. . . ummmmmmmm, desperation?
So, I talked to Adorable Boy yesterday. At the library. About books. I mean, as I checked books out to him. To summarize, I am hopeless. Seriously, I couldn’t even remember all of your good advice to, you know, ask him how he’s doing.
For those of you who don’t know how truly pathetic I am, Adorable Boy is a PhD student I kind of like. And, I’ve kind of liked him for a few years now, which isn’t quite as sad as it sounds, because for the first couple years, I just thought he was adorable and nothing more. I was distracted by someone else, but I told Lisa about this adorable boy who came into the library sometimes, and we started calling him Adorable Boy. It wasn’t until this year that I started looking at him seriously. And, that was the beginning of the end.
It’s not just that he’s adorable and I am not. It’s more that I do not wear my personality on my sleeve and I do not make an impression unless you have days, months, years to get to know me (or you read my blog). The fact that I actually like him just makes everything worse, because I’m even more inhibited when I’m nervous.
I long ago accepted that I wasn’t going to win him over with my shiny hair and ability to check books out quickly. No, I would have to actually work at this. That’s where I hit a wall. The problem is that I study Philosophy of Religion and Theology, while he studies New Testament, so we don’t have classes together. I know people who know him, but we don’t really have any mutual friends. So, I only see him in the library when I’m working, and as I’ve stated above, I don’t know how to do anything with those tiny moments of time, so we’ve never had a conversation that went beyond “It’s nice outside today, isn’t it?” or “Wow, this is a lot of books to check out.”
I’m just fed up with myself. I’m tired of sitting around waiting and wishing. And, I hate that what seems so easy to other people feels impossible to me.
{ 27 comments… read them below or add one }
.oh Ashley, I’m exactly the same!! I was actually just thinking about writing a similar post, about someone I am crushing on at work. I feel like I don’t make a good impression on anyone either, it takes awhile before anyone gets to see the “real” me.
Remember, it’s always easy to give advice, but when it’s your own feelings involved, it’s incredibly hard to follow your own. We all get that way. At least you have nice eye candy & a friendly hello whenever he’s there. That has to count for something, right? :)
I had terrible problems with telling anyone how I felt when I was younger. I would usually have a friend do it, but that’s so high school (though it’s WAY easier). When I told my husband, Josh, that I liked him, it was through an AIM conversation. Even after that, I was still very shy around him in class. It took a lot of courage to actually converse with him. We were even best friends for some time before dating, and it was sometimes hard to show the ‘real’ me.
I hope you can find the inner courage to talk to him some more! :)
Show him your blog! Kidding. :)) Aww. You should try again. :> Go go go! :D
Awww, it IS tough making that move. I completely sympathize. But it helps to find a common link. Think about it…at least you both have Theology under your belts, right? Why not ask him a bit about the New Testament the next time you see him? Maybe it’ll start up a conversation, and you can compare notes, maybe even recommend books to each other for further learning and maybe some, a-hem, discussions :).
I totally agree with the above comment. I think you need to form a simple white lie. Say it is for a research paper. Ask him out for coffee as a favor so he can help you “research”…seriously though! It’s worth a try. Remember the fear of failure is often worse than failure itself :)
It’s not easy… well, not for me or anyone else I know at least. I met my own adorable boy last week and after living with him for 3 days, I barely spoke to him (at least not while sober.) Maybe you should try going to work drunk?
Awe. I hate that. When you’re like , WAIT COME BACK I HAD SOMETHING BETTER TO SAY.. (I just have to think of what it is?). Sigh. Like someone above said, its super easy to hand out advice, but when you’re the one that the advice actually rides on.. and it will seriously affect your feelings then it starts to suck, and be a lot harder than it sounds.
You’re done after this semester though, right? So you better get on it. ;) Just kidding, kind of?
ohh, I didn’t realize he was a religion PhD student! You should ask him what his thesis is about or what he is studying the next time he checks out books! You could ask him if he’s going to that conference thing you helped set up! Ask him if he can tell you about a certain professor! But yeah, easier said than done :/
I’m not really much help because I’m the exact same way. Maybe you could tell him you’re interested in learning more about the New Testament and were wondering if he had any good book recommendations… or something like that?
Chica, you NEED to do something about this! How many times do we have to go over this?
Don’t be so hard on yourself! I know it’s frustrating but I have faith in you. Some day you will be able to knock Adorable Boy’s socks off with your awesome wit and charm :)
Awww,I know how tough this stuff is, like working up the nerve to talk to someone like that. Trust me, I’m not good at it AT ALL.
Maybe you could say something about the books he’s checking out, if there’s one you can make a comment on? Then you can be like “Oh hey, I’ve got to go [do some library thing], maybe we could talk about this more later, over coffee?” or something like that. You can do it! I have faith!
I agree with Sophia and some of the others – you have similar topics of interest – at least by what you are studying. Ask him something so that he sees that you are interested. (That is if you are interested and what to do something about it?!?!?)
It seems almost pointless to add more advice at this point. But I really wanted to leave a comment. haha.
Whatever happens, just remember that you are you and whether something works or nothing works, you are still you and no person can change that. :) That said, good luck with whatever course of action you choose to take.
Ask him out for coffee next time or something similar. What do you have to lose?
I understand your situation. I do. I am horrible at dating. I hate it actually. So yeah, maybe you shouldnt take my advice.
Wow, I went through this same experience 3 years ago. I had a crush on this boy from high school for 2 years. I knew him a bit, but not terribly well. After loads of encouragement, I managed to ask him out to dinner though. Through AIM of all methods. He said he’d love to. I’m irreparably shy and never in a million years did I see myself asking a boy out. Normally I’m very traditional, but I saw that if I failed to ask him out someone would realize what a catch he was (still is) and snatch him up before I had the chance.
So more to the point, it was the best decision I ever made. We’ve been dating happily for 3 years. I hope that you get the chance to talk to Adorable Boy more. Who knows what might result? You can do anything you set your mind to.
Maybe you need to slip a note into the books he’s checking out? Do they still have those cards you stamp to indicate the return date? You could definitely slip one in the pocket there…just a thought. I’m cheesy.
aw, but i think you ARE adorable! so the first thing is to think that of yourself (confidence).. just be friendly. :)
Don’t forget that every thing happens for a reason. This will all work out in the end. ;)
I will give you 50,000 life points if you ask him out for coffee.
I just found your blog and I have got to say that I’m enamored :) I will definitely keep coming back.
I would offer advice, but, for real, I suck at trying to build up some sort of rapport with girls I like, let alone ask them out. The only thing I’d offer is the longer you let it go, the more the idea of it changes. Well, for me it’s happened that way, anyway. In my experiences, the longer I’ve waited to try to make a move, the more it becomes about proving to myself I can actually do it, and less about whether I’m really still interested or not.
I feel the exact way. There used to be all these times when I met people and they didn’t remember me at all. Whenever I was around big groups there was a wallflower effect. To this day, I still need a couple drinks in me before I talk to people at bars.
baby steps. even if it was shop talk, it was at least talk of some sort! it’s always hard when you don’t know the same people, and i know little to nothing about what you both study, but would it be possible to maybe strike up a conversation with him next time about the books he’s checking out?
whatever happens, it happens for a reason. good luck!!!
I totally wish I had some stellar advice, but I’ve got nothing. I’m one for saying “just gotta let things happen,” but after this much time, who knows. Maybe some initiative wouldn’t be a bad thing. Yet that’s easier said than done, for sure.
I’m going to fly out and hit you for the “He’s adorable and I am not” comment crap. But luckily, you saved yourself with the shiny hair comment. Good save.
But, I too know what it’s like to be shy. Back in the day, I was. I either grew some courage or just ceased caring. Probably the latter.
“Wanna grab some coffee sometime?”
THE END.
Would that work?
Really? You told him through AIM? That’s exactly how I had to tell my boyfriend that I liked him!
okay, totally just realized that’s what you talked to him about this time, so my advice sucked. lol. sorry! and i guess the check out process doesn’t leave a whole lot of time for random chit-chat.
SIGH. looks like you’ll just have to ask him out for coffee! :D