He’s Just Not That Into You

Over the weekend, I saw He’s Just Not That Into You. Going in, I’d heard from people who hated it and people who loved it.  As for me, I liked it.

As Lisa put it, it’s basically an American version of Love Actually. But, a little less charming because there were no British accents. I feel stupid saying that, since I know some of you reading are British. I’m just saying, move to the United States, and that accent will get you somewhere!

One place where this movie had Love Actually beat, though, was in the interconnections between characters. The connections felt real, but were intriguing like a puzzle. I think it’s a really great way to tell a story. Honestly, though, it’s a lot easier to pull off a love story when you only skim the surface.

For those who don’t know, the he’s just not that into you idea is that if a guy likes you, then he will call you and he will ask you out. Otherwise, he’s just not that into you. And, it doesn’t matter that your best friend’s cousin’s dog’s former owner dated a guy that never called her back, because he lost her number, and then they reconnected after a chance meeting 5 years later. Those stories are the exception and not the rule. The rule is that if a guy doesn’t call, then he’s just not that into you.

But like any big declaration made early in a movie, of course the whole idea gets flipped on its head. Because the moral of the story is that it’s better to put yourself out there and risk pain and humiliation than it is to date like a cool customer and close yourself off. Actually, what I thought was quite clever about the movie was that there’s still some truth to the he’s just not that into you idea, but it’s not the whole truth. People are more complicated than that. We do things we know are stupid. We love people who will never love us back. And, we protect ourselves behind layers of mixed signals.

So, I set the whole premise up in the traditional girl waiting for the guy to call scenario. You could say this is sexist, but while it’s no longer a model that’s set in concrete, it’s still very much entrenched.  I think it would have been more dishonest for the movie to act like there’s no stigma attached to women asking men out.  Plus, we do see the other side of the coin.  We see a guy who doesn’t get the message that she’s just not that into you, and as for the strongest couple (in my opinion) of the movie, she didn’t wait for him to call.  She made the move.  There are also gay couples, though most of the gay men were pretty stereotypical and there for comic relief.

He’s Just Not That Into You was full of the real life awkward moments that shows like The Office force us to endure.  It’s funny how obvious it is that a girl isn’t into a guy, but right there in the middle of it all, he can’t see it.  As for me, my signals are clear.  If I’m attracted to someone, then I act like I’m not interested.  And, if I’m really not interested, then I’m pretty friendly, which possibly makes me look interested.  As you might guess, this doesn’t work out so well for me.

There was one couple that had been married several years, and then he cheated on her.  That just added a little more reinforcement to my major fear of marriage.  After the movie was over, I turned to Lisa and said, “I’m never getting married.”

There were some interludes in the style of When Harry Met Sally. Probably the best scene in the movie was of these two black women (all the principle actors were white) sitting on a park bench.  One of them said that she’d always thought she’d never been dumped, but when she really thought about it, she’d been dumped by every boyfriend she’d ever had.  All of those lines like it’s not you, it’s me and I just need to focus on my career right now and I’m not ready for a relationship, yeah, dump dump dump.

The end was pretty sweet, but the cheesiest line in the entire movie–”You’re my exception”–was delivered by the character that was supposed to be above all that crap!  Come on Mac guy!

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