A Year in Review

This post is basically an extended this is what I did this year list. I’m sorry it’s so long.

This year, I don’t know, it wasn’t dynamic in any obvious way. Yet, a lot happened, and I did a lot of growing up. It was a quiet year of transformation. In 2008, I laid the groundwork for many things that will be important for the next several years at least.

This year I was more successful at following through on my resolutions than I ever have been before. I had a lot of what I called “vanity goals.” The biggest one was to lose weight. This time last year, I was at my highest weight ever and at the very limits of what is healthy for my height. But, I didn’t just want to lose weight. I wanted to lose weight in a way that was healthy and that would keep me sane. I’d never managed the second before. So, I kept my calories at a very reasonable level instead of cutting them drastically, and I worked out five days a week instead of six or seven. It worked! I lost 15-20 pounds, and I feel better about my body than I ever have in my life.

The resolution at the top of my list last year was to “become a scholar.” When I was an undergrad, it was all about being a good student. But, grad school is more than that, especially if you’re pursuing a career in the academy. You have to develop research interests beyond just what you do in the classroom, and you have to do the networking thing. I knew these things at the beginning of 2008, but I wasn’t able to think of myself as a scholar, and I was so bad at the networking stuff.

This was a goal I didn’t really know how to attack. How do you become a scholar? How do you change the way you think about yourself? How do you network with busy, intimidating people? I was pretty much doing nothing about it, and then in February a professor of mine asked me out of the blue if I’d be interested in being his research assistant. Um, yes. I couldn’t believe it. These spots are pretty coveted, and most of them are offered to PhD students. Being a research assistant has been a constant challenge. It’s not just making copies. At the end of that semester, another of my professors asked me to be his research assistant. Networking? Check! These positions have also helped me to think of myself more as a scholar, because these professors talk to me as if I’m a scholar.

It’s a weird thing that there’s often a gap between my real accomplishments and my perception of myself. In January 2008, I was coming off a perfect semester. 4.0. My first in grad school. I’d always shrugged off my success in school and even the praise of my professors. I felt like an idiot even among my fellow students who were receiving lower grades than me. But, I had a hard time arguing with a 4.0. Partly as a result of not being sure I had what it took, I’d decided to take an extra year to decide whether I’d go for the PhD. No arguing anymore. I have what it takes

In March, my grandma died. We’d known it was coming. Her mental and physical health had deteriorated so much. But, I dreaded the day. It wasn’t as difficult to face as I expected. But, in some ways, I feel like I still haven’t really dealt with it.

At about that same time, I was dealing with a small medical scare. I’d randomly discovered that my blood pressure was high. That’s pretty weird for a healthy young person, so I went through a series of tests. They thought there might be something more serious wrong that was making my blood pressure rise. It was the first time in my life where my health felt out of my hands. After all, I was doing everything right! I was eating well and exercising and taking better care of myself than I ever had before, yet there was something wrong. To my relief, they found nothing, but I still don’t know why my blood pressure is high.

When Spring Semester ended, I randomly started poking through the files of that novel I’d been writing for a couple years. It had been my goal to finish it the summer before, but I hadn’t made it past the second chapter. This time, with no goal in mind, I just started writing. And, I kept writing. Unemployed for a while, I was able to devote a great deal of my attention to writing. I did what I’d never done before, despite all the fiction I’d written over the years. I finished a novel. I wrote the end. They say that the best way to learn how to write fiction is to write fiction. They are right.

About the same time I started working on the novel, I started this blog. I’d had the idea a year before, but didn’t really know what I was doing. In January of 2008, I even started a blog, but I quickly abandoned it. Still, I really wanted to share the more informal kind of writing I was doing in my journal. So, I gave blogging another try, and this time I figured out how to get readers. That made all the difference. Blogging has become a huge part of my life.

I decided to take an extra year to finish my Master’s degree. But, I’d already completed all the necessary course requirements. So, I couldn’t get financial aid. That meant I had to find some way to support myself. I went on the job hunt. Those of you who read my blog during the summer know that I wasn’t successful right away. I applied for everything, and heard almost nothing back. I’d been unemployed for over a month—my longest stretch ever—and I was growing desperate. Then I got a call for the perfect job. A good salary, benefits, a sweet job with almost no commute. I wasn’t applying for a lot of jobs like this. If I messed this up, then I’d be working retail for a wage only a few cents higher than I’d made in high school. But, I landed it, and now I’m working forty hours a week, supporting myself the old fashioned way.

For some dumb reason, I thought Fall Semester would be pretty easy. But, two classes, 3 jobs, a thesis, this blog, and PhD applications kept me from ever being bored. Actually, all that other crap kept me from getting started on my PhD applications. Suddenly it was late November, and the due dates were looming. Somehow, I pulled it out, and now the applications are in, and I’m here waiting.

It seems to me now that relationships, you know, with people appear to be missing from this year. It’s true, they’ve taken a back seat as usual. But, they’ve been there. Silly as it sounds, texting has really changed things. Suddenly I’m talking to my sister a few times a week instead of a few times a year. I keep in better contact with my friend Elyse; I mean, I have to know what’s happening with shels and becks! I’ve met several new people this year. And, then there’s you, blog friends.

This has really been a great year. Sure, there are accomplishments to list, but the biggest change is how I feel about myself and my future. I’m confident. It’s weird. But, it feels awesome.

There are things to work on, but I’ll save that for another day. Like, tomorrow.