyday.
Oh my gosh, I’ve been wrestling with this lately too! I even made my blog private for a nanosecond the other day, but the same goes for me–I don’t really have anything scandalous in my blog. But it does have my full name, something I chose because I do for the most part want it to be identified with my writing persona.
I think you’re fine–your posts are always eloquent and insightful and never drama-fueled.
I’ve kept my blog private as well. Not because I feel as if immediate judgment would descend, but I do this for myself. Not others. I’ll admit I’m a bit self-conscious. I love conversing with those around me, however, sometimes all I need is a little self-indulgence. I love this place of mine that lets me be whatever I feel like. Blogging is my outlet. If someone in my family found out about my blog I don’t think that I would panic. Anything and everything I’m written is what I’ve honestly felt. You shouldn’t be ashamed of what you write when your intentions are not harmful.
I am there with you on this post. Good reminder for most of us on why we blog!
I’m not anonymous at all. Everyone knows about my blog except the people I work with- that’s just too weird. But I still keep some things private. I don’t really want everyone to know every detail of my life.
I’ve always been paranoid about my blogging, but moreso since I started working at a place where ratting out your coworkers for any negative comments about the workplace is encouraged and frequently acted upon. A handful of people, including coworkers, know about my blog, but I have given explicit warnings to everyone not to alert the Cindy Brady’s of the office to their existence. Not that I talk smack about my coworkers or my job, BUT…I am honest about my lack of satisfaction with where I am, and I don’t want that to be misconstrued as, “Well, she should be the first one to go in the next round of layoffs if she’s not happy here.” And that WOULD happen.
If it weren’t for that, I’d probably be less anonymous-y in my posts.
Either way, I think it’s good to blog anonymously sometimes. You’re freer to say what you like, and as long as you don’t use it as an excuse to lie about yourself or to be mean to others, I don’t see what it matters.
We all do. It’s true.
As Mark Twain once said:
“Every man is a moon and has a side which he turns toward nobody: you have to slip around behind if you want to see it.”
And I’ll add, “or, you have only but to read his or her blog to bask in its truthful, iridescent glow.”
I’m not particularly anonymous but I don’t understand why its irresponsible to blog anonymously. Why is this? If I COULD Blog anonymously I probably would – I just find it hard not to share too much information about myself!
My blog is NOT anonymous AT ALL – I have the link on my facebook page, which is fine by me. But sometimes I forget that just because people aren’t commenting DOESN’T mean they aren’t reading. And I will find out that my roommate from college or something is reading – not a huge deal, just something I have to be aware of. That’s why I’m careful not to say anything about the people in my life, school of my job – even though sometimes I’d really like to!
i know what you mean. I’m semi anonymous and some days I just wish I could be out there, and everyone would know me… and other times I’m worried about the few people that DO know me irl and what they’re thinking when they read my blog.
blogging is rough sometimes.
I know exactly what you mean. That paranoia is why I shut mine down for about two weeks in the spring. I just got this awful feeling that people knew and were judging me, etc. At this point though, yeah it would suck but those are my feelings and I’m really not ashamed of them.
World’s are colliding? Trust me– an Ashley divided against itself cannot stand.
I can definitely relate to this post in a lot of ways! You’re not alone in this.
I REALLY wish I didn’t tell my co-worker about my blog because there are days where I’m peeved with her and wish she didn’t know everything that was going on with me. It’s too late. I’ve learned my lesson – I won’t share my blog with other people other than my friends & family relatives. The only thing I won’t let my real-life friends know is my PW for my protected posts.
Thanks for writing this post! I’m glad to know I’m not the only one that feels this way.
You saw that I tweeted about this post. :) I relate to this a lot.
I also blog semi-anonymously. J knows about my blog, as does a close friend but they don’t really read it. For which I am grateful. I don’t blog about things I know would get me in trouble, but still, I like that I could blog about things I normally wouldn’t reveal if I wanted to.
I worry about this all the time. A few of my closest friends know I blog, some even have been inspired to start their own. But my family and coworkers don’t know, as far as I know, and that scares me.
I think a bit of paranoia would be common for someone who stays anonymous. Hell, even me who isn’t anonymous feels it a bit. I guess it’s just all part of blogging, wondering how much people truly do know.
i blog semi anonymously…no one in my non-blog life knows about the blog…i’m sure one day i will get caught. and it will suck. but then i just think it will also make a really good blog post : )
I blog semi anonymously as well, and I prefer it that way. I link to my facebook and twitter, with my real picture and name, so it’s not like I’m trying to disguise who I am, but I don’t out of my way to tell people about my blog either. With the expectation of the blogger meet up I went to last week, but that was easier because I didn’t know those people before I showed up, and most were bloggers as well, so no biggie. There are some things I like to keep to myself, from people who are already established in my life, my blog is one of those thing. But if any one of them ever found it, I suppose it really wouldn’t be that big of a deal. I feel my blog is a good representation of who I am.