This was part of a conversation between two undergrad girls. I posted it to Tumblr minutes after I first overheard it.
I never thought for a second that this girl really was too fucked up. Maybe because I’d just posted days before about how I’m a mess. I might be wrong, I might outgrow this way of thinking, but I have the sneaking suspicion that we all feel this way sometimes. It comes as a result of being privileged to the thoughts in our own heads.
It appears in fiction sometimes where the guy chooses the perfect, simple girl over the complex, crazy, mess of a girl. This seems like such a tragedy for everyone involved, because no one is perfect or simple and no one should be made to feel like too big of a mess to be loved.
I could add a million qualifiers to this. It’s true that some people do have their lives more together than others. That you sometimes have to cut people out of your life who are just drama and trouble. That we can change and sometimes rightly should. That we can push each other to be better.
But, I’ve never met the girl who thinks she’s the simple and uncomplicated one. I’ve never met any person like that. So maybe we can cut each other and ourselves some slack sometimes. I hope people can accept me for the normal-seeming, mess-like-feeling person I am most of the time, and I hope I can do the same for them.
{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
I don’t think there is a person alive that would qualify as “perfect” or “perfectly normal”. It just doesn’t happen.
I’m with sleepyjane on this. I’ll go as far as to say I believe no one is normal and simple and uncomplicated – and the ones who appear to be so are probably just better at hiding the crazy.
I agree. The people who seem to have it all together are usually the ones barely holding it together. I am usually a hot mess of emotions, thoughts, etc. I’m not sure how I come across. Some days I do a better job of making people think I have it all together. But why do I even try so hard?
Yeah, I agree. I think we can all cut ourselves some slack and not take it too personally. Especially if “it” is some guy rejecting us.
I definitely think that people should accept and even love each other for what they are. But when it comes to actually being with someone, sadly I think that some problems can just be too much to get past at the time. Sometimes it’s better to wait until both parties are in a good place before starting a romantic relationship. Not that this should stop people from caring about and supporting each other, just that they should really consider if they’re ready for a relationship before entering one. And for what it’s worth, in my experience guys love messed up girls, because it means they can protect them, which guys generally like to do. I know it’s not a great reason to be attracted to someone, but it definitely happens.
See, I don’t understand why we overvalue the “perfect” person, in particular “perfect” guys or girls. To be honest, I generally like the people who are (for lack of a better term) a little bit more of a”mess.” To me, those people are the real ones and the most interested and best to be around. Maybe it’s just me, but that’s the way I feel (or maybe it’s because I know I’m pretty much a mess). But I definitely think it’s true that girls/women/ladies are made to feel as though they need to be perfect to be appealing to men, even if I’m not sure if that is actually true.
And I think it does work the other way, in terms of men being too messed up for certain women. I generally place the blame on a certain literary character for these problems (*couchMrDarcycough*). But maybe it’s because I believe that that I feel the way I do, and like the characters who are a little bit messed up.
Again, but that’s just my opinion.
I love Mr. Darcy! *swoon*
Wait… what? :D
I think to an extent, we’re all a little screwed up. It’s just a matter of how much it shows or how much we try to cover it up. I discovered a long time ago that even if you hide it, it comes out eventually. So instead of trying that? I think we should all be who we are, for better or worse, and other people should accept that.
Well-said! Everyone feels like a hot mess at least once in a while. We need to realize that we’re all in the same boat.
I’m honestly a mess. But I never feel like no one would love me. I’m lucky to have people in my life who love me for who I am, even the messy parts. Because you’re right. We’re all a mess at some point in our lives. No one is perfect.
I certainly feel like that sometimes, too. I think everyone feels “fucked up” from time to time even the seemingly perfect people.
so so true. I totally agree with everything in this post. I too have never met someone utterly simple and uncomplicated. it just doesn’t exist. like another commenter said, sometimes the people who seem “perfect” are the ones barely holding it together. I think if you scratch the surface of anyone’s personality, you are going to find a whole complicated mess of things. and that’s the beauty of it. how boring would life be if we were all perfect? and in regards to relationships, love wouldn’t even be the same, because it is easy to love perfect {isn’t that why we always think our crush is perfect… until we truly get to know them? :) } but true love is seeing past the imperfections and loving the mess underneath it all…
I’m always a mess and I refuse to be in a relationship with anyone who doesn’t accept my imperfections. Boys are silly. That guy probably wasn’t very interesting.
“Imperfection is beauty.”
Amen! We all feel like messes sometimes. And I think we all are, deep down.
You couldn’t be more right. We all feel like this at least on occasion, but hopefully, generally speaking, we are truly this way. It seems completely normal to feel it though from time to time.