I’ve tried to keep it under wraps, but you probably already suspect it. Yes, I’m pathetic. I’m a pathetic, desperate, sad little girl. But, only when it comes to boys! Most everything else I have figured out for now; at least, I’m moving in the right direction. I support myself. I have a job with good health insurance and paid vacation. I’m doing really well in a difficult grad program. I’m setting myself up for a career in the academy. I’m physically and mentally healthy. And, I have good relationships with my family, friends, coworkers, and classmates. It’s just this one area where I am totally deficient.
I had it all planned out in my mind! Adorable Boy approaches the desk. I, looking fabulous of course, say, “Hi. How are you?” (that was kahea’s brilliant idea). He answers, we chat, smile, smile, Lisa owes me $5 or something, and we’ve made progress. I’ve had time to think about this, because it’s been weeks since I’ve seen him!
But, it didn’t happen that way at all. I was sitting outside the library, which I never do, talking to my friend Elyse on the phone, which I never do. We were talking about something absurd, which we always do. He shows up to the library at 5:30 at night, which he never does. I don’t know what to do with myself, so I do nothing–like I always do.
Our paths crossed again upstairs, but the stacks, where everything is quiet and there are only books, is the worst and most awkward place to start up a conversation, especially if you’re ridiculous and shy like me. But, I had to do something other than go about my job retrieving books, so I texted Lisa. That conversation is below.
Notes:
- Green is me. Silver is Lisa. Duh.
- Lisa does know how to spell devastating. It’s an old inside joke. At least, I assume she’s joking. She might have just spelled it wrong; her spelling it wrong was the origin of the inside joke after all.
- Manpris are what you call capris worn by men. Lisa and I have been talking about them a lot lately, because one of the student workers at the library is always wearing them. We object to manpris. For the record, Adorable Boy was not wearing manpris, but had his pants cuffed, which is also weird but a little less weird than actual made-to-wear manpris.
- I don’t know why Lisa has started offering me money to talk to Adorable Boy. I guess she thinks I’m more motivated by money than my own potential happiness. Or, maybe she’s tired of hearing me talk about Adorable Boy. Both valid.
- Yes, I text in full sentences with punctuation.
I was so willing to try harder than I normally do. I wanted to report back to you, my blog friends, that I did something. I also wanted report back that I wasn’t completely apathetic and pathetic. Please don’t think less of me. If it were within my power, then I’d forget about Adorable Boy and go for someone more realistic and, you know, present. But, as it is, I’m pretty sure “I’m moving on” is just something we tell ourselves. Here’s to the next opportunity when it comes in a week or two or three!
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{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
Awww, you’re too adorable lol
You’re not pathetic. I might be telling you that to avoid putting myself in that category, too. I mean, we can’t be that pathetic for writing in complete sentences with punctuation for a text message. It definitely makes it a lot easier to understand.
Hiya! I’ve been following your blog for the past few weeks now, and you remind me so much of myself with your shyness, haha. Maybe adorable boy is just as shy. Either way it makes life a little more awkward, but also more endearing :-P
I LOVED this post! I’m pretty shy around men myself but it ends up manifesting itself in to rudeness. I would have told Cuffy McCuffpants in the Library that he left his ‘Murse’ over in the Cooking Section. Then he would have huffed, walked away, and I would feel rejected.
Manpris. Agreed. Horrible.
There are so many things about that post:
1. I love how you are grammatically correct in your text messages. People get on to me for the same thing.
2. Isn’t it funny how something can drive you crazy except when you see it on someone you like?
3. You are human and facing that fear is something everyone goes through. I wish I could offer some advice, but when the time is more comfortable and natural will more than likely be the time you speak to him.
4. Rarely does anyone speak to someone they like out of the blue, so you are not alone. Most people just get drunk to overcome it, but the fact that you are not like that says volumes about the quality of character you have.
Ah cuffed pants. E does this sometimes if he is going for a run and doesn’t feel like changing. It drives me mad when he forgets to fix them, though. I have had to uncuff him myself, many a time.
awww! baby steps! haha I love the text convo. And manpris, haha! Those are definitely more prevalent on the West Coast.
Thank you for pointing out that I do know how to spell devastating. I did spell it wrong on purpose, which actually took more effort than usual because I had to switch from the Word function to the Abc function on my phone. My life is so hard!
And I would attempt a shining piece of advice here, but you know that I also have the incredible inability to talk to boys I like (and people in general). I’m just going to keep offering you money.
I have trouble meeting boys too. I’m outgoing to a point, but I am not overly flirty or direct when it comes to boys.
My friend Mervin wants to create a post for me on craigs list. YES, that is how painfully single people think I am.
totally not pathetic! it just wasn’t good timing! (part of me wants to write a whole bunch of cliche’s right now, like: timing is everything! there’s always next time! everything happens for a reason!, but i’ll restrain myself. lol.)
though i probably also would have offered money had you just shouted “hey, how are you?!” across a sea of silence and books.
don’t give up! sophia’s right: baby steps!
If it’s any consolation, I’m pathetic with boys too . . .
Don’t you know that looking is the first step in snatching a boy? You’re off to a good start! :) And don’t worry, you are totally not pathetic. I have passed the same guy every morning for months and months and we’ve just recently started saying hi to each other yet it goes no further.
I’m pretty lousy when it comes to trying to make the first moves…