It’s so frustrating to feel like there’s never enough time to do all the things you want to do. I’ve always believed that we make the time to do the things we really want to do. I guess I still believe that. I mean, I do make a lot of time for blogging. But, as I get older, I find myself growing less and less optimistic. It used to be mostly laziness and procrastination I was fighting against, but now it’s laziness, procrastination, a mountain of responsibilities, and too many competing interests to count.
There’s only so much time. So, I guess it’s a matter of priorities. My top priorities have always been work and school. Unfortunately, they leave little time and mental energy for anything else, and it feels like so much of the rest of my life is piddled away taking care of the small things.
For so long, I thought about all the things I would do when I wasn’t in school anymore–when I didn’t have that responsibility hanging over my head. I knew this was only wishful thinking. I knew that work would be just as demanding. But, it wasn’t until I started working for my professors and witnessing their lives outside of the classroom that I realized the kind of life I was signing myself up for. If I achieve the dream, then I will be under the constant pressure of work and deadlines.
The thing is that, I want the career and I want the responsibilities. If I had unbridled free time to do whatever I wanted without work or school or family to get in my way, then I would be miserable. You should see me on extended breaks. I either wander around bored or I end up watching hours of mindless tv. Part of what makes the free time feel so good when I can carve it out of my day is that it stands in contrast to what I do with the rest of my time.
So it’s a balancing act, and I suspect it always will be. I go back and forth in my mind about the best way to spend my time. I go through phases where I try to fill every spare moment with something productive, and I go insane. I give myself permission to do whatever I want, and I get lazy. I can’t figure it out, so I bounce between the extremes.
The thing that nags at me the most is writing fiction. When I go on and on about how you can’t wait for inspiration, about how you can’t wait until you have all the time in the world, about how you just have to sit down and write, I’m mostly talking to myself.
I miss reading fiction too. It used to be such a big part of my life. Now I read only a few books of year. That doesn’t stop me from bringing books home from the library, but they often sit in a pile next to my desk until I come to my senses and realize I’m never going to get around to reading them.
I don’t run like I used to either.
I sure do spend a lot of time on the internet, though.
So I’m back to being frustrated, and fighting with myself as I search for that elusive thing called a balanced life that I’m not sure exists in reality at all.
*The title is a lyric from the Travis song “Indefinitely”
{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
The balanced life, it’s definitely a tricky thing to possess. I’ve definitely felt the same was as you, and I’ve known a lot of people who thought that way as well. Truth be told, I don’t know if that frustration ever goes away, it hasn’t for me at least. And sometimes things will be out of balance because, well they will but you can find a state that you feel happy in, balanced or not. I wish I had an answer for you, but I unfortunately do not because I feel the exact same frustration, haha.
I know exactly what you mean. During breaks, I am so unproductive, I pretty much just lay around and watch movies and sleep as soon as I get off work. Now, I’m back in school and I’m working and I’m so burned out, I have no energy to do anything except sleep. When I do have free time, I don’t do anything I enjoy because I’m so exhausted and behind on my work. I don’t think I’ll ever find a balanced life.
I think part of it is being a creative mind. Your mind is always churning, at work, school and at home. It makes sense that when you get some time off, you need to put it to rest.
I’ve actually found that by doing things you want to do instead of what you ‘should’ do–whether it’s going for a bike ride, sitting in the park, hunkering down at Starbucks with a book–you can get motivated to write. Sometimes you need doses of real life to light that creative fire.
I am constantly feeling like there isn’t enough hours in the day, I too spend at least 2 or 3 hours on the computer everyday though. Half the time I’m doing homework and something else at the same time, but still it often takes twice the amount of time to do an assignment if I’m surfing the internet at the same time.
I know the feeling and struggle with it too. I set limits on myself. I leave work at work. Period. There are times I have to come in early or stay later but when I leave, I leave it all here. Work is what I do, it doesn’t define me. I cut down the number of blogs in my Google Reader, alot of them I was skipping and hitting mark all as read so I removed them. I still visit them, but not as often as I used to. I told myself I was going to read for atleast half an hour every day and I do that as well. I don’t even wear a watch so most of the time, I don’t even pay attention to the time (until 5:00) but I was feeling overwhelmed with just life. Carving out time for the things I love and enjoy makes a huge difference. While life may not be perfectly balanced, its more equal.
I have this theory that it is near-impossible to be concurrently successful (by high standards, that is) in work/school, love/relationships, getting enough sleep, exercising/being healthy, and having a social life. 3/5 at any given time isn’t bad though.
I haven’t found the balance either. I have practices, concerts, lessons, work, and cleaning my house. When I have a whole day to myself, nothing planned, I want to get my house in order again after the remodel. But I just can’t get myself off of the couch to do it. And if by some miricle I do get off the couch, I am running around the house cleaning like a mad woman on a deadline. I think it is because I want to get it done as soon as possible so I can finish watching my movie.
I read during my lunch hour and before bed. I have to schedual that in. I also have not found a good schedual for my writing. As of right now I am just writing at every free minute that I have. So far it hasn’t been working too well, because those free minutes come far and few between – as in weeks go by before I start writing again.
Good luck finding your balance.
Ah, the elusive quest for balance. There was a time in my life when I was convinced that I could make time for everything I needed/wanted to do is I could somehow get a handle on managing my time more efficiently. But, eventually I realized that it just wasn’t possible to do it all because there are only so many hours in a day.
Like you, work and school are my top priorities, and it feels as if there is always something else that could be done. What has worked best for me is to change the way I approach the endless list of things I need to do. I thrive on feeling productive, but sometimes there are things that can be done tomorrow in favor of doing something you enjoy today. I try to carve out time every day for something I enjoy. Often times it’s only 20 or 30 minutes, but it makes me feel less deprived of the things I enjoy.
Balancing all the different parts of my life is a constant struggle. Lately, I’ve been feeling like a failure in all areas. I’m hoping that once I get into grad school (fingers crossed) things will fall into place. Wishful thinking, I know.
the funny thing that i realized is that the busier you are and how the load is non-stop, you’ll find a way to balance everything you want to do. it won’t be perfect at first, but in the end, you get to do everything you want. maybe not everything in a day, but it’ll get done and you’ll be happy.
I totally relate to this post. I’m so like you in the fact that I hate being busy, and complain about it, but I secretly (or not so secretly) thrive on it and go crazy when I’m not busy. Over winter break I was dying to have something productive to do, and now I’m wishing for free time. You’re right though..we make the time to do things we care about. I make time for blogging everyday even when I should be studying or something. Same with TV..there are some shows that I watch that are kind of like my release during the school week and I make time for those too…Now if only I could find a way to make more time for sleep…
Wow! I feel like you just described me! It’s a tough thing – the balancing act – but I suppose the challenge of it makes life more interesting.
I guess that a balanced life doesn´t exist.
The best way to enjoy your life plenty is to do what you really like at every moment you can. Find a job you really enjoy, follow a career that you really appreciate and you´ll start to see things in a different way.
Generate your own “good mood” environment and when it comes to “extended breaks” or free times just do whatever you feel will give you joy. If it is watching TV Watch it! If it is hangin´out with friends Hang out! If it is dating someone Date it! . . . But remember something. Everyone would like to make time stop, but it´s impossible. Time exists, you don´t have to measure it at every moment, just enjoy because it ain´t forever.
hope you have success.
greetings from argentina