The reason I don’t write much about my day-to-day life is because my day-to-day life is boring. Every morning I get up later than I meant to, drink some coffee and read blogs, procrastinate on bigger projects, go to work, come home, and then go to sleep. Most things of interest happen in my head, some of it real, some of it fictional, and the rest of it on the continuum in between.
It’s hard to call myself arrogant, because I’m more accustomed to thinking of myself as a weak girl wracked with insecurity. But, I am arrogant about some things. I am arrogant about introspection. I know myself very well. It’s hard to take me by surprise, because I am very observant and intuitive. I see most things coming from a mile away, I feel everyone in a room, and I think obsessively.
The truth, though, is that I make it easy for myself. My life is routine, my thoughts exist in a very small space, and when threatened, I retreat. I don’t mean to suggest that other people don’t think all the time. I know they do. But, quite literally, when you don’t talk that much, you have much more time to think and observe. And when you allow little room for spontaneity, it’s much easier to predict what people will say, know what they’ll do, and always have in mind their perceptions of the situation and of you.
The second truth is that though I’ve painted a rather bleak picture here, I like my life. I like the things I do. I like the people I engage. I like the time I have to think, the way my mind takes off on its own, blurring the line between what is real and what is imagined. And, I like that there’s space still for me to be completely surprised, for life to sweep me off my feet and knock me on my ass. I never see it coming.
In my early days of blogging, I wrote about breaking the cycle. When you break a routine, disrupt your normal way of doing things, it’s amazing what opens up. For me, it’s usually a new way of seeing my world. Once you were in the middle of it all, and now you’ve taken a step in another direction and the view is different from there. But, soon your world recenters, and what once felt like a fresh perspective becomes muddled with all the minute details of life. You don’t see it happening–you never can when you’re in the middle of it. That’s why it’s always a surprise when what is novel comes crashing in to break up what is routine.
Nothing is better at knocking me off my tracks than socializing and letting people into my world. Because the third truth is that people do surprise me, they say things I don’t expect, they see things in me that I can’t recognize, and they chip away at my walls and chase after me when I try to run away.
I don’t think its about escape from life. It’s about opening up parts of your life and of yourself that are new. It’s about breaking down static ways of seeing and of thinking. Sometimes it’s painful, oftentimes it’s unsettling, but always it’s exciting.
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{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
I really related to this post. This is how I feel most of the time :)
I completely agree with everything you’re saying. I swear, we’re like the same person, only you can write and I can’t. I never talk and completely live in my head. Sometimes I’ll swear I had a conversation with someone and it will have all been imagined. Lately, I’ve been attempting to come out of my shell and engage more in the real world. To differ from my routine of work, school, and sleep. It’s been hard and scary but I’ve had some great experiences because of it.
I feel my life is slightly routine as well. I tend to not throw things off too often, and I enjoy doing things in order, even down to brushing my teeth at the same time each day and putting my wedding rings back on in the same order after getting out of the shower. I’m almost superstitious when it comes to the order of things; I feel that if I change something one day, something bad will happen. Odd? Perhaps.
I enjoy reading your blog. Your posts always make me think!
I definitely agree with your sentiments on how letting people into your world is the best or greatest way to “break the cycle.” As I may or may not have said before, you’re putting yourself out there which means something bad can happen, you’re letting your guard down, etc etc. And that can totally change things based on what happens. Sometimes that can be a wonderful thing, while sometimes it can end badly.
That being said, there’s nothing wrong with routine and “boring” day to day life. Believe you me, my daily stuff is not that entertaining or exciting either.
I really enjoyed this post! I too, like my routine and find comfort in it. Shaking things up every once in a while is good. Maybe I should do that more.
Thank you so much for taking the time to write this post. I think it’s wonderful that you have a strong sense of who you are and how you prefer to live your life. I tend to life my life on the opposite spectrum because I really enjoy adventure, excitement, spontaneity, and socialization. But, once in awhile it does feel good to retreat back into my smaller world of routine and predictability.
You sound a bit apologetic about your choices and you really shouldn’t be! The way to chose to spend your days is entirely up to you, and what really matters is that you’re happy with it.
Thanks again for sharing this. I really enjoyed it :)
Oops! Typo. Should be “choose” not “chose”
A little introspection never hurt anyone. I agree with Jacqueline, don’t apologize for who you are. You’re content with your life and that’s all that matters :)
I agree with breaking the cycle. I am in a routine that I don’t see the end of. I do the same things on certian days and I know I need to do something different but can’t seem to get myself to do it because where I am is comfortable.
I hate meeting new people. I am shy and I have to force myself in different situation. I actually don’t care too much for social interaction. I prefer to hang out at home with Hubby and my dog or my brother. But the wierd thing is, when I worked in retail, I had no problems going up to them and talking up a storm with them. Life is sure weird.
Thank you so much for sharing. I really enjoyed it!!!
I love that you have such a strong sense of self.
Some days I feel like I do and other times not.
I like that you mentioned that when you don’t talk a lot, you learn so much more. This is something that I need to work on. I am CONSTANTLY talking. I even notice this when I’m with friends and mentally tell myself to shut up.
I really am like you in many ways. I observe a lot, I’m not incredibly social. But when I make the effort to be, that’s where I’ve had the real fun. That’s when I realize that we are made for community and relationships. I never really go into social situtations thinking I will make a new friend, but when I do, I am pleasantly surprised.
Probably one of the reasons we all like blogs–we’re getting to know each other, and on a deeper level too. It’s like we’re all dating. haha.
I feel the same way about writing about my day to day, it often doesn’t seem like something worthwhile to be shared with others, especially when life gets especially routine. I tend to write about other things, though I feel starting the blogging process is a good motivator to do new things so you can write about.