I’ve been in a mood I don’t have words for. Not sad or unhappy, not bursting at the seams with joy, and not even blah. I just am. And, I’m not good at just being. I’ve got to have words to put to it or some kind of reflection to share.
This is just like writing fiction where the big drama, happy or sad, is so easy to write, but the day to day feels impossible!
I guess it would be different if I was content with this weird mood, but I’m not. I feel restless. And even though I love Fall to little pieces, I’m not ready for it. I don’t know if I’d rather sit in a corner and cry right now or run out of the library and go skipping across the grass singing at the top of my lungs. It’s kind of maddening in the best and worst ways.
But, there’s one thing I’m really excited about. I found out this morning that I got the vacation time I requested and I’ll be able to go home to Washington later in August. Gah, it’s just so awesome. I haven’t been to Washington since last Christmas, and I spent most of that time snowed-in at my Dad’s house, away from the part of the state I really call home. I didn’t realize until this year that I don’t just miss my family–I miss the actual place I spent most of my first 22 years. I like to walk around and seem familiar sights. It brings back parts of my life I can’t recall from here in California. I just can’t wait, and I feel so lucky that I get to have this experience before I head into what is sure to be a dynamic and difficult school year.
Excuse me while I go skipping out of the library!
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I’m heading home to Mass in a few weeks, too, and I couldn’t be more excited. Nothing quite like home :-)
those moods are pretty irritating if you ask me. i think mostly because there’s no NAME to put on it.
and yes, there is NO place like being home. whenever i go home, no matter what mood i’m in, all i have to do is turn onto the road that leads to my road and all my stresses melt away. everything. all of them.
i hope you enjoy washington when you go!
Congrats on getting the vacation time! It definitely helps to go home and be home (and, like you said, it’s not just the literal home/family though that’s part of it), especially before starting something big. It’s a good pressing of the metaphorical refresh button, as it were. And I’m a little jealous as well, since I’m still hoping to make it up the Pac NW way one day (Portland and Seattle are on my list).
I can definitely understand those feelings you’re having as well and I definitely think going home, while not being a cure-all and fixing everything, will help to sort things out. But think of this as an opportunity to learn how to just “be.” Trust me, I know how tough it is (I’m the same way) but once you figure out how to do it, you’ll feel a million times better.
You’re so right – there’s nothing like home!
I’ve had a super bleh week too. Lets hope both our weeks pick up, next week :-)
?There is nothing quite like going back to the place you call(ed) home and taking it all in. I’m glad that you’ll be able to make the trip. Have a great weekend Ashley!
Enjoy home! I get into those funks too–I like to think of them as a psychological malaise.
Wee, vacation!
AWww yeah I’ve been feeling that way myself.
But yay about vacation time… ooh Washington sounds lovely, I’ve never been!
Lol you blogged about feeling “just….there” and then when you were done blogging you felt happy! =)
I hope you have fun when you go to Washington next month. That’ll be nice to have some good time off before school starts!
Ugh I have so been there. I don’t know what is worse – being so up and down like I have been this past week, or just being.
But YAY for vacay time! I guess it’s just this time of the year when everyone is really starting to get run down by work and everything. It is for me. I only take my annual leave in Dec every year so needless to say I can kind of use the break.
Whenever I am in a blah mood, I know a vacation of some kind is in order. Good thing you get to go home, always good for the soul :)
I have to preface this by saying that I’m not at all sure we’re talking about the same thing, but I think it’s positively grand to have the occasional moments of pure detachment, feeling nothing and wanting nothing. I don’t mean the numb and adrift kind of feeling nothing, I mean clear-headed and completely aware yet totally still. And not a forced stillness either, like a posing mime or a Meditation 101-style “OK, here I am sitting here doing nothing…” Nope, just to be able to sit where you are without feeling the pull or push of emotion, or urgency of any kind. Lets you know there’s more to life than an endless flow of stimulus and response.
And I like vacations, too. Haven’t had a real one for years, though. A day trip on a motorcycle is as close as I’ve gotten for a while. It’ll happen again though, I’m sure of it, all in due time…
Ah, vacation! I live 1,000 miles from where I grew up, and I know what you mean. Though this can feel like home, too, there is just something about Kansas that’s home to me.
We all have those ruts, and it’ll pass. And with something like going home to look forward to, hopefully the skipping will continue and you can move into happy instead.