Last night I was talking to one of the students I work with. I think we were complaining about annoying and demanding library patrons. How dare they ask questions when I’m trying to do my homework! It seems there’s some kind of natural bond between coworkers based on the need to complain.
After extensive complaining, we got onto the subject of awkward encounters in the library. I was telling her about this guy who I’m on friendly terms with. Like, we wave or say hello when we see each other; once in a while we’ll have a real conversation about school. That’s all good and fine, and it would work really well if I saw him occasionally. But, I don’t see him occasionally. I run into him in the library at least once a day (seven days a week), and sometimes it’s more like 5+ times a day. What are we supposed to do? Acknowledge each other every time? Say hello every time? I run into him so often that sometimes it takes me by surprise, and I can’t manage to get any kind of a greeting out. Like yesterday when I’d just taken a sip of my hot chocolate, and I turned around and he was right there. It’s all very awkward.
I think of myself as an awkward person. I mean, I’m shy and I’ve got the whole social anxiety thing going on. So, when I have awkward encounters with people, especially people I know to be outgoing, I always assume it’s me. I walk away thinking I’m the weird one.
But, what I’ve discovered in the last year is that it’s not just me. There’s just a lot of awkward to go around in social encounters.
I learned all this while working in a library. You see, a college library is a place where people who don’t know each other very well are constantly running into each other. Plus, there’s something strange about the environment since there aren’t that many people around, and you’re supposed to be kind of quiet. So, it’s not busy enough that you can just walk by without acknowledging people, but it’s not the ideal location for chatting it up either. In other words, it’s a breeding ground for awkward encounters.
I have the pleasure and the discomfort of watching while people who have never talked outside of class decide whether they’re going to pretend they don’t see each other, nod politely and move on, or try to have some kind of conversation. “So . . . what are you thinking of writing your paper on?” “The one that’s due in two months? I have no idea.” “Yeah, me neither . . . .” Of course, that’s an example of when it goes badly, but I’ve watched this kind of tragedy befall even the most confident and outgoing of people. All parties involved walk away feeling a little uncomfortable. Me, I have to stay where I am, but I also feel uncomfortable.
Student worker and I decided that these encounters are awkward, because there’s so much uncertainly regarding the relationship. You don’t know where you stand with the other person, you don’t know if they think you’re a weirdo, and you don’t know what they want out of the relationship. The roles aren’t clearly defined like they are in a classroom, or even at a party (especially with the benefit of alcohol).
Working at the library, I’ve got it a little easier than the others. I have a clear task: swipe card, check book out, tell patron the due date. But, I often cross over into potentially awkward territory when I want the encounter to go beyond that. I mean, what am I supposed to do when Adorable Boy is standing in front of me?! Should I comment on the book he’s checking out? No, that seems weird and unprofessional. Should I ask him how his semester’s going? No, we covered that last time when he asked me. Should I comment on the weather? No, this is Southern California. The weather is the same every day. Should I ask him how his weekend was? Probably, but that seems kind of weird, since I don’t know him that well. Should I check the book out, tell him the due date, and then smile? No, that’s not enough. But, that’s what I do.
I wish all the words I put so easily to paper would stop falling right out of my head every time he comes around. Oh well. Today I’ll look for comfort in the fact that there’s just something inherently awkward about social situations, and remember that it’s not just me.
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
I appreciate this so much. I am the most awkward person in the world. But without awkward situations/people, the world would be a very boring place.
no, you’re definitely not alone! as for Adorable Boy, lots of eye contact (maybe a sexy-librarian peer over the glasses!) and, I think, the “did you have a good weekend?” question is a good starting point :)
I am queen of awkward. The weirdest thing is that a lot of people consider me very out going, confident and brave to the point of carelessness. But in the right social setting I get incredibly shy.
That makes my friend feel awkward, the stranger feel awkward and make me feel awkward.
I love this! I think I mastered the nervous half smile that made people I didn’t really know very well walk away. I think I’ve always been this way. My mom still teases me about having to force me to say hello to acquaintances when I was elementary school.
awkward moments are often double-edged swords for me. are they awkward-uncomfortable? or are they awkward-amusing?
my favorite awkward moment: me and a bunch of other college kids are at our professors apartment during an abroad trip in new zealand. and for some reason, the bathroom door won’t lock. so it’s pretty much a hit and miss when guessing if someone’s in there. well, at one point in the evening, my slightly drunk friend and i walk over to the bathroom door and push it open (unknowingly making the entire inside of the bathroom visible to everyone in the apartment). and lo and behold, there’s one of the guys, standing there mid-pee. we stare at him. he stares at us (and everyone behind us). and then he says, deadpan, “this is awkward.”
and keeps on peeing. it was awesome.
and as for Adorable Boy, why not just a simple “hey, how are you?” the next time he checks a book out? then you can always follow up with a “how was your weekend?” if things feel comfortable.
I think it is fascinating reading you construct how you should approach AB given that I’ve often wondered how females go through attraction. As I’ve theorized, there isn’t much difference between what you are thinking and what we are thinking. The difference will always be if you act on it – find a way to converse with him as there is something very attractive about someone direct and interesting.
Believe me, you’re interesting, so if you get the opportunity to start up a conversation, I am sure he’ll be intrigued.
Liz: I agree. Awkward is just part of life.
Sophia: I wasn’t wearing my glasses. That was the problem! Next time.
Kat: Once everyone feels awkward, then thing just get even more awkward.
Elizabeth: I do the nervous half-smile too, and then I top it off by looking away and not making eye contact. It’s like people repellent. ; )
Kahea: That story is beyond awkward. Though, I do find it hilarious, when someone in an awkward situation says how awkward it is. Um . . . it didn’t exactly occur to me to ask him how he’s doing. That’s genius (and, I’m not being sarcastic). I will do that next time!
t.k. foster: Thanks. I don’t know if I’m the best measure for how females think about these things, but maybe we all feel that way.