When I was little, I idolized my brother and sister. I followed them around. I wanted to be where they were always.
When my family went through a terrible divorce, much of my care became the responsibility of my siblings, my sister especially.
When I was growing up, my sister took care of me. She kept me entertained. She kept me safe. She bought me things. She fought with me.
When my sister hurt my feelings and I thought that I hated her, my mom insisted that when we were older, we would be the closest of friends.
When we were older, and I didn’t need my sister to take care of me anymore, we grew apart.
When I was in high school, my sister was mean and I was sensitive, so I shut her out. She liked too much to hurt me, and making myself vulnerable wasn’t worth it anymore.
When I was in college and she lived in the next city over, we didn’t know each other very well. We were cordial, but I gave nothing and she didn’t reach out.
When I moved to California and my sister stayed in Washington, we talked rarely.
When I was 25 and my sister was 30, we started talking again. By text. Not enough to reveal how little we have in common, how little we know each other, and how much apathy and indifference has destroyed our relationship, but just enough to make me think that maybe we could be friends one day.
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My sister and I are only twenty-one months apart (I’m older) and we were definitely rivals when we were younger; however, we were afraid to be apart. Now, we’re good friends, but since I’m married and moved out, we don’t really get to talk as much.
I hope you do get to be friends one day. It’s never too late. I can see how 5 years apart might have been a tricky age difference in the HS-college years.
I just did a post about this in honour of my little brother’s birthday. We’re 4.5 years apart and spent our whole lives fighting like dogs.
Now that we’re getting older we’re becoming a little closer, but I think that kind of thing takes time. It’s good that you guy’s have made initial contact with each other, hopefully your relationship can grow from there!
My sister & I were very close throughout our youth and most of high school. When I went to college and she started her “modern lifestyle”, we drifted apart. To this day, she’s more of an acquaintance to me.
Yeah, it definitely takes time but your relationship could really grow- you never know what will happen.
I think there’s so much pressure on siblings to be the “best of friends” that the pressure overpowers everything and it can’t happen you know? It needs to happen organically.
My brother and I rarely ever speak. He’s two years younger than I am. I’m 24, he’s 22. Maybe it’s just our age, though. When I was little, my cousin lived with us and I always thought of her as a sister. For several years we barely spoke. Now that she’s close to 30 and now that I’ve left my early 20s, we talk a lot more. Hopefully that will happen if my brother.
Growing apart is a bitch. Every time I’m away form home for a long while, trying to keep in touch with the family gets very awkward… like we’re on two different planets suddenly, trying to find something we still have in common.
I know you’re situation’s very different from the one I’m talking about, but maybe you guys just need to find something stupid to bond over for a while (like a tv show you both watch?)
Anyway, good luck!
My brother and I are 3.5 years apart. Our family went through a terrible divorce, too. And so, from 8 years old, I had to play a little more of a parent-type role than the big brother. It made it weird sometimes, neither of us knowing which hat I was supposed to be wearing. But I think we’re ever so slowly moving out of it, now, and closer to something more comfortable.
I think this post proves that to some extent, consciously or not, that friendship is something you want again… Opinion, obviously, but quite possible.
I grew up with only a brother, the devil child as I like to call him, and we were so hateful to one another … ’til I moved three hours away to college. Then he’d come visit, we’d hang out, we became friends. And now that I’m nine hours away, it’s even better, as strange as that seems.
And at 19 years old, I finally got my little sister. She’s only 4 right now, but one day, I hope to be that big sister she looks up to. ::Fingers crossed::
I think you will be.
My sister and I have a huge amount of years between us (20). She’s my half-sister. I’m not a phone person and she is, and we’re opposite in a lot of ways. Except for one: we are both really artistic, and we “bond” over this.
Find one thing that you and your sister like and do it together. Afterall, that’s how any friendship starts.
I hope you do become friends again some day. My brother and I were 10 years apart so we were never really close. After I hit the college age we actually talked to each other without him asking me to go get him food (haha) and after he got married I became close to his wife so we inadvertently were around each other more and are talking more. It was crazy to find out how much we did have in common as far as interests and personalities go, but without talking to each other we just figured we were too different to have anything to talk about. Most of this was pointed out by my sister in law though haha.
I hope you and your sister become close again. It’s been a long time since high school….
My brother is seven years older than me. He looked out for me when I was little, but we were never very close. He moved to Cali soon after college and I saw him about once a year for the longest time. Now that we are both adults, I wouldn’t say we are very close as we don’t have much in common, but we do have a relationship like the one we did as kids. He continues to look out for me and supports me.
People tend to believe that you should automatically be close to members of your family. But honestly, you choose your friends based on how you connect with them, whether they are similar to you or if they compliment you. I know it’s cliche, but you can choose your family, so there is a chance you will not be similar/compatible.
Sort of like intro anthropology courses…. when it comes to family, there is a difference between biological parents (genitor/genitrix) versus the people who raised you and you feel a connection to (pater/mater). Sometimes they are one in the same, sometimes they are not.
I have a really complicated relationship with my sister, too. I want to be close with her, but we’re never on the same page. It’s very frustrating. I can only hope that some day we’ll both be ready to be best friends.
Wow, I’m the complete opposite. If you were to ask others, they might say my sister and I are joined at the hip. We are only two years apart, which helps I suppose, but growing up we needed to lean on each other. Like you, Ashley, my parents divorced, when I was around 10 years old. While the divorce was pretty civil, my sister and I still had a rough time. The road was rocky and all we really had at the time was each other. She and I have this mutated, unbreakable bond because of our warped family. I mean growing up my dad didn’t know how to raise two little girls and my mom wasn’t stable enough financially to support us. She was too busy being our best friend rather than our mother. Let’s just say my family life is complicated.
Anyways, in recent years, she’s gone off to college and developed her own life. We don’t see each other as much, but when we do we are ready to explode. We share weeks worth of information. Of course she can being that annoying little sister who does things to piss me off, but I still love her to death.
Growing up I don’t know what I would have done without her. She’s my other half. For a lot of things, she’s my sounding board. I know that she’ll always be there for me no matter what is the case.
I hope you and your sister find your way back to each other. She’s coming to your graduation right? Thats a place to start. Its hard to forget the past but you can make a new future. Wishing you the best!!
This very famous for families, for me it was my brother who I fallowed and wanted to be like maybe until this day, I did everything he did good and bad, he would always want to prove that he is way batter than I am ,”yeah you should dumb ass your like 6 years older” our relations grew apart when he left for England, we speak like one every 3 years, I need to start dialogue with him for 2012 because I want to go to the Olympics which will be in England lol
I have a similar relationship with my sister. She’s 5 years younger than me and we were never that close until I moved away to college. Now she is one of my best friends. I hope you and your sister can continue becoming closer and build a friendship.
ps. There’s an award waiting for you over at my blog :)
My sister and I are the same way. We are so different, and we didn’t speak much while I was in college or really much until this year. Things have started turning around, and it is encouraging. It sounds like it’s the same for you.
My sister and I too have a similar relationship. She’s three years younger than me, just enough of a distance to keep us from becoming very close. We used to be pretty close, we played together all the time and everything, but when I started “growing up” in middle and high school we just started drifting.
It’s sad to think that can happen. You’d think that sisters would always be close… but sometimes it just doesn’t happen that way, I guess.
Now, she’s planning her wedding, and her choice for maid of honor is a very tough decision: her best friend or me. And it’s just as tough for me to realize that we’ve drifted enough that I wouldn’t be the obvious choice.
Hopefully you can repair your relationship with your sister. Texting is a good first step. (For me, the first step is Facebook.)
My sister and I don’t always get along. We get close then drift apart. I am so grateful for my friends as they’re often nicer and more supportive. My sister can be quite harsh. We’re at such different stages in life now. She’s just got married and is expecting a baby, I’m single in the big city.
I have a older sister who’s name is Lauren and her birthday is on January,10 and mine is on January,9 so our birthdays are one day from each other only my sister was born in 1985 I was born in 1997 so that means that there is a day and 12 year difference between me and my older sister so when I turn 14 on January,9,2011 which is next year my sister will be 26 the next day it is kind of weird because my birthday is the day before my sisters but she is 12 years older than me and back in 2003 I turned 6 years old on January 9th and my sister was turning 18 years old the next day and my parents were having a party for us that weekend celebrating me turning 6 and my sister turning 18 they only had a party for my sister because she was turning 18 back then and we wanted to have a party for her but my birthday was the day before hers and I NEVER got to celebrate turning 6 yet so my parents ended up having my 6th birthday party the same day as they celebrated my sister turning 18 because me and my sister are NOT that different from each other like my parents getting music for the party was NOT hard at all because me and my sister both like music from like the 1960′s 1970′s 1980′s etc. so all my parents had to do was get some of their old records and albums from those time periods and me and my sister are both very into dark things so for the party my parents made the room like all black and the whole goth thing so decorating was also easy and my parents getting us things for our birthdays was easy because they got me and my sister old cds from the 1960′s 1970′s and the 1980′s because we like old music and some music from the 1990′s depending on what music singer from the 1990′s you are talking about so if anyone else out there has a sister who’s birthday is the day after yours but she is older just see if you are alike in some ways like me and my sister such as music, and how to get ready for your birthday celebrating it on the same day etc.