I’m kind of frustrated with people lately. I always hate when people say that, because they often do it from a pedestal and then look down and say, “people these days.” So, I guess I should clarify. When I say I’m frustrated with people, I don’t mean that the people have somehow failed me. I just mean that I’m a person who’s currently frustrated in her dealings with other people, which is a pretty natural thing. And, when I say lately, I really me right this second as I sit at work. The instant I leave work, I’ll be fine.
I did have an experience this weekend that probably should have left me frustrated with people, but instead just left me confused about how to feel. I was at Target (for the 3rd time that week), and I was behind this lady in line who had the most adorable newborn strapped to her front. She paid for part of her total in cash, so I saw her shuffling several bills around. I wasn’t paying close attention, because the old man behind me was standing way too close and when I tried to step further away from him, he just stepped closer to me.
As the lady with the newborn started to walk away, and I stepped up to the cashier, I noticed money on the ground. It was two $20 bills. The newborn lady hadn’t gotten far, so I picked up the money and said, “I think you dropped this.” I held the money out to her and she took it, but then she said, “I don’t think I had another $40 in my wallet.” We all kind of stood there for a moment–the newborn lady, the cashier, me, and the old man standing too close to me.
Then the newborn lady said, “Does anyone mind if I take it? You won’t judge me, will you?” I didn’t say anything, the cashier shrugged, and the old man standing too close to me whispered, “are you sure it’s hers?” I shrugged towards him and then the newborn lady kind of laughed and walked away.
As the cashier rang up my items, I was thinking, “that lady just walked away with money that probably wasn’t hers. Am I judging her?” As I walked to my car, I thought, “Were we all kind of judging her and did we just not say anything because we didn’t want to bother starting something with a stranger in Target?” As I was driving home, I thought, “even if we all agreed on finders keepers, she didn’t find the money. I did. In what way was she entitled to it?” And, as I was going to bed that night, I thought, “I really need to get over this new crush on Zac Efron, becuase it’s embarrassing.”
I wasn’t mad that I lost out on money. I wouldn’t have kept it. I never keep found money unless there’s no way to turn it in. Not because I’m a great person. Great people (my step dad, for example) wouldn’t even consider keeping it. They’d just turn it in. I always at least consider it. I’m usually pretty good at spinning stories in my head and I tend to be overly sympathetic, but I didn’t attach that $40 to anyone who desperately needed it. Even when I thought about that possibility, there was no emotion in it for me. I would have turned it in, because I want to be the kind of person who turns in found money. It’s my ego on the line.
As I’ve said so many times before, I’ve always dealt with this problem of not feeling genuine. A perfect example? Doing the right thing, because of how it would make me feel about myself and not on the basis of some kind of principle. In the last couple years, though, I’ve realized that that’s just crap. I’ve come to believe that altruism is a myth–not because I’m cynical, but because I think our self-interests are always involved. And, there’s nothing wrong with that. You should be engaged in the things you do. It’s quite illogical to think you’re not.
I just don’t think our motivations are ever so simple that they can be called selfless. I would have turned that money in because it’s my habit, because I have this cultural and religious idea in my head that it’s the right thing do, because of the golden rule, because someone might really need it, because I want to think of myself as a person who would do the right thing, and because I want other people to think of me as the person who did the right thing.
I’m not a bottom line, end result person. I think intentions matter. But, maybe we should realize that self-interest isn’t such a bad thing and that we cannot so simply divide every or any action into selfish or selfless. I understand the tendency to label things simply and in definite categories. I know that we want answers. I mean, I study religion, remember? What I’ve gotten out of my education is not answers, but rather a more nuanced way of seeing the world.
Sorry for getting all philosophical on you. But, you probably expect that out of me by now.
{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
Don’t worry, I would have gone crazy thinking about it too. =) Though next time, as you all stood there wondering whose money it was, perhaps you could have all donated to a local charity. I know Target donates its proceeds to neighborhood schools. Also, there’s nothing wrong going to Target 3x a week. =D
I agree with you about not keeping the money. I was in a similar situation before. I was working as a computer lab assistant in college and there was a $100 in 20′s on the ground so I picked it up and asked the students (only 3 people in the lab at the time) if it was theirs. Everyone truthfully said no except one guy said it was his and I asked him how much he was missing first before forking it over. He was being fishy about it but I ended up giving it to him and 2 days later I found out from a friend that he lied about it.
I believe in good & bad karma.
This post really hit me. One day Megan and I were in Starbucks, and we were standing in an extremely long line. We had been “people watching” the couple in front of us the entire time, and we saw that they had paid with a credit card. When I was ordering, Megan noticed $20 laying on the ground. She’s in a wheelchair, so she non chalantly went to fix her shoes, and slid it into her hand. When we went to the side to wait for our order to be called, she told me what had happened. As we looked around we couldn’t find anyone that was searching for lost money. Sure, the “right” thing to do would have been to turn it into the cashier, but that’s just giving Starbucks $20 profit, right? So, we just hung around waiting to see if someone came back looking for the money. No one did. Megan told me to put it in my purse, but I felt bad doing that. My logic was, that if someone came up looking for it, I didn’t want to pull out my wallet and give it back, because that would look like I stole it. I just wanted to keep it in my pocket, so I could just pull it out and hand it over. I slid it into my slippery peacoat pocket and we went on our way. The grocery store was next, and I went to make sure I still had the 20 in my pocket when I was paying out, and it was gone. I’m guessing it either had slipped out somewhere along the line. My theory is that we were passing this $20 along, so that it would eventually end up with someone who truly needed it. Or, it was bad karma.
This post really hit me. One day Megan and I were in Starbucks, and we were standing in an extremely long line. We had been “people watching” the couple in front of us the entire time, and we saw that they had paid with a credit card. When I was ordering, Megan noticed $20 laying on the ground. She’s in a wheelchair, so she non chalantly went to fix her shoes, and slid it into her hand. When we went to the side to wait for our order to be called, she told me what had happened. As we looked around we couldn’t find anyone that was searching for lost money. Sure, the “right” thing to do would have been to turn it into the cashier, but that’s just giving Starbucks $20 profit, right? So, we just hung around waiting to see if someone came back looking for the money. No one did. Megan told me to put it in my purse, but I felt bad doing that. My logic was, that if someone came up looking for it, I didn’t want to pull out my wallet and give it back, because that would look like I stole it. I just wanted to keep it in my pocket, so I could just pull it out and hand it over. I slid it into my slippery peacoat pocket and we went on our way. The grocery store was next, and I went to make sure I still had the 20 in my pocket when I was paying out, and it was gone. I’m guessing it had slipped out somewhere along the line. My theory is that we were passing this $20 along, so that it would eventually end up with someone who truly needed it. Or, it was bad karma.
If I find money laying on the ground and there is no one around to turn it in to or no one is looking for it, I typically do pick it up and give it to charity. I honestly do try to find the correct owner and completely believe in karma. (This is also another reason why I tend to only carry my debit card.)
I completely agree. We as a society tend to want definite categories. But life isn’t something to be classified or simplified in my opinion. Life is complicated. Sometimes way too complicated for me, but we all deal with that.
I’ve never believed that to be selfless you have to give up everything you own for another. Sure I am all for people donating to those who need help. I’m not a miser. But I find myself extremely reluctant to believe that selfishness is always bad. I don’t have an example handy but I’m sure that most people could come up with instances in which selfishness isn’t bad.
There’s a question that I ask myself all the time, “who says so?” I may be a bit cynical, but selfishness is inherent in human nature, in my opinion. I honestly have to give props to Darwin here. I’m a firm believer in natural selection.
Wow. I can’t believe she’d just take the money after stating it wasn’t her’s. I’ve never seen money on the ground, but I’d turn it in if I did. You just have to hope that whoever you turn it in to won’t pocket it themselves, I suppose.
That whole situation is a little, not bizarre, but surprisingly complicated, though I think my line of thinking would be closer to your own. I just can’t believe the woman said: “Does anyone mind if I take it? You won’t judge me, will you?” Like, that is a pretty audacious thing to say, in my book and I was pretty amazed she’d go about it that way.
I wouldn’t worry too much about this particular situation. It wasn’t your money or the old man’s, the cashier didn’t seem too worried about her drawer being short $40, so it’s perfectly possible that it was the mother’s money and she simply did not realize it. In all seriousness, if you turned the money into customer service, what are the odds $40 in cash would have ever been returned to its rightful owner anyway?
I think it’s amazing the woman was honest. Most people who wanted the money probably would have just said, “Wow! Thanks, I’m glad you noticed that I dropped my money.” At least she’s not a liar. I’ll give her points for that.
“I really need to get over this new crush on Zac Efron, because it’s embarrassing.”
hahahaha! That one cracked me up. I don’t have a crush on the guy, but I will admit he was lookin’ pretty good in 17 Again (which was SO cheesy, but still adorable)
I totally agree with the idea that we can never do anything completely selflessly, and there is nothing wrong with that. I think you are right, in a way that is what drives us to do more. I have a passion for kids, and strive to make them smile, which seems selfless on the surface, but when I do make them smile, I get SO MUCH from that. It’s kinda a win-win situation.
This money thing is so tricky. I’ve kept money that I’ve found before, but it’s only been in random places like a parking lot when no one was around. I don’t know what I would do if I were in your situation.
And yeah, I agree with Ashley. That Sac Efron comment was great! I literally laughed out loud. :) He’s super cute.
I wouldn’t give this another thought! I’m sure I would have kept the money without even asking so you’re probably ahead of the rest of us :)
Everyone runs into this kind of thing in various forms at some time or other. I think that what galls us is discovering how smoothly and nimbly others can and do take advantage. My reaction to the newborn lady would have been exactly the same as yours, I think. What she should have said, and I like to think you or I would have said were we in her place, was “Oh no, I’m certain that’s not mine, perhaps you should leave it with the manager in case someone discovers they lost it and comes back looking for it.” Or, at the very least, “Oh no, I’m certain that’s not mine, you keep it.” Instead it looks like just another instance of opportunistic rationalization when presented with a chance to cop a little “free money”. Then again, maybe she really needed it and was too embarrassed to say so. You’ll probably never know.
I once heard that Jesus had more to say about money then he did about either Heaven or Hell. That could very well be, because how we deal with money reveals more about us then almost anything else.
By the way, HOW MUCH money anyone has appears to be entirely irrelevant. I’ve known wealthy people for whom money is far from the most important thing in their lives, and “poor” people for whom money seems far more important than anything else.
And Zack Efron should only be so lucky…
1. I would have done the exact same as you, picked up the money and called her, especially after seeing her shuffle around with money in her wallet.
2. She sounds kind of stupid. If that was me I would have said “Oh, thanks” and walked away with it, not admitted that I didn’t actually have $40 in my wallet.
I get in moods where EVERYBODY annoys me.