There are only a few things I hold myself back from writing more about. Adorable Boy is one of those things, mostly for reasons to do with having nothing to share that doesn’t make me sound 12 years old.
If you’ve never heard me talk about Adorable Boy, let me catch you up: 1). He’s adorable and I really mean that. 2). He also studies religion, but I only ever see him in the library. 3.) He’s very nice and always returns his books on time. 4). We do not have any kind of relationship that goes beyond occasional small talk and smiles. 5). Having a crush on Adorable Boy makes the hours and hours I spend in a huge building full of books, but not enough windows, a little more exciting.
Now, I used to only see Adorable Boy every couple weeks or so, so when you reasonable people asked, “Why don’t you just ask him to coffee?” I could use that as an excuse, instead of I’m stupidly shy and libraries are awkward for approaching people and I’m terrified of rejection. But, this summer, I saw him all the damn time. On the street running, parking his car, on my way into the library, on my way out of the library, a variety of places in the library. I swear I even saw him ride by on a bike a couple weeks ago when I was sitting on the sidewalk waiting for my shuttle to the airport.
So, there went all my good excuses, but still I’ve got nothing. And while I have a hard time ever picturing myself taking the kind of risk necessary, I remain oddly optimistic that we will one day have at least a decent conversation that’s not about the weather or about how fast the semester’s going. I know, I dream big, right?
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{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }
I’m pretty sure the universe is conspiring to force your union over coffee… I do think I would be way too petrified in your shoes to actually do anything about it all, but I am definitely NOT the most outgoing person out there!
I asked a boy out in the library once! Cute Writing Class Boy. It’s doubtful that someone would say no to coffee, but that’s just my opinion. You can use the topic of studying religion to start a more in depth convo!
I agree with Elizabeth. It’s obvious the universe wants you guys to have coffee. ;) But to be 100% honest I’d also be painfully shy about it.
(Just so you know, you have everything going for you, you’re smart, beautiful AND funny even though you said you weren’t in the beginning of you vlog the other day)
Are notes still cool? ‘Cause then you could like, put a note in one of the books he takes out.
I don’t know. I’ve been in a relationship forever I don’t know how the youngers date anymore. lol
I think you should just ask him out for coffee. You never know what could happen. At the very least you could have a new friend.
Oo0o, just make a move! What if he’s thinking the same thing? Do you really want to finish your PhD program and regret not even trying? What if he graduates at the end of the year (you might already know when he graduates, but I’m just throwing it out there)? Mandy has a great point and, even if it’s just friendship, at least you’ll finally know, right?
This makes me so excited!!! It’s been a while since I’ve had a good crush! I think you should ask him for coffee (even though it’s much easier said than done). Could you say something like, “Hi, I know this is kind of awkward and weird, but I’ve been seeing you all around campus lately and I was wondering if you wanted to get coffee sometime?” I’m sure he’ll say yes (and in the worst case scenario, all he could say is no. And then you’d never have to talk to him again! ) Plus, it would make for some really great blog material! Good luck! :)
OK, first off, let me tell you to ask him to coffee. I think these things happen for a reason.
Second, let me tell you a story. I saw my (now) boyfriend around campus for three years, all the time. I worked at a clothing store and he’d come in there with his girlfriend and shop. I’d see him at restaurants, in labs, etc… I had NO CLUE who he was (thought he was gorgeous though) and definitely knew that he had a girlfriend. After seeing him constantly for three years, and making small talk at my job/his job, smiling at him, etc… I didn’t ever make a move and graduated. I was too shy and scared to ask him to coffee. About two months after I graduated I saw that someone I was friends with on Myspace was friends with him. I checked his page, saw he had no girlfriend, and messaged him telling him I saw him around campus. Anyway, about four months later we started dating and have been together since November. He has told me numerous times that his relationship was on and off with the girl throughout college and he would have said yes if I had asked him to coffee because he noticed me too.
I really think that these kind of things happen for a reason and the universe puts s0meone in your path repeatedly when it wants you to know that person.
You saw him even more this summer? Arghhhhh ask him out for coffeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Haha, ok I’ll start being serious now. I know how tough it is to ask someone something like that (I have a fear of rejection that is very big and very overpowering), but… I think the segue wouldn’t be too hard especially since you both study religion. Just bring it up, get a semi-decent conversation going but then, out of nowhere, you have to go do something! So the only way you’ll be able to continue the conversation is over a warm, caffeinated beverage. Now if that isn’t a great plan, I don’t know what is.
You can do it!! I have faith in you. First step is Coffee and then from there, who knows…
Maybe next time he checks out a book, you can ask him about it. Share that you also study religion. You could be sneaky and tell him you would like to sit down with him to discuss (something you both are studying). Then, when you get to coffee, just talk about whatever. It’s worth a shot, and at least you won’t have any regrets!
Sometimes it’s more fun liking someone than actually dating them. The ‘crushing’ can feel really good!
how about this? you ask him to coffee and i’ll do the same w/ the girl i’m interested in?
Wow. I so could’ve written this post. I am the exact same way! I fear rejection so badly. I don’t want to look like a major loser. I haven’t had a good crush that I wanted to act on for a long, long time. But I am so feeling you on this! I would never be able to ask him out. First of all, it’s just not my style. Secondly, I’d be way, way, way too nervous!
Good luck!
I totally understand how you feel.
You know how girls always say to just smile at a guy? I can’t do that. It’s awkward to smile at a stranger!
Good luck..I know it’s hard.
I had a crush on a guy like that, once upon a time. We ended up going out on a few dates later on, but nothing really happened. Will you be seeing him any this fall?
Returning books on time is a huge selling point for me. :)
Do not “ask him to coffee” when you have so many other, better ways to accomplish the same thing, no, no, no!
Since you’ve seen him in the library so often, he’s no doubt seen you as well. He may even be a little sweet on you, too, but is similarly shy. If this is the case, you must help him.
Next opportunity you have to speak with him, perhaps when he is returning a book, simply say something like, “I’ve seen you in here a lot, you must have a pretty intense course load” (or something similar, make it your own, whatever suits the occasion). He will, in turn, reply. You then reply to his reply, showing interest. Few things are more reliably flattering to a guy than for a girl to show a glimmer of interest in him. The objective it for him to leave thinking “She’s nice. And maybe she likes me.”
Just keep everything light at this point, light I say! Give him room to respond. Gauge his interest by his replies (he may be a little slow to warm up). Be willing to repeat this process a few times. At some point it will be perfectly natural for you to say something like, “sometimes I like to just grab a giant cafe mocha and just sit and think deep thoughts.” (dangle, dangle…) You may find that he replies, “Hey, so do I, maybe we should meet and think deep thoughts over a couple of cafe mochas sometime.” To which you reply, “I’d like that.” (brief pause) If he says “when are you free?”, bingo! If he says nothing, do not despair, give him another chance or two. If there is even the least bit of interest on his part, he will be excited about having asked *you* to coffee. If he’s extra shy/slow/timid/whatever, and a bit of time passes w/o a coffee date, you can always say, “So when are we going to discuss deep subjects over coffee?”. You get the idea.
Why “ask a guy to coffee” if you can get him to want to ask you? Having been a guy my whole life, I can assure you this works.
P.S.
If it works, you owe *me* a cafe mocha.