I’m nice. I always have been, and people have always told me so. In fifth grade, I was voted Most Sincere.
I’ve never had to work at being nice. Especially when it comes to strangers, the niceness just comes naturally. Though I’ve always recognized it as part of my personality, I’ve never acted on it intentionally.
I think of myself as a nice girl, and even though I’m shy, I expect that people pick up on my niceness as soon as they meet me. I assume that the first impression I make does not scream interesting, but at least communicates that I’m polite.
But, over the last few years, I’ve come to realize that I don’t really wear my Nice Girl personality on my sleeve anymore. To some people, I come off as cold and even unhappy. But, I’ll go there some other time. Today I want to talk about how I have no manners.
I guess niceness has been a crutch that has made it okay for me to never work deliberately on developing manners. Shyness has also been a crutch here. I can’t tell you how many times people ask me how I’m doing, and I smile and say “good” (don’t cringe, grammar people), and don’t even think of saying, “Oh, hey, how are you doing?”
I often forget to say “thank you” for things, and then think of it after the fact and it comes out all awkwardly–like I don’t really mean it.
I will forget someone’s name the second after they say it.
I never go out of my way to compliment people. My new boss thanks me for everything, and is constantly telling me I’m doing a good job. Another girl at work compliments me on my clothes at least a couple times a week. I never think to say things like that to people. Partly it’s because it doesn’t register that a compliment from me might mean something to someone.
Mostly, I attribute my poor manners to laziness on my part. I put a lot of responsibility on other people to read my mind or assume the best about me. I need to put more effort into reaching out to people, and I need to have the confidence believe that what I say to someone makes a difference. I can work on my manners without being fake.
I’ve been meaning to ask: how are you doing? Thank you. And, your hair looks really nice today. Really, it does!
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
I think I have the opposite problem. I actually say “thank you” too much, especially when I should say “your welcome”. I basically thank people for letting me do them favors. I remember peoples names so well that I think I come off stalker-like.
I almost wish I was little less well mannered, but kudos to you for trying to make a change for the better! Although, I’m sure people think you’re well mannered than you think.
It’s good that you are making an effort! I agree with Sara’s comment, I think sometimes, I’m too overly thank you, your welcome, you look nice, bla bla bla. My boyfriend is the same way as you, and he also has made a conscience effort to try to remember the thank you’s, etc! But I also agree with Sara by saying I’m sure people think you are well mannered..we usually look at ourselves a little harder than others.
I think the fact you realise you are doing it cancels out any rudeness. It’s just made me realise that I do exactly the same thing! Ooops.
you might find that you feel good when you compliment people and ask about them, even if it feels awkward at first! Moving from the West coast to the South has made me pick up certain niceties since EVERYone here is so nice…now I automatically ask how other people are doing when they ask how I am (grocery store checkers, baristas, friends, etc.) — though autopilot and sincerity are not the same…
I try to say nice things when I think them because I know how good it makes me feel when I get a compliment. I still probably don’t it enough, but I agree with you that I don’t want to be fake. If you mean it, say it I guess is my motto.
I’m working on the compliments as well. I’ve got a bit of shyness in me, too, and complimenting an absolute stranger or an acquaintance is really stepping out of my boundaries. I’ve given compliments to friends, but I want to make that extra effort to compliment anybody at any given time.
Ran across your site – really enjoyed it! I forget people’s names the second I hear them too. And I feel awkward every time I meet them the second time and they remember MY name but I have no idea or clue about theirs.
To make myself feel better I just tell myself it’s EASY to remember MY name – plus I’m American and there aren’t a whole lot of us in AUS.
I should probably feel guiltier about this.
Anywho … Glad to see I’m not the only one with short-term name memory loss – though it’s a shame I’m apparently the only one who doesn’t feel guilty about it. ah well …