A couple months ago, my 30-something brother moved to Arizona. It’s the first time he’s ever lived outside of the city we grew up in. It’s not like he’s anymore attached to home than I am, but he put down roots early, bought property, and didn’t have a reason (like school) to move away.
My brother is still adjusting to living in a new state and in a rare moment a few weeks ago, we talked about something fairly serious instead of our normal banter about Zoolander, Point Break, and Armageddon. He asked me whether it was hard to keep up with family and friends when you live so far away.
I said that sometimes I feel really removed from everyone. Sometimes too long passes between calls. Sometimes the conversations are stilted. Sometimes I hear news weeks late. Sometimes I’m not a very good friend/daughter/sister/niece/granddaughter.
But sometimes it’s easy. Sometimes I don’t feel the distance at all. I called home last week and talked to my step-dad about work, about the weather, and about making a lamp out of a vacuum cleaner. Then I talked to my mom and we went on about work again, and then growing up and the concept of shopping for a church.
I’m not very good at this. Everyone in my family, my siblings and I especially, are so independent that we don’t really depend on each other. We don’t share every detail of our lives. We don’t ask each other for advice. But, we love each other and those easy conversations remind me of that fact when I’ve drifted too far away.
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I completely know how you feel. I’m going to blog about this now. LOL.
Oh, I really do like reading your blog. I think it’s good :-)
I live about fifteen minutes from my parents and siblings, and even we become disconnected at times. We’ll randomly text each other, but we often go days without talking, and even weeks without seeing each other. It’s sad, really… But when we do get to talk, it feels nice.
I’m independent when it comes to life choices, etc. However, with the emotional side, I require a bit more attention. This usually comes as a shock to most people given my rough exterior. I do my best to work myself through the any and many crisis situations that hit me as to not bother other people – which seems a bit of an irony – I need people, but don’t want them to know I do nor do I want to displace them by asking for help.
One of the many components that make up the Katie.
I’m really super close with my family and I only live about 20 minutes from them, but life does get in the way and we sometimes go quite some time without talking or seeing eachother. I think about this a lot sometimes. I analyze life’s purpose, and how our parents raise us to fly from the nest just like a bird, and start our own families and friendships. We check in every once in a while because that bond and blood relation will always be there, but we’re meant to live our own lives and do our own things. My thoughts are obvious ones, but I tend to think about it a lot, because I miss my family all the time.
My brother and I rarely talk, so I’m envious of the relationship you seem to have with yours.
But you’re right, living far away can sometimes make you feel close yet far away at the same time. There are many events and memories my friends and family are experiencing that I’ll never know and never be part of. But then it makes every time together much more special, and I like this independence I have.
Everything has its good and bad parts though.
I haven”t found it too hard moving away for school. I probably talk to my family more than most people. My dad at least. He’ll call me every night or every other night. I’ll talk to my mom about once or twice a week while I’m away. And my brother maybe once a month or so. But I don’t feel far away from them.
I think the hardship of talking to your family can come from either being dependent or independent. There are times when I find myself staggering over what to say to my dad. I am very close to my family and I must say it doesn’t just happen with him. Sometimes I find myself struggling to talk to my little sister, the person that I’m essentially closest to. I really don’t think you have to be close to have a hard time talking to family. I can’t imagine being independent entirely.
I feel the same exact way about living away from home. Since a lot of family drama has occurred since I left for college, I think I was shielded from a lot of it while my sister had to deal with the brunt of it.
It’s always nice to know that the love is there even when you don’t see each other very often.
I felt the same way when I was away at college. My parents were horrible at keeping me informed and I’d only find out by other relatives or if I asked. I often hear “Oh, right. I didn’t tell you?” a lot!
I know what you mean. I call home maybe once a week. Sometimes I go a month before either side calls. I have my little brother down here with me now, but the rest of our family lives up north, Hubby’s included. Then you are only able to go visit about once or twice a year. It sucks. But other times, like you said, it is easy – as if you were just sitting down with a cup of coffee talking.
My step-siblings are all scattered around the country. With social networking sites its easier to stay in touch and share our lives with each other.
I like the distance and the space to do my own thing. Having really full and rich experiences outside of family makes getting together even better, actually.
I talk to my family about as often now (thousands of miles away) as I did when I was in college (when I was a hundred miles away) because we don’t see each other daily. Though I talk to my sister more often because she has more important stuff going on in her life (pregnancy and engagement). I feel like I miss out on a lot, having younger siblings – I have a younger sister who went to her first prom and a younger sister who got asked to “go out” in 4th grade. The only thing that really gets to me is that I haven’t been really there for my youngest sisters since they were 4 and 9 respectively. I feel like they have grown up without their oldest sister and that I don’t get a chance to influence them the way I’d have liked to. It’s weird, but I wouldn’t change my life decisions. I find out the big stuff and I think that, by doing what I have done, I am still an influence in some way by being the one college grad, the one who got out of town and did my own thing. I hope that it teaches my sisters that going out and following dreams or whims isn’t such a bad thing.