It Ended In Exhaustion

This has been a crazy week.  It started with a road trip across Washington, then a hotel stay with my sister, a huge knot in my neck, a drive back to catch my plane to California early the next morning, nearly missing my plane, a shuttle ride I thought might end in death, 100+ heat, back to work where everything was crazy, a flat tire, nerves, and then PhD orientation.

Orientation didn’t include any of the normal ice breakers, like telling everyone one fact about yourself that might surprise them.  The introductions were just names, where you went to school, and what your research interests are.  For lack of sleep and caffeine, I almost fell asleep while we were delivered a bunch of information I mostly knew already.  Except, I did perk up to be the little know it all interrupting all the time.  It’s just that library things came up and I work at the library, so I know about library things and even though I’m really shy, I couldn’t not say anything.  Every time I said something, I told myself I wouldn’t open my mouth again, but then someone asked about graduate studies and I had to raise my hand and say, “Sorry to be a know it all, but I’m actually in charge of graduate studies . . . .”

Then we had lunch outside.  I had a terrible headache by then and lunch was a strange combination of chopped up vegetables and meats that I think were supposed to form a salad.  Lunch was served outside in the heat.  California has been doing an especially great job lately of turning me into a hot sweaty mess.  Just how I want to feel when I’m meeting new people and taking a picture for an ID card I’ll be using for the next 4-5 years.

We got to move inside to air conditioning to finish advising and registering.  Divided up into our specific areas of study, it was finally obvious that there are only two women, including me, in my program.  All the girls I’d had lunch with divided off and left me and only one other to our male-dominated philosophy and theology. And the one female professor in our field is on leave this year!  Not that this is of huge significance, but it’s not of zero significance either.

Given the opportunity to impart some wisdom, one professor said we should make sure to build relationships with at least 3 professors because we’ll need them later.  No one had to tell me that.  Another said we should pursue our intuitions, because that’s what will make our research original and keep us interested.  I needed to be reminded of that.

I managed to chat it up with a professor of mine who has always intimidated me.  I’m determined not to be scared of him anymore or let myself think that he thinks I’m an idiot.  He’s said the opposite too many times now.  Plus, he’s offered me a job this year.

What made the whole day, including especially meeting a bunch of new people, so much easier was that on my way to orientation, I ran into an old classmate of mine.  He graduated the year before me, but remained in the area to go to law school.  I haven’t seen him much in the last year or really spoken to him.  I didn’t find out until yesterday morning on my way to orientation that he was on his way to the same orientation.  He dropped out of law school and decided to go for the PhD instead.  It made it a lot easier for me just knowing someone else.

After orientation, I had to go to work for a few hours.  Things were so crazy there and I was so tired, I didn’t think I’d make it until 5, but I did.  Then I walked home, because I still have a flat tire.  Then I ate a hot pocket and fell asleep for four hours.  I’ve never been so tired in my life.