I’m of two minds. Or one crazy mind. I’m not sure yet.
I’m like, “yay Summer!” I have that strange beginning of summer feeling where you don’t know what to do with yourself, because everything has suddenly ended. But, I wasn’t expecting it this year, because my life over the last year has revolved more around work than school, and I am still more than full-time employed.
I guess I was focused more on graduation than I thought, because the afternoon of the ceremony, my mind started to open up to this new freedom of (very temporarily) not being a student. I was sitting in the theater Saturday night watching Star Trek and even though half of my energy was spent admiring Spock’s ears, the rest was on some kind of anxiety-fueled spin.
It seems that this slight anxiety issue I have is actually worse when I don’t have things to focus on. So, I search for distractions. I could fill my time with the things I really want to be doing: reading and writing. But, in all that silence, my mind goes crazy.
I’m half filled with dread and anxiety and half stupidly excited about Summer and all the new things coming my way. Listening to the live version of “Summer Swing” seems to fuel the latter.
None of this is really anything new. I’ve gone through it all before. But, I am determined not to waste a summer trying to distract myself instead of doing the things I want to do.
I want to finish my novel this summer and get it to a place where I can actually try to do something with it. Because the truth is that I’ve done almost nothing with it in the last year. Some of that was legitimate, but a lot of it, I think, was me being afraid of finishing. It’s that damn brain crack again.
If this was just about accomplishing things, then I’d think again, because my time would better be spent learning French and relearning German (for my PhD). I’m going to write instead, because it moves me on some very deep level and does magical things for my mind and general well-being.
Time to become intimately involved in the lives of my characters again.
{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
You should write. Do something you enjoy! You’ve accomplished so much already, treat yourself. And don’t bother with French, it’s an awful, awful language…trust me, I took 6 years of it and still can’t speak a word.
I think summer sounds like a perfect time to do that. Even though my work doesn’t change in the summer months, I still feel that little something that means it’s summer. Must’ve been from those 17 years of anticipating summer vacations!
When I was writing my little novel I was completely sucked into it and it was hard to believe that I was coming up with these people’s lives and finding ways to intertwine them. Almost like I was watching it come to life and I wasn’t quite sure how I had managed to do it, if that makes sense. I know it will be good for you and will start your summer off amazingly. :) Have fun!
I agree, I think writing would be a great way to spend the summer, because it’s something that will give you… not structure but it’s something to do but you love it so much. And learning French would be a great thing as well (I believe it’s a beautiful and lovely language). I’ll be working on my French during the 2nd half of the summer (when I’m in, you know, Paris ;-) ) because I have to take a French translation exam sometime next year.
I understand. I’m not even technically done with anything either, and somehow Summer makes me a little crazy. Where I don’t want to waste it. I want to savor it, but then yesterday, when I had a pseudo day off, all I did was lay around and watch TV, and work out on the Wii. Something I totally would have done when it wasn’t Summer! So annoying.
BUT I am excited for you to finish your novel.. because I got truly sucked in when you posted that excerpt of it. I did. I did. So Good Luck with everything! But at the same time, I think you deserve a week of being like YAY I graduated! :)
This is the perfect time for you to finish the novel. You have this window of time to really focus on it and you should definitely take advantage of it.
Writing always makes me feel like that. Good for you for bringing it to the forefront again and working on it more actively. Don’t be afraid of it, embrace it and you never know where it might take you, but you’ll never know if dont finish.
You should finish your novel. I went to an author-presentation while in college – Tawni O’Dell – and she said that setting aside time to write, sticking to a schedule of sorts, makes it easier to do so. She said people are more likely to complete the task at hand if they make the time each day to focus solely on that.
Try it out. Maybe it’ll also help with that anxiety.
I had a sudden moment of “ahh” yesterday. Actually the moment has carried over to today. I feel the urge to work on my novel as well. I wonder if that’s just the feeling of summer and endless possibilities?
That’s great about finishing your novel! I want to also finish mine. Well, actually get STARTED on it. I’m still working on the characters. :) It’s fun, though.
First time coming across your blog and first want to say congratulations on graduating! Secondly, writing a novel sounds like a great idea. I’ve always wanted to write one myself but never had the time to even begin. Love your blog btw :)