I wrote this post last week and then WordPress just ate the whole thing. I’ll try to recreate the magic.
I have a bit of a problem. As it stands now, I have agreed next year to be a full time PhD student, full time library employee, and part time research assistant for at least one professor, but probably two.
I need the education to get my career started. I need the library job to support myself. And, I need the research jobs to make the kinds of connections necessary in order to get started in the academy.
I am not certain that this load is impossible. I’ve been working the same three jobs this year while being a part time MA student, and I know what to expect from my upcoming courses, because I’ve been taking the same kinds of courses and with the same professors for three years. My job at the library does include time for studying. And, there is no problem of logistics, because unlike Hermione, I won’t be required to be in more than one place at a time. Still, I can’t help but remember that I was stressed working 15 hours while being a full time grad student and now I’m committing myself to working 45+, while being a full time student.
I can do it, but the one question mark is my sanity. I respond pretty well to pressure; it’s amazing how much I can do when I challenge myself. But, I have stretched myself too thin before and it threatened my happiness.
I used to keep my nose very close to the grindstone. By my senior year of college, I was burnt out. I cut back drastically and for once took time to enjoy being a student. I learned that not working as hard as possible at all times does not make you weak–it makes you a more pleasant person to be around! I have continued to work hard (very hard, actually) since then, but I’ve kept the boundaries up to protect my sanity and my happiness.
I know that successful people do what it takes to make their dreams happen. They work seven days a week for minimal pay. They sacrifice time with their families to finish that novel. They walk uphill both ways in the snow. It takes that kind of commitment to be an academic superstar, and I reached the conclusion a few years ago that I’m not willing to be that dedicated. I’m not willing to give up my life so I can be successful in my career.
I think I am willing to put my nose back to the grindstone if it means finishing my education and taking a big leap toward the life I want. I’m scared that it will mean going backwards in terms of my mental health. I don’t want to stop blogging and I want to continue moving ahead on my fiction. I want to, you know, talk to people sometimes about things other than how busy I am.
This is a measurable amount of time. Two years of coursework, qualifying exams, and then the dissertation. I can make it happen in four years if I really focus. I just worry that this won’t end well. I don’t want to come out of the next four years feeling like I put my life on hold.
{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
You definitely don’t want to feel like you put your life on hold. I felt that way after high school. I had worked 13 years to get perfect grades so that I could get a scholarship to college and then I didn’t even get a full scholarship. Now I’m working full time and going to school full time and I’m miserable. I have no time to have any fun. But I know it’s what I need to do, and I can’t imagine not having all the money that i do…
Right out of college I worked a job in the casino industry. I loved it and the hectic pace, the long hours, etc. After three years I bottomed out and burnt out. I had forgotten to get out and enjoy life. I knew then that I didnt want my career to be my main focus, I wanted living to be my main focus. I switched jobs and now am a lot happier. Work is ok but life is the best. I’m hoping to go back to school and things are going to get rough for a few years but I will always remember that life is what I am striving for. No point in making a living if you can’t enjoy it.
That is tough, but doable. Just keep in mind there is beauty in balance. If possible, try to make the time to have a life outside of the constant work, even if it’s just an hour or two to yourself for unwinding, etc. If you have goals you want to reach, it is easier to do it now versus later. Good luck!!!
Nothing is ever impossible. It’s going to be rough but in the end you can do it. There will be good days and there will be bad days, just remember to relax and have fun. Best wishes!
P.S. I love the Harry Potter reference. =)
If your PhD will be anything like my PhD, the work ebbs and flows and it isn’t necessarily all high-gear all the time. Plus, the whole thing about moving forward in your career/life is realizing that you can do things that you didn’t think you could do. If that makes sense. I still wish I had a time turner.
Eeek! Good luck! Take good care of yourself, don’t get burnt out!
Yeah, I won’t lie, that sounds kinda hardcore. Don’t feel like you’re failing if you have to take one of those things out of the equation. Your sanity is indeed important. Good luck girl!
Wow, that is a huge load, but I think you can handle it! Just remember to put some time aside for yourself and fun to recharge and renew the energy you’re going to be burning most of the time. For me, it helped to just set aside a few hours to go see friends, have some coffee, and just talk. Although we almost always ended up talking about school haha.
I’m exactly the same way. I definitely want to move on with my education but I don’t know if I’m willing to risk my sanity in order to keep up a certain pace.
You definitely don’t want to feel as though you’ve put your life on hold.
I know how you feel, I thrive off of pressure as well. Maybe try it out for your first semester, if it turns out to be too much and you feel like life is passing you by, then drop a few things.
Yikes! That is a lot, but if you can do it, go for it.
I have confidence in your abilities here. There isn’t any part of your schedule that I would suggest omitting due to the hectic-ness of it all. It all seems perfect for you. It’s going to be hard as hell. The things that are most beneficial usually are.
Just remember that you can always cut your hours at the library if you need to. Don’t let yourself get too stressed out, Ashley! Remember to have fun and take time for yourself.
I’m doing such a similar balancing act right now. Doing one thing because of the money, one thing because I want to, another because I have to etc.
And while I love it, it’s completely exhausting and it would be amazing to be able to let just one thing off my plate.
It’s obviously going to be difficult to balance all of that and a social life. Hell, for me to balance two jobs and a life isn’t always easy. But if it’s what you want, you can manage, I’m sure. Plan ahead, be responsible, and I’m sure you’ll figure it out.