Jealous of the Delusional

I’m watching So You Think You Can Dance. Yeah, I admit it. Anyway, in the midst of beautiful dancers that have been training forever and the untrained but extremely talented and interesting dancers who we love to see succeed, are the people who really entertain us in this first phase of tryouts. Well, they entertain most people. I can’t usually watch them. They make me uncomfortable. If there’s one thing I cannot stand about the reality talent competitions, it’s watching people’s dreams get crushed. But, even within this group of people who cannot dance or sing or design clothing, there is a special group that will never know just how untalented they are. No one can crush their dreams. As someone who is hypersensitive to how people react to her–who searches their faces to be sure they don’t disapprove–the thought of going unphased by direct criticism sounds like the relief my life needs. But, it’s just a pleasant thought that doesn’t stand up well to critical reasoning. I don’t want to be someone so lacking in self-awareness. That wouldn’t be me at all. But, for a moment, I can pretend the grass is really greener over there.