I’ve always journaled without obligation. I write when I want to. Sometimes I fill pages and pages in only a few days, and sometimes I don’t write at all for long stretches of time. So many of my entries over the years start out with some note about how I should really write more in the same way that I should read more and exercise more.
Something has changed since I started blogging, and it’s not just that I write in my journal less often. My recent entries don’t start out with “wow, it’s been a long time since I last wrote here,” but instead, “I don’t know what to write here anymore.” I sit down with my big red journal on my lap, and I don’t know what to stay.
I’ve been doing weird things the last few days like going on random walks. In these double extra introspective times, I always turn to my journal. But, yesterday as I was sitting, looking up at the stars, I started thinking of things to blog about instead of things to journal about.
This time I decided not to give into my new instincts. I walked back to my apartment, grabbed my journal, and walked right past my computer and out to my porch. With the help of Coldplay, I wrote half a page about how I didn’t know how to journal anymore, and then I came back inside and started this post.
The difference between journaling and blogging is that one is private and the other is public. The thing I didn’t expect with blogging is that I have gone public with things I’ve always kept private. Keeping secrets is not the only reason to journal, but it’s always been a big part of my journals. I write to figure things out, but I also write to express the things I don’t want to share with people.
I started running through my mind, searching for reasons to journal. This turned into a search for things I’m not willing to blog about. But, there just aren’t many things, and as soon as I brought the few to consciousness, I realized that I would be willing to blog about them.
If journaling is only for filling in the gaps in my expression that blogging can’t fill, then I don’t see a future for it. I don’t want a journal of the gaps anyway.
But, I know that journaling is bigger than that for me. Writing in my journal has always been an experience that makes me feel at home in the world as exaggerated as that might sound. I’ve compared it before to getting a big hug from the universe. And, I’m not willing to let that go.
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I think we become used to receiving feedback on what we write, which is why journaling becomes so difficult after beginning to blog. I used to journal quite a bit when I was younger, and even in high school; now, there aren’t many “personal” drama-filled things to journal about… So my journal sits, waiting. It’s sad, really.
Great post, Ashley! I don’t know…I haven’t journaled in awhile, mainly because of maintaining two different blogs. Also, like you said, I pretty much mention everything on my personal blog. However, I do have this irrational (i hope) fear that the Internet will just crash one day, and all my precious memories will be lost. That’s the one good thing about a paper journal. Also, I guess I really blog about everything except for intimate details about romantic relationships, or specific details of arguments with friends that I might otherwise post about, if I wasn’t afraid someone I didn’t want to see it to see it.
For many years I have kept two distinct types of journals: one for the more traditional purpose of daily reflection, and one as place to write down ideas, favorite quotes and passages from books, etc. To complicate matters, I also keep a gratitude journal that I write in daily.
For me, blogging is a bit different from an online version of a traditional journal. I find myself using my blog more as a place to record worthwhile events and memories more than anything else.
I have no real reason to write in a journal anymore either. I lost that when I began blogging because the point was for me to share what I normally wouldn’t. Opening up to others was a very good step for me. My journal habits will probably stay dead for years at least. Not sure if this qualifies as a journal but I have a notebook that my sister and I pass back and forth. We’ve felt far apart lately and so writing in the notebook helps us to keep up with each other’s lives. I’m not a phone person. I’d rather speak to you face to face. So I feel like the notebook is the only way when I don’t see her that often. But to me that isn’t a journal. A journal would be something for myself and myself alone.
I am in the same boat as you. Over the last 8 years I’ve filled five journals and I’m on my sixth. It started out with a journal being filled every six months, then a year, now it’s been over two years and I haven’t filled the one I’m on now. I journal sporadically and when I flip back through it it’s often just me complaining about fights with my boyfriend. For me journalling wasn’t neccessarily about recording memories but more about venting or releasing anger. I journalled when I was mad or upset rather than breaking down, and writing down all my feelings on the page helped me overcome them.
I keep my journal by my bed now and usually jot in it every night, but it’s usually random idea’s for the blog that come to me as I’m falling asleep. There’s something about putting the pen to the paper and pouring your heart out that is so much more therapeutic to me then typing on the computer though.
There’s definitely a distinction between journaling and blogging. Maybe the journal is something that’s about crafting a personal narrative, while the blog can be like that but it doesn’t have to be. Does that make sense? As long as you’re getting something out of both acts, that’s what really matters. I guess I’m a little jealous of the journal because I want all your thoughts and energies going here so I can read them (mwahahaha). But there’s definitely a balance out there that can be found, and one that will make you happy
I think I tossed out my journal back in 2001 when some friends of mine found it and I was rather unhappy with what they read. Gradually I turned to LiveJournal – where I had the ability to make private entries and public ones, so it sufficed my journaling needs and kept them password protected – and then LJ fell to the wayside once I started my blog.
While I keep a notebook and pen next to my bed at all times – and another set in my purse – as I get older, I find it harder to keep things to myself, thus negating a need to journal. If I have unexpressed emotions, I try to pen them as a poem or a blog just to get them out of me. But maybe the need to hide things and keep them bottled up, even in a journal, lessens with time and age.
I’ll never let my journals go, either. Even if I don’t spend enough time with them anymore. They’re like a friend who has moved away but never changed his number. I can always call when I’m ready.
i like how you say it’s a big hug from the universe. journalling to me is more a conversation with yourself rather than a conversation for readers (blogging). i have also heard this self-conversation can help give you “answer” as if the universe is letting you know something. oh well, i’m reading Eat Pray Love and it seems to talk a bit about that. my journal writing is so off and on but i don’t think i’d completely let go either.. they really helped me during the first couple months of my 5 year long relationship break up…
Blogging has replaced journaling for me. It makes me sad because I like the idea of having something tangible that holds my thoughts. The Internet seems way less permanent. I’m still trying to reconcile this and find a happy medium of ways to express myself.
I used to journal a lot more too. I still do, but like yourself, not nearly as much as I used to. I prefer to turn to my blog. I even write things I will never post, but they are there and only I can see them. I think with blogging though, I get feedback and I like that. People saying “you’re crazy” or “I know you can do it” I love the community that comes with blogging. I am sure that there will be a point in the future when I want to return full time to journaling, but in the mean time, I am just going to enjoy my little blog.
I have journaled my entire life. But now that I have been blogging a lot more I find that I haven’t written in my journal for about 6-7 months. It is not that I don’t have anything to write about it is just that I like blogging more right now. I can do random, out there things and makes someones day better. Or tell a story and get feed back about it or suggestions. A journal is private, no one reads it. But sometimes I really want feed back. Blogging lets me ask for help when I am not willing to ask people in my lives.
I know I will go back to my wonderful journal that I have been writing in since I first came to college. It is a part of my journey and I won’t give it up. Like you said, it is really hard to find things to journal about when you can just blog about it. One day I might get bored with blogging…doubtful though.
i’ve been thinking about blogging v. journaling lately also. i admit that, for me, i feel more constricted with blogging because i’m worried i’ll write something and someone will read it that wasn’t supposed to. this is because, when i started out blogging, my blog wasn’t a secret. i shared it with everyone. bad idea for me. a good example is my bf. he has/had my blog website, but i’ve asked him not to read it anymore because i’ll share less if i know he’s reading it (i.e. i won’t be able to share my doubts/fears/worries about our relationship, which is how i work them out for myself before i go to him with them). whereas, with a journal i could discuss all of these things, but then it would really truly be just for me, and i could get no input on it.
it’s an interesting dilemma and raises all sort of issues. i think in the end, perhaps like you, i’ll keep journaling until i just…stop. and when i stop and don’t go back, i’ll know that i was ready.