Things I Thought as a Kid

• I thought Tom Cruise and Val Kilmer were so hot. Top Gun was the first VHS my family owned, and we watched it often. Something about those crew cuts. “Your ego’s writing checks your body can’t cash!”

• I thought that when I was an adult, I’d eat french bread–and only french bread–for dinner. How I ever got to be over five feet tall given the fact that I only ate carbs as a kid, I will never understand.

• I thought volleyball was called ball-e-ball. It makes a lot more sense when you don’t know what volley means.

• I thought I was stupid. It took me a while to catch on to the whole reading thing.

• I thought it was really cool that I had older siblings. No, I thought I was really cool because I had older siblings.

• I thought Seattle was overrated. I always looked forward to it as something exciting, but we only ever visited the Pacific Science Center on field trips, and the rides there were always closed and going up in the Space Needle was always too expensive. When the most exciting thing about a place is its food court, it’s bound to be disappointing.

• I thought Fantasia was the most boring movie ever, though there was something intriguing about those dancing broomsticks.

• I thought monkey bars were it. Done.

• I thought Arnold Schwarzenegger was the coolest. I wrote him a letter once. My dad said he mailed it.

• I thought that life would be so much easier if my parents weren’t divorced.

• I thought that when I grew up, I wanted to either drive a school bus or work at 7-11. Dream big, little Ashley!

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