It’s a weird thing to be part of a family. It’s especially weird to me now that I live more than a thousand miles away from all of my family and don’t depend on them in my day-to-day life. Down here in California, I am Ashley all by herself and not Ashley the youngest of five.
The relationships I have with members of my family are unlike any other relationships in my life, but in at least one way, they are exactly the same: they take work. And it’s work I’m not very good at, because I’m selfish and I forget how much I need people.
I keep up with my brother, because he calls me at least once a week. I talk to my sister sometimes when shes texts me. You see how this is going. My step-sister and step-brother I talk to almost never. I know what’s going on with them, because I hear it through the grapevine, but as adults, we don’t have real relationships.
So, it surprised me last Sunday to get a call from my step-brother in Alaska. I didn’t even answer the call, because it wasn’t a number I recognized. He left a message saying he wanted to ask me something. I returned his call on Monday night.
We had a very nice chat, mostly about theology. It was like catching up with an old friend. And, I had that thought you always have when you catch up with old friends: Why don’t we keep in touch?
I also got a chance to talk to my nieces. I’ve mentioned before that they somehow think I’m awesome, though all the evidence points to the negative on that one. I usually hear this from my parents, who I’ve assumed are exaggerating. But, now, according to their very own father, I’m like a pop star to them. And, it’s funny, because they don’t act that way when they talk to me, and then get embarrassed when anyone mentions it to me.
I don’t know why they continue to think I’m cool when I act like every other adult and ask them about school, about what they’re learning, and about their favorite subjects. I remember an episode of This American Life where a little girl complained that adults are always asking kids about school. Now I’ve discovered the reason they do it is that kids don’t feel that same obligation to keep a conversation going, and when you’re talking to them on the phone, they make you ask all the questions, and what other questions are there? I mean, these girls like me, and our conversations still boil down to me firing off questions and them responding with one word answers!
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Most of my extended family live in Florida, while I live in Tennessee; needless to say, it’s hard to keep in touch. Though my parents and siblings live about five minutes from me, it’s sometimes hard to keep in touch with them!
It’s odd; we rely on them so much when we’re younger, but as we get older, we start to separate ourselves slightly. My senior English teacher told us that seniors tend to subconciously begin separating themselves from friends the closer graduation gets, to make things easier when they won’t see each other anymore. Maybe we do that in life as well… Just a thought.
My extended family lives in Florida and Wisconsin. I used to be joined at the hip with my cousins, and now we hardly speak. Actually, that’s the way it is with ALL of my extended family. It’s heart breaking, but a fact of life. They will always be in my heart and I always think about them, but life takes you in different directions. I would love to know what they all think of me now. I can only hope I’m making them all proud.
I have lots and lots of cousins, and a half brother and sister yet I feel very… disconnected. Part of it is that I haven’t lived in the same area for about 5 years. But it’s also an age thing, since I’m a good deal older than all of them. Then I hear that same stuff, that I’m a “pop star” to them and I don’t know what to do or how to act. All I know is that this family stuff is awful confusing, and it’s a lot of work to deal with and think about.
I don’t talk to my sister nearly enough on the phone. It seems like we’re always out of synch: when I call she doesn’t pick up and when she calls me I’m either busy or just not in the mood to chat. I hope someday we’re on the same wavelength.
Interesting post. My sister and I are 8 years apart and I noticed that we were close growing up because we were living together, but now that we’re not living together we’re not that close anymore. Even though I live 25 minutes away from home – I still don’t know what’s going on with her…probably because of all the so-called high school drama that I don’t need to hear about anyways.
That’s cute your nieces think you’re a pop star! :)
I’m the opposite with my family. Well at least with my dad and little sister. I’m somewhat close to my dad and depend on him for a lot. I suppose that it helps that I live in the same state as most of my intermediate family.
I can’t imagine being far away from my family, especially my little sister. I’d lose it really fast. We used to be joined at the hip but college changed that a bit, so I see her less frequently, but still a lot. I still rely on her a bunch. As far as I’m concerned she’s one of my best friends. We’re two years apart and could have passed for twins when we were little.
Family is a weird thing. I used to want to run away as far as possible.. and thought I could do whatever I wanted, and not need them or want them anywhere near me. Now, its different, I still feel that way about some of my family ;) but most of them, especially my brother and sister I love to death. When I went to Germany, it was really hard to be away from them. And half the time I spent with my sister!
Where are you originally from Ashley? Far away from California I’m assuming?
Families are weird! I was just having a conversation about this the other day. I am extremely close to my parents, but I have no idea what my brother is up to during any given week or month. Families get even weirder when you have to factor in the in-laws. The lines are really fuzzy for me there, and we’re still learning how to negotiate the different boundaries of what to expect from each other.
Yep, I hear you on that one.
Every now and then…okay very often, you say something that hits home to me. You said “I’m selfish and forget how much I need people.”
I do the same. When things are going well, and you don’t need anyone, you continue on your merry way. Then, one day you need someone and you remember “Oh, wait, there are those people, but we never speak anymore.”
It happens to me more often than I care to share.
I have the same sort of relationship with my stepsiblings we get along when they are here, but we don’t really talk on the phone. Occasionally there will be a random phone call or something, its always sort of strange.
I also grew up constantly spending time with my sisters and cousins. This is my first year out of college and I just can’t keep up with all my family and friends. If I make a point of getting in touch with people on a regular basis, I usually only have time to call or e-mail a few of them. I guess I understand why adults usually have much smaller social circles than kids now.