I wrote this post while I was at home in Washington a couple weeks ago. It’s extremely long, so I divided it into two parts, and I’ll post the second part tomorrow.
I didn’t plan the novel with any specific themes in mind. Certainly some have emerged as implicit to the story, but they were far from intentional. There’s just one that I’ve pulled out and made more explicit. It’s something I never thought about consciously myself. It feels to me as if the character wrote it, and then brought it to my attention. It’s about defining moments. The character thinks about defining moments as revealing of who a person really is, and especially of a person’s strength. That doesn’t work for me. I think we always are who we really are, whether we’re eating dinner or facing unimaginable tragedy. But, the whole discussion has made me think of defining moments or turning points. We’re always changing, and always making decisions, but there are some moments you can look back to and think that, more than the other mundane moments of life, they shaped your future in a dramatic way. Whether for good or bad or something in between, these moments changed your life irreparably.
Here are some of the major turning points in my life:
1. My parents’ divorce. It happened when I was five, and, without a doubt, has been the biggest factor in shaping my life. It is so a part of everything I know that I can’t look on it just as an unfortunate incident. Surely, it was tragic and has had long-lasting, detrimental effects on my family, but it’s such an ingrained part of my life that I cannot picture myself without it. It’s part of my life, it’s part of my family, and it’s part of me. Without it, I would have gotten much further in life being naïve. I wouldn’t have known pain and sadness until I was much older. I would have grown up in the same house as my dad. I wouldn’t have to serve as the bridge in my family. I would probably be more confident and less unsure. I wouldn’t have even a taste of what it means to be poor. I would just be realizing now that my parents aren’t perfect. I wouldn’t know my step-dad, step-sister, step-brother, or two of my favorite people in this world, my nieces. I can’t even picture my family unbroken, and I certainly can’t imagine myself as part of it. I don’t know that I would be this introspective, deep-feeling girl without that pain, and though I would probably give it all up to find out, that’s never been an option.
2. My mom’s remarriage. Only about 5 years passed between my parents’ divorce and my mom’s remarriage, but that’s really hard for me to accept, because, in my mind, that time was much longer. I guess the years pass slowly when you’re a kid. It happened that my dad’s second marriage ended about the same time that my mom married my step-dad, and the combination of the two allowed for a lot of healing in my family. Of course, I gained three new family members, and that was huge as well. We moved to a much bigger house, which I have always compared to when Kristy from the Baby-sitter’s Club moved into her step-dad Watson’s mansion after her mom remarried. Of course, my mom did not marry a millionaire from Stoneybrook, and we never lived in a mansion, but it was a step up in lifestyle. Several things came together at this specific time to make my life seem more stable, and I think it helped me to form some of the confidence I still carry with me. Another big thing was that my mom was no longer alone. She and I were just talking the other day about how things might have transpired if that weren’t the case. As the youngest, I don’t know that I could have ever left home if it meant leaving my mom alone. She’s a strong woman, but I still don’t know that I could have done it. My sister’s response was that of course I would have, because (as she implied) I’m selfish. Thanks sis!
3. Taking school seriously. Throughout elementary school, I was a very off and on student. I’d usually start out well, but I never had the discipline or the interest to remain consistent. My friends were all smart and the best of students, but I did not think of myself as smart, and when I did succeed I felt like I was just playing at being a good student—just pretending. I started middle school as the student I’d been in elementary school. After a series of friend shake-ups, I ended up in kind of a desperate situation. For a while I was in with the cool kids, and then one of them, a girl who I’d become pretty close to, ditched me. She later apologized, but, I guess because I’d been spoiled with the best and most loyal of friends in elementary school, I couldn’t forgive her. Suddenly, I didn’t really have any friends, so in class, I clung to this group of, well, dorks. They weren’t really my friends; they were more like competition. I rose to the occasion. I started studying, started caring about how I did, and that first taste of real success was enough to grasp me. This was a turning point, because school has come to define me and completely taken over the direction of my life, but, honestly, I think it very well could have gone another way. If I hadn’t had that shake up with my friends, if I had forgiven that girl, I may never have developed an interest in school. It was like a fork in the road, though I didn’t think of it as such at the time. I would have lost out on things with either choice, and I did lose out by choosing school over friends, but who would I be now without my passion for school?
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Just wanted to tell ya I’m still reading and even thought I don’t comment much I check everyday! You rock Ashley, cant wait for part II. I kinda want to steal this idea from you… :D
Thanks Laycie! I was feeling unsure about this post. And, steal it. Please!
Competition is what drives people to success though it would be nicer if people could understand their place without competing. Your parent’s divorce was quite young; mine happened much later – but I think that will be a part of our generation.